How ‘The Introvert’s Guide’ helped me leave the house (and like it)

For those who prefer solitude but still want connection, Jenny Valentish offers a guide that feels more like a friend than a lecture, writes Elizabeth Spiegel.

As an introvert, I approached Jenny Valentish. The Introvert’s Guide to Leaving Home with a certain fear. I’ve often seen advice for introverts that can be summarized as follows: “Fake it ’til you make it! Pretend to be an extrovert and you’ll be much happier!”

But while I’m generally happy in my little bubble, I’m also aware of research that says social connections help support our mental health so we can live longer, healthier lives.

So what does Jenny Valentish have to offer someone like me?

It turned out that he had to offer plenty of solid, actionable suggestions that would get his readers out of the house and talking to other people, maybe even making real connections.

Each chapter focuses on a specific situation or skill (parties, public speaking, making small talk, compliments) and offers scripts, tools, and even attitude adjustments to make them easier. At some events, I might wear an “invisible, high-vis vest” by giving myself a job, whether it’s something as simple as “Snack Facilitator” and making sure the bowls of chips are never empty.

In the part about parties, Valentish could have been speaking directly to me. ‘Don’t let your spouse carry the burden’ for introverts who naturally have a social partner. Maybe at the next social event we attend, I’ll remember to be more proactive about participating, engaging with more people we know, and paying more attention to conversations. (I’m sure it will take practice.) But I’ll also be careful to designate a place I can go to rest if I start to feel like my mental batteries are draining.

I feel like if I try one of her tips each week I’ll have enough homework to last me for about a year: maybe I’ll be back with a second review in 12 months! But right now I’ll give it five stars.

The Introvert’s Guide to Leaving Home is published by Jenny Valentish Simon and Schuster.

This book was reviewed by an IA Book Club member. If you want to buy free get high quality books and your review It was published On IA, subscribe to receive your email free IA Book Club membership.

Elizabeth Spiegel is a freelance editor and retired public servant.

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