‘There’s always an empty space’: The families who spend Christmas waiting for someone who never comes home
.jpeg?trim=0,0,100,0&width=1200&height=800&crop=1200:800&w=780&resize=780,470&ssl=1 "‘There’s always an empty space’: The families who spend Christmas waiting for someone who never comes home")
L.Sitting down for Christmas dinner three months after her teenage son went missing was a heartbreak in itself.
Peter Boxell remembers December 25, 1988 as a day spent clinging to hope and desperately wanting his son Lee to come home. He tried to turn this hope into reality, creating a place for him at the table. But as darkness fell, a devastating realization emerged that Lee would not be returning home. He still hasn’t.
“I was hoping Lee would come home or that we might hear from him – obviously I wanted him to come home for Christmas,” Mr Boxell said. Independent. “We made extra room at the table for him for Christmas dinner in case he came home. It was truly heartbreaking.”
Mr Boxell is one of many family members who have revealed how “terrible” it can be to get through Christmas without losing a loved one. Independent’s Christmas campaign SafeCall has reached its £165,000 target to launch a new national lifeline for missing young people alongside the charity Missing People.
donate Here or text SAFE to 70577 to donate £10 to Missing People, enough for one child to get help.
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Thanks to outstanding public support, a free 24-hour service can now be established to reach the more than 70,000 children who go missing in the UK each year, offering support, safety and connection when they need it most.
The campaign’s goal was achieved as follows: Independent Its front page on Christmas Day highlights people who went missing as children or teenagers and whose families are still desperately searching for them this festive season.
Lee Boxell, now 52, disappeared on an ordinary, hot late summer day on September 10, 1988.
When the sleepy 15-year-old went down to the family home in Cheam, still in his pajamas, Mr Boxell recalled: “I told Lee where we were going and asked him if he had any plans. He just mumbled something and I thought: ‘Well, he’s not quite awake yet so I won’t worry him.’ We then broke up and that was the last time I saw Lee.”
When darkness fell that evening and Lee, a “lovely, affectionate” boy who loved football and never got into trouble, still hadn’t returned home, the close-knit family began to panic.
“It was like a living nightmare,” Mr. Boxell said. “We were up all night. We couldn’t sleep thinking Lee was coming home, we just listened to the phone ring or the doorbell ring – but we didn’t do anything.”
Mr Boxell said searches had been launched and objections had been made, and police were taking the case particularly seriously as there was “no reason” for Lee to go missing. His son only had £10 and the clothes he was wearing.
There have been 37 “very difficult” Christmases since then.
“Christmas is a difficult time for us because we don’t know if he’s going to come home again or if he’s still alive,” Mr Boxell said. “We always think of Lee at Christmas and wonder where he might be, if he is alive, safe and well.
“But thankfully I have a daughter and she gave us two lovely grandchildren.
“My grandson, in particular, reminds me a lot of my son. When I was little, I called him Lee, I couldn’t help it.”
Deirdre Fenech’s daughter Carmel went missing in 1998 after the 16-year-old was last seen at Camberwell Green Magistrates’ Court in London.
The three decades since have been terrible for the family and Ms Fenech said Christmas was still one of the hardest times.
“It’s very difficult,” he said. “The first few years I was still getting gifts and we would put them under the tree and hide them there.”
Carmel’s family adds to the pile every year, Ms. Fenech said. “I couldn’t keep looking at them so I finally gave them all away. I don’t buy anything anymore. I just think if he comes home for Christmas he won’t need a pile of presents under the tree. I’ll let him in and buy him whatever he wants.”
Natasha Walker’s sister, Katrice Lee, disappeared from a supermarket on her second birthday in 1981. That first Christmas, her family wrapped presents and put them under the tree in case she came home.
Christmases since have been a particularly painful time, Ms Walker said.
“It’s really hard,” he said. “It’s so sad because you can see other people’s families celebrating and even though you’re celebrating, that person is still missing.
“I will never, ever forget Katrice. There will never be a time on Christmas Day when I don’t wake up and think, ‘God, I wish she were here with me.'”
Ms Walker said Katrice’s birthday and the anniversary of her disappearance were close to Christmas, adding to the heartache at this time of year. “It’s always really sad,” he said.
“My father lights a candle for Katrice every Christmas Eve and I normally light a candle for Katrice.
“It’s really hard because there’s one person missing; you’re not sharing the joy of Christmas and the gifts.”
In a message to other families who made it through Christmas without losing a loved one, Mr Boxell said: “They should try to enjoy Christmas as much as they can for the sake of other family members… [and] Trying to think about the good times they will spend with their lost loved ones. I really think that’s all they can do. “We had a great time with our son.”
Mr Boxell, who has been involved with Missing People since its inception and is a long-standing member of the charity’s choir, has also backed the SafeCall campaign.
“I think SafeCall is a great idea, especially for young people who think they may have to leave home or who have already left home,” he said. “If they call the charity it will be a huge help to them. They have someone to talk to. They will help keep them safe because it’s a dangerous world out there.”
Alongside the generosity of our readers, Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer has also backed the campaign, joining actor and author Sir Stephen Fry, campaigner Dame Esther Rantzen, former England football captain Sir David Beckham and presenter Lorraine Kelly. Independent The service will continue to raise money for the cause into the new year to raise vital funds to support the operation of the new helpline once it launches.
Please donate now To the Independent and Missing Persons’ Safe Call campaign, which raised £165,000 to create a free nationwide service helping vulnerable children find safety and support.
If you or a loved one is lost, text or call the charity Missing People on 116 000 for advice, support and options. It’s free, confidential and non-judgmental. Or visit misspeople.org.uk/get-help
