Adrian Barich: high-needs kids and their families need kindness, recognition and understanding from all of us
Few columns have been harder to write than this one, but I have a feeling we all feel the same way.
There has been a heavy silence in Perth in recent weeks. We are stunned by the tragedy at Mosman Park. The kind of heartbreak that defies simple “sports table” analysis. It’s a story that forces us to stop and think about the silent, invisible struggles that take place behind closed doors.
For most of us, parenting is a lifelong job. It doesn’t end when children grow up; into our senior years we are still checking the oil on their cars or worrying about our mortgage.
However, some families have different job descriptions. It’s deeper, it’s all-encompassing, and let’s be honest: it’s harder.
These are the parents and loved ones of children with high needs. I want to talk to them today. Because they are suffering right now.
And the pain isn’t about the parents, it’s about how they feel about the children they love with breathtaking ferocity. Yes, pain often comes from the world we live in.
How hard must it be to see your child left out? It was hard enough for me not to be selected early when school teams were being selected. I remember the pain of waiting for my name to be called. Now imagine being left on the sidelines, confused and distressed, while the rest of the world “gets on with it.”
Most of us automatically knew what to do, right? How to get the ball, how to move, what to say, when to run, but for some, it’s as if the rule book was never given.
And their parents are with them, watching every moment, while at the same time, in the back of their minds, they are preparing for a crisis that could happen very soon.
It’s not just physical fatigue; It is a painful mental burden. And these kids don’t want to break up. They sense the potential shame, but they can’t control what happens. A world that is too loud, too bright and too fast overwhelms them.
And for important people, it’s often the pain of unspoken words that hurts. The real blow I was told is not the child’s struggle, but the judgment of others.
A child comes through a phase and most of the time it’s a bad child or a bad parent. People assume they lack parenting skills, when in reality the child is overstimulated or overtired.
We all know the “fight or flight” response when our stress levels peak, but we also know ways to relax. These kids don’t always have an escape hatch like we do.
The parents beat themselves up over this. They just want the world to love their children as they do. There may be a feeling of loneliness, as if you are the only one who can see the beautiful, unique soul in front of you.
Mind you, for those of us out there, it’s incredibly difficult to actually walk in these shoes. These parents try very, very hard, and sometimes a level of exhaustion sets in that a good night’s sleep can’t fix.
But if you’re one of the parents reading this today, we want you to know: you’re not alone. We are learning as a society. We learn not to judge. We try to understand that a child asks for help when he is in a difficult situation.
Being kind is the only answer. Mercy is the only goal.
We talk a lot about “courage” and “determination” in the football world. Athletes push themselves to the absolute limit for the trophy. But let me tell you, the pressure you feel when you have nothing left but the will to keep going is above all else.
Children can do incredible things and feel people’s love even when you think it’s not possible. They are incredibly unique and see the world in colors we could never have imagined.
You are their safe space, their anchor and their hero. We see you. And we will make sure we see your children exactly as you see them: brave and beautiful.
You’re doing an incredible job. To continue.
