Parents who ask these 9 questions raise emotionally intelligent kids
We know that raising emotionally intelligent children prepares them for future success. The challenge is that most of us have never taught ourselves these skills.
Growing up, most of us have heard phrases like “stop crying,” “keep calm,” or “be good.” Over time, these messages have taught us to suppress emotions instead of understanding them. As adults and parents, we often find ourselves trying to teach emotional skills that we never had the chance to learn.
But today’s children can develop emotional intelligence through daily interactions with the adults around them. The conversations we have, the questions we ask, and the sense of security they feel at home shape how they understand emotions.
After years of studying more than 200 parent-child relationships, I have found that certain questions consistently help children develop emotional awareness, resilience, and empathy.
Here are 10 powerful questions parents can ask:
1. ‘How did your body show your emotions today?’
Children often experience emotions in their bodies before they have the language to describe them. Asking this question helps them start noticing these signals.
An irritable child may talk about abdominal pain. Excitement may manifest as a warm face or a rapid heartbeat. Recognizing these feelings helps children develop awareness of their own emotional states.
2. ‘What is the emotion you felt today and what brought it out?’
Children begin to see that emotions are connected to experiences. Emotions begin to make sense when they can connect to something that is going on.
A child may describe feeling proud after finishing a project or disappointed after having a disagreement with a friend. These connections help them understand their emotions and respond to them more effectively.
3. ‘How do you know if someone is happy or sad?’
Empathy develops when children pay attention to the emotions of others. This question encourages them to notice facial expressions, tone of voice, and behavior. Our hope is that they will become more aware that emotions exist not only within themselves, but also in the people around them.
4. ‘What is something that makes you proud?’
Many children associate pride only with winning or performing well. This question helps shift their attention to their personal qualities.
Children begin to see things like kindness, perseverance, or generosity as reasons to be proud. This awareness supports a stronger sense of self-worth.
If they have difficulty responding, gentle prompts may help:
- “Are you proud of how kind you were today?”
- “Are you proud of how hard you tried?”
- “Are you proud to help your friend?”
5. ‘What is something you want someone to do for you when you’re feeling sad?’
This question encourages children to think about their needs in difficult moments.
A child may say he wants a hug, to sit next to you, or for some quiet space. Expressing these preferences helps them learn that their needs are important and can be communicated.
6. ‘When you felt tense today, what helped your body feel safe again?’
Emotional intelligence involves learning how to calm the body during stressful moments.
Children begin to determine what is best for them. Some people feel better after taking deep breaths. Others feel calmer after talking to their parents, cuddling a stuffed animal, moving their bodies, or spending a few quiet minutes alone.
Recognizing these strategies helps children approach strong emotions more confidently.
7. ‘What do you tell yourself when something is difficult?’
This question introduces children to the idea of an inner voice.
Young children often benefit from hearing examples of supportive self-talk. Parents can model expressions such as:
- “You can try again.”
- “Mistakes help you learn.”
- “You’re safe.”
- “You’re doing your best.”
With repetition, children begin to use these sentences themselves, which strengthens endurance.
8. ‘How do you show that you care about someone’s feelings?’
Children learn that empathy requires action. Caring about someone else’s feelings often shows up in simple actions.
From listening to a friend asking, “Are you okay?” ‘, sharing a toy, or sitting with someone who feels lonely. These daily actions help children practice kindness in concrete ways.
9. ‘What makes you special?’
This question helps children think about the qualities that define them.
Parents can mention traits such as creativity, curiosity, humor, thoughtfulness, or courage and ask which ones ring true for them. Recognizing these qualities supports a healthy sense of identity that does not depend on comparison or achievement.
Reem Raouda She is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of BOUND and FOUNDATIONS magazines, now presented under her name. Emotional Security Package. He is widely recognized for his expertise in children’s emotional well-being and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy children. find it instagram.
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