How a hatred of the sound of chewing can ruin careers and lives. It caused Ben so much anguish. Now experts reveal the steps that can work if you’re suffering the same

Ben Crofts does not join his family at the table at mealtimes; instead, he takes his plate to a quiet room and eats alone. Why? He suffers from misophonia (an intolerance to sounds where sounds such as chewing and crunching trigger emotional or physiological responses).

The 50-year-old musician from Somerset has lived with this all his life; This destroyed their relationship and caused him great anxiety.

And he is far from alone. Studies suggest that 20 percent of the population reports symptoms resembling misophonia.

Julia Simner, professor of neuropsychology at the University of Sussex, explains: ‘But it is difficult to draw a line between everyday dislike and the extreme dislike seen in misophonia.

It estimates that 9 per cent of us, around six million Britons, suffer from severely debilitating misophonia.

‘For example, many people dislike the sound of someone slurping; But people with clinically significant misophonics will feel extreme anger and disgust that makes it almost impossible to live with.’

Professor Simner adds that the most common trigger for people with misophonia is the sound of food.

‘Some don’t like the crunching sound, while others don’t like the ‘wet’ sound, like eating yoghurt. But we know there are other common triggers, such as clocks ticking or keyboards clicking.’

A recent study of people with misophonia, led by Professor Simner, identified at least 39 different triggers.

Whatever the trigger, this can have serious consequences, as Professor Simner explains: ‘Even in childhood, people with misophonia had significantly lower life satisfaction, quality of life, anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive features and emotion dysregulation. [ie, feeling negative emotions sooner, deeper and for longer than other people].

‘It can affect daily life in almost every way: causing work avoidance, school avoidance, family conflict, loneliness, isolation, frustration.’

He says people with misophonia may find the actions of others, even their loved ones, intolerable. ‘This can lead to divisions between friends and family members.’

Zara Kadir, family psychotherapist at The Therapy Shed in Kingston upon Thames, says it’s not uncommon to see misophonia put a strain on relationships.

‘Misophonia can transform bonding experiences’ [such as shared meal times] in stressful and disconnected moments.

‘The triggered party may feel insecure, guilty, overwhelmed and misunderstood; If the trigger is [ie, the person making the offensive noise]feels overly criticized, rejected and controlled.’

He adds: ‘This can be overcome with understanding, small practical adjustments, perhaps even humour.’

Misophonia was considered a type of anxiety disorder; But new research in the Annual Review of Clinical Psychology concludes that the anger, irritation and resentment it triggers suggest otherwise.

There is research showing that certain parts of the brain are activated in people with misophonia when they hear ‘trigger’ sounds.

Professor Simner explained that a study published in the journal Current Biology in 2017, based on scans of people with the condition, revealed that an important ‘alarm system’ in the brain is activated much more strongly than in other people. The brain areas involved are called the salience network.

‘This decides what is important and requires attention,’ he explains. ‘In ancient times, this light would turn on when a person saw a lion on the horizon because it signaled ‘be careful, take care’.

‘A very important region in this network is the anterior insular cortex; It became overactive, especially in patients with misphonia. In other words, the misophonic brain responds to these sounds as if they were as impossible to ignore as a lion’s.’

It’s unclear why some people develop misphonia, although it is partly genetic. Professor Simner says women have stronger symptoms than men.

Ben was 12 years old when he first noticed that he was disturbed by the noise others made while eating.

‘I remember getting really angry when someone was chewing on something near me,’ he recalls. But there was no way to explain it, so I just ignored it.’

But it got worse. Soon, the tapping and clicking noises common in classrooms also began to annoy him. I said, ‘This has turned into full-blown anger; “I would have to remove myself from the room,” he says.

‘Conflict was never too far away and often resulted in expulsion from the classroom. ‘It negatively affected my results in the long term.’

Ben married young and had children in his 20s.

‘The kids were making noise and that made it worse,’ he recalls. ‘Screaming can sometimes trigger me. High-frequency and discordant sounds appear to be stronger triggers.

Family psychotherapist Zara Kadir says it’s not uncommon for misophonia to damage relationships

‘He was already getting on my nerves by now and was making me irrationally angry. I would never resort to violence, but I would make a mess or tear someone to pieces if I allowed myself to; That’s what angry voices did to me.’

This led to arguments with his wife, who at the time could not stand being around him while he was eating or making certain noises.

‘We divorced five years later,’ says Ben. ‘The constant fight or flight situation I would be in made me less than pleasant to be around.’

Around the time his marriage ended, Ben came across the term misophonia on the internet.

‘He looked just like me; “So I went to my doctor to get help,” he says. But over the years he was told it was depression and ‘there was nothing they could do’ or was ‘met with a blank stare or a grin, no one seemed to know what it was’.

A GP even referred Ben – without his knowledge – to a dementia service. (“They were as confused as I was and told me not to come!” he recalls.)

Professor Simner says treatment and guidance for misophonia can vary depending on whether your doctor is understanding or not.

‘You may be referred to an audiology clinic,’ he says. ‘They can perform an assessment to make a diagnosis and rule out hyperacusis.’ (Here, ordinary sounds sound physically loud and even painful; misophonia involves how the brain interprets the sound.)

Some experts suggest that white noise or background music can ‘mush out’ triggering sounds.

Surprisingly, Ben finds his job as a musician peaceful.

‘It’s one of the rare moments when I can relax knowing I won’t get triggered while making music,’ he says.

Controlling noise in the studio. Ben says: ‘In everyday life I can’t control whether someone crackles or rustles a package, but in the studio I control the sounds.’

Ben received no help from doctors, except for brief trials of antidepressants in his 30s.

She says: ‘I have tried to get help for my misophonia many times over the years, but there has been no progress and it has been a frustrating journey, which has resulted in a much more harmonious lifestyle for me.’

Ben, a 50-year-old musician from Somerset, has lived with misphonia his whole life; this destroyed their relationship and caused him great anxiety.

Some experts suggest that white noise or background music can ‘mush out’ triggering sounds. Surprisingly, Ben finds his job as a musician peaceful. ‘It’s one of the rare moments when I can relax knowing I won’t get triggered while making music,’ he says

For example, it made new relationships difficult.

‘The partners felt they couldn’t reassure me, or perhaps they didn’t think it was their problem,’ says Ben. ‘This is an implausible scenario that most people can tolerate.’

Then, seven years ago, he met Jane, 46, a firefighter.

‘I told him I had misophonia because so many previous relationships had failed,’ says Ben. ‘He did not resist and promised to support me – and he did.’

Jane found charities and support groups that Ben could join and tailored them to his needs.

‘We cook together and then eat in separate rooms,’ he says. ‘It may not be family friendly, but it works for us and gives me peace of mind.’

Ben still has to regularly miss meals and social events if his misophonia flares up.

‘I can’t even forgive myself anymore,’ he says. ‘When someone crackles or rustles, I get up and leave. ‘Otherwise the anger I feel is too great.’

She adds: ‘I hope my story encourages GPs and medical professionals to learn more about misophonia. It destroys relationships, careers and social lives.’

If you or someone you know is affected by misophonia, visit: misophonia-hub.org for support.