I’m always disappointed – Why you should stop being a perfectionist

Perfectionism has a great reputation. This is the answer to that dreaded question “What is your weakness?” in a job interview. is one of the most common answers used to pose the question. It turned into a humble boast.

For many, it’s about striving for excellence or working tirelessly to achieve the highest standards.

So what happens when these high (and sometimes unrelenting) expectations for yourself are exactly what’s holding you back?

“I know perfectionism is an illusion, but I always try to pursue it,” admits 25-year-old Aswan.

Even at work, she feels the pressure of “I know I can make mistakes and not lose my job, but I still constantly feel like I’m one hit away from getting fired.”

Health psychologist Dr. This is a concern many perfectionists share, says Sula Windgassen. To talk BBC Voices podcast Complex“Poor self-esteem tends to go hand in hand with perfectionism because there is a fear of failure,” he explains.

This fear often fuels procrastination. Aswan recalls taking the driving theory test: “I was so determined to pass the test the first time that when I failed by a few points I never tried to take it back.” That was almost four years ago.

Perfectionism may be rooted in personality, but childhood experiences, school environments, and parental expectations can also shape how we grow up believing that “good enough” is enough.

Although perfectionism is not a clinical diagnosis, its effects are very real, from anxiety and fatigue to stress-related physical symptoms such as a weakened immune system.

Still, experts say this cycle can be broken. Dr Windgassen suggests starting what is known in psychology as a behavioral experiment.

It starts by asking yourself what you think will happen if the result isn’t perfect, writing down your predictions, and then testing them in real time.

Was the result as bad as you expected? So what positive things have come from this new approach? You can manage to sleep at 22.00 in the evening instead of 01.00 at night and feel more rested.

Dayna, 26, who describes herself as a “former perfectionist” It’s a trait he’s relieved to have left behind. He once sacrificed his health to achieve flawless results, and that was something he never wanted to repeat.

“I kept a journal to gain more self-awareness about my tendencies and read self-help books,” says Dayna.

“I had to develop coping mechanisms and strategies to not sacrifice everything, and learn the hard way that being a perfectionist was not the noble quality I used to think.”

Sometimes, the harsh inner critic took over and eventually the path to perfectionism led to burnout.

Looking back, Dayna remembers feeling chronically anxious and stressed.

“Right now I’m just trying to do my best and accept that I won’t always get the result I want, but the result I get will be extremely good, and I’m at peace with that now.”

Not all perfectionism is necessarily harmful. One form, known as perfectionistic striving, focuses on setting more ambitious personal goals. When these goals can be adapted to changing circumstances, they tend to cause less stress and lead to more positive outcomes. For example, an athlete sets challenging goals, but stops training when he gets injured.

But it still has its limitations. A research paper published by the British Psychological Society in July 2025 found that aiming for excessively high goals often leads to long working hours and produces only marginal gains in performance.

Dr. Working on these perfectionist tendencies can be uncomfortable, Windgassen says, but that discomfort is part of the process.

“This isn’t a sign you shouldn’t do it; it’s a sign you should,” he says.