Can I just check – are my emails holding me back at work?! Xx

At first glance, my emails are polite and warm, ultimately “I’m just checking the deadline” but “either way, don’t worry”.

But a closer look reveals that my messages are punctuated with unnecessary apologies, smiley faces, exclamation points and even kisses.

I like to think I’m friendly and approachable, but according to experts, these language habits may be quietly undermining how seriously I’m taken at work.

Career coach Hannah Salton and etiquette coach William Hanson explain why many of us write this way and how it can affect how we’re perceived at work and even get promoted.

“Thank you very much!” I responded to many emails; I may have a lot of punctuation, but putting a period feels blunt.

Hannah says people use exclamation points to show “positivity and enthusiasm.”

According to a recently published study, women use these drugs three times more often than men. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found.

He thinks this is likely due to the idea that “women are judged more harshly than men when they are direct and called bossy and other sexist negative words.”

While a single exclamation point may be okay, the cumulative effect can occur, Hannah warns.

“If it looks fake or covers up insecurity, it can affect credibility,” he explains.

It’s very easy to misread written communication, which is why many of us include an emoji as a picture of our warmth or humor.

But etiquette coach William Hanson warns this could backfire.

“An emoji can mean different things to different people, or it can mean something completely unintended,” he says.

“It would be better if people used words and had a good command of English,” he advises.

Emojis can have a “childlike connotation” that can lead people to perceive you as younger, less senior, capable or responsible, he says.

“I don’t put emojis in emails,” he says. “You can be friendly while writing and remain professional at the same time.”

And when it comes to signing off with a kiss, she says: “I never put a kiss at the end of an email unless I’m kissing them on the cheek in real life.”

“I’m checking to see if you’re following me and does this all make sense?”

“Emails with reassurance checkers can pay for themselves,” says Hannah, adding that over time, this tone can subtly shape how someone is perceived.

“It’s a difficult balance between being liked and respected as a manager, and if you’re not upfront there’s a risk of creating the impression that you’re less capable,” he says.

“There are certainly times when communicating in an overly apologetic or overly reserved way can make you less effective.”

“A lot of this is unconscious,” says Hannah. “Nobody reads an email and thinks ‘oh, they’re not supporting themselves,’ it’s more subtle than that.

“But if you are constantly communicating in a people-pleasing way, it can create the impression of someone who is unsupportive or potentially less competent.”

Our experts suggest some things you might consider losing to look more professional:

• Qualifying words like “just” (“just checking”, “just wondering”)
• Preemptive apologies like “Sorry to bother you” or “I’m sure you’re really busy, but…”
• Reassurance checks like “does this make sense?”, “I hope it’s okay”, or “either way, you don’t need to worry”
• exclamation points
• Emojis
• Kisses or super hot signatures

Hannah and William emphasize that this isn’t about removing all warmth or personality from professional communication.

“Personal style is important,” says Hannah. “Exhibiting personality at work isn’t a bad thing. You don’t want to feel like you have to filter everything you write and extract any personality from it.”

But at the same time, you should not use some words and symbols “as a tool to get likes”.

A practical way to recognize and reduce these habits without losing your personality is to pay attention to the emails you receive and notice how different styles make you feel; it says what looks clear, confident, or reassuring, and what feels extreme.

AI tools can also be useful for reviewing drafts and removing excess filler or qualifying words, Salton says.