QUENTIN LETTS: Brother Jenrick whacked Prince Andrew then proposed a burka ban. Polite society will be appalled

Robert Jenrick knows how to hit the sensitive part of the Establishment’s kneecap to trigger contractions.

Shadow Justice Secretary Jenrick did this twice yesterday. He hit Prince Andrew first. He later suggested banning the burqa. Polite society will be appalled.

To round off his day, he attended a House of Commons debate on the Sentencing Bill, in which his deputy Kieran Mullan complained that Labor had abandoned plans to castrate pederasts.

Dr Mullan was all for castration (currently only for sex offenders) and stated that he was ready to take up the Newberry knife if the Conservative Party returned to government.

We couldn’t wish for anyone to be a better fit. Dr Mullan has the long neck and antiseptic pallor of an effective castrator.

First to Brother Jenrick. Much of Britain was still in bed when she appeared on breakfast television, in that valley of woe, and declared her displeasure with Prince Andrew. Senior politicians here have avoided criticizing members of the Royal Family for decades. It’s one of the unwritten rules in Westminster’s clubhouse hall: no Royal Bashing.

Mr Jenrick walked out of that congress. The prince had acted ‘disgracefully’ and should both ‘leave public life forever’ and be prevented from receiving any further remittances from the public purse.

This probably meant Andrew wouldn’t even qualify for Jobseekers’ Allowance, which he would soon be eligible for given he wasn’t yet 66 and had lost his position as duke on a zero-hours contract.

Mr Jenrick’s anti-prince comments hit the headlines. ‘The people are fed up with Prince Andrew,’ he thundered. The BBC reporter sat back, surprised but satisfied, like a cat that had swallowed an unexpected goldfish, as he had not expected such blood-stirring statements from the Conservative Privy Councillor.

After setting aside a site for the House of York, Mr. Jenrick moved studios and shifted his attention to the burqa, the outer garment worn by Muslim memsahibs who wish to hide their faces.

Mr Jenrick, himself less modest, was asked what he thought about banning burqas in a call on Talk Radio. That’s what he was for.

‘There were fundamental values ​​in this country and we must defend them’. He was told that when Reform MP Sarah Pochin proposed a ban, the then chair of Reform, who had previously been seen as a rosy liberal, resigned in impassioned protest.

Mr Jenrick shrugged. Some European countries have already banned the burqa. The Italian prime minister was also thinking about this.

The prince had acted ‘disgracefully’ and should both ‘leave public life forever’ and be prevented from receiving any further remittances from the public purse. This probably meant Andrew shouldn’t even qualify for the Jobseeker’s Allowance

If poor Prince Andrew had had the idea of ​​leaving the country in disguise, disguised as a master’s rogue, he might have wanted to go ahead with it.

Pandemonium broke out within minutes of Mr Jenrick’s phone call. The working class accused him of “separatism”, of trying to undermine Kemi Badenoch (who was not yet convinced of the burqa ban) and of being “anti-British”.

The latest accusation came from Sam Rushworth, MP for Bishop Auckland. Remember, young Rushworth may not be the best guide in sartorial matters. He attended PMQs last week wearing a dirty pair of sneakers.

While the polite halls of London were holding Mr Jenrick’s neck, the House of Commons was debating the Sentencing Bill. He suggests sending fewer criminals to prison.

Samurai sword wielders, knife-wielding thugs, drunks who break beer glasses and throw them in their opponent’s face: such sensitive souls may soon escape imprisonment.

Esther McVey (Con, Tatton) strongly opposed the bill, blaming it on hard left-wing ideology. Labor MPs said there was a shortage of prison cells. A mink-clad la-di-dah Liberal Democrat woman from Tiverton expressed surprise that the prison was four times more expensive than Eton.

Sir Desmond Swayne (Con, New Forest W) exclaimed that there would be little need for prison calls once this bill becomes law.

Reform’s Ms Pochin also spoke. Luke Taylor (Lib Dem, Sutton and Cheam) reacted by swearing at her efforts.

This offended the innate chivalry of complainant Lee Anderson (Referee, Ashfield). The bald Mr. Taylor, one of life’s two leading men, pleaded not guilty.

Isn’t it always like that?