Monica Lewinsky admits she still lives in fear from Bill Clinton scandal fallout
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Nearly 30 years later, Monica Lewinsky emotionally revisits the Bill Clinton scandal and reveals that she still lives with the fear of its effects.
In a candid conversation with actress Jameela Jamil, Lewinsky opened up about trauma, public shaming, and surviving one of the most notorious scandals in modern American history.
Jamil asked Lewinsky how she was doing now after years of incessant public scrutiny.
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Monica Lewinsky describes recovering from public embarrassment over the Bill Clinton incident. (Jamie McCarthy/WireImage/Getty Images)
“How do you feel now? Having your life, your identity, especially your appearance torn apart, where are you in all of this?” Jamil asked during his guest appearance on the program: “Getting Back with Monica Lewinsky” podcast.
Lewinsky said that although the wounds from the past remain, she has become more at peace with herself.
“I think I’m falling into a place where I’m more confident in myself as a person… Every time I’m able to be more myself in the world and it’s reflected back to me, I think I’m shedding the skin of trauma from my old days,” Lewinsky said.
Jamil noted that when the Clinton scandal broke in the late 1990s, Lewinsky had no way to back down or defend herself.
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Monica Lewinsky becomes emotional as she describes how the Clinton scandal still affects her life today, revealing lingering fears about the life she has carefully rebuilt. (Gilbert Flores)
“Back then, you didn’t have an outlet to control your own narrative. Like now, you actually have a place to immediately refute it,” Jamil said.
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Lewinsky agreed, but admitted that fear still prevented her from fully using her voice.
“Yes. But I don’t do it all the time… I still live in great fear… It may sound crazy, it’s almost like an earthquake and everything that I’ve built over the last 11 years – oh my God, this moves me – will be taken away from me again and I’ll find myself kind of purposeless or, you know, without an income,” Lewinsky said.
A photograph showing former White House intern Monica Lewinsky meeting President Bill Clinton at the White House was submitted as evidence in the documents by the Starr investigation and released by the House Judiciary Committee on September 21, 1998. (Getty Images)
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Nearly three decades ago, Lewinsky, then an intern at the White House, had an affair with then-President Bill Clinton while he was in office. Clinton later faced impeachment trial in December 1998, while Lewinsky became the target of worldwide ridicule and contempt.
Lewinsky added that surviving the past now remains an ongoing struggle.
Then-President Bill Clinton answered 81 questions from the House Judiciary Committee as part of the impeachment inquiry the day after Thanksgiving in 1998. (Diana Walker HC/Kontur, Getty Images)
“I think… he’s just trying to hold on to what is now, not what was in the past, right? But living ‘what is’, you know, I know you do it in your own ways too… you’re talking about being suicidal,” Lewinsky told Jamil.
Jamil described the devastating impact of mass public shaming and warned that a global backlash could be life-threatening.
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“A global collapse drove me to suicide. It’s really intense… everything was taken away from me for a while. Not on this scale – it was global when it happened to me too – but not on the scale of what happened to you,” Jamil said.
In recent years, Lewinsky has reemerged as an anti-bullying advocate and speaker; She frequently discussed the lasting consequences of public shaming and how the scandal continues to shape her life today.
