Americanisms are invading the English language and I’m like, losing it | UK | News
You’re in Pret and someone asks if they can “buy a Plain White Coconut”. Or you queue outside Greggs and overhear a teenager exclaiming, “I love this sausage roll situation.”
It is especially common among younger generations who grew up with YouTube and US streaming sites. I can’t blame exhausted parents who lay their kids down with an iPad to keep them quiet. But the steady diet of American vloggers and television is affecting our language.
According to a new study, more than half of elementary school teachers have heard their students say litter or trash instead of trash, and nearly 65% reported hearing candy instead of sweet.
Worst of all, some even say little ones occasionally slip into an American accent. I’m not a parent, but if I were, I’d honestly rather have my kid swear like a dock worker than talk in that upturned nasal voice. Seriously, I’d rather them bark “Oh mom, I’m not going to bed, you fucking dummy” than whine “Moooommy, I literally can’t even sleep right now.”
So why is Americanism so annoying? Our language is a magnificent, rich fabric woven from centuries of trade, empire, migration and multiculturalism.
No one shudders when they hear Frenchisms like boutique or croissant; Italianisms like espresso and graffiti; Germanisms such as Schadenfreude and zeitgeist; or Indian imports such as bungalows, pajamas and shampoo. English is an extraordinarily permeable language; This is partly why approximately 1.5 billion people speak English.
It develops from generation to generation, whether we want it or not. If it wasn’t so, we’d be texting in Old English and our WhatsApp would look like this:
– “Honestly, this train is crawling as slowly as a snail stuck in the bondage of molasses! There are leaves on the line AND the signal has failed. The devil has cursed me!!!”
– “Look, I’ve got M&S Gastropubbe Kiev chicken with mash for sopper. How long have you been away? Should I put the oven on?”
– “This place is so busy and smelly! By God’s grace, I’ll be there just in time for the Celebritie Traitours semi-final tonight. #AlanCarrtowynne”
So the next time you hear someone call it a television “season” instead of a “series,” resist the urge to hit them over the head with the Unabridged Oxford English Dictionary. Just nod your head, sip your builder’s tea, and remember that Canute couldn’t fight the tide, and neither can you, my friend.
So, John Lewis’ new Christmas advert has been released and it’s the usual emotional nonsense. A moody teenager gifts his father a record from the ’90s, sparking a festive bond between father and son. It has the soundtrack to Alison Limerick’s club classic Where Love Lives, but it’s essentially a slowed down version. Very predictable. Yawn. So I wrote my own Christmas ad.
It opens with the story of a mother with a screaming child. She tries to do her Christmas shopping, but in every scene the child throws herself on the floor, pulls products off the shelves, and refuses to get in or out of the stroller. The lines are crazy, there’s nowhere to park, it’s freezing cold and the red-faced little terror won’t stop shrieking until he’s handed some chocolate money. There’s a moment of calm before she drops one and starts screaming again. The soundtrack is a soft cover of The Sex Pistols’ song Anarchy in the UK. Soft piano, tinkling bells, breathy vocals: “I’m an Antichrist. I’m an anarchist. I don’t know what I want, but I know how to get it…”
In the next shot, it’s Christmas Day, there’s wrapping paper everywhere, the kitchen is a bomb site, and the baby is playing the toy piano. Dad hands a gift to tired mom. A small jewelry box. There is surprise and happiness. He opens it and looks at it lovingly, with tears in his eyes. Then we see what happens. Not diamond earrings… solitaire Valium. Merry Christmas, peace on earth.
