I asked couples who’ve been married 40+ years for relationship advice

My wife and I recently celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. In honor of the occasion, I asked the couples A simple question for those who have been married for 40, 50, or even 60 years: What relationship advice would you give to your younger self?

Participants ranged from a couple in their mid-60s who had just celebrated their 40th anniversary to a 99-year-old who had just celebrated 66 years of happiness with his bride. The advice reflected wisdom gained over 500 years of these beautiful relationships.

Here are 25 pieces of relationship advice everyone needs to hear:

1. Tell your partner you love him/her every night before falling asleep. One day you’ll find the other side of the bed empty and you’ll wish you could.
2. Never keep score in love. Leaderboards are for sports games, not marriages.
3. Laugh until you cry. Laughing together goes a long way to smoothing over the inevitable bumps in the road.
4. Keep your interests and passions separate from your partner’s. Marriage should not be the end of individuality.
5. It can’t always be 50/50. Sometimes it’s 90/10; sometimes it’s 10/90. The important thing is that the total is 100.
6. One man said: “Never stop dating. I’m 99 and still dating my wife!” Marriages are not boring; you stop trying.
7. Keep doing the little things. A note under the pillow, a surprise bouquet, a kiss on the cheek. Romance never goes out of style.
8. Don’t be afraid of sadness because sadness is right next to love.
9. No one discussed the path to a happy marriage. When you face a challenge, face it together.
10. Your spouse should always take priority over your birth family. Remember this when the two are in conflict.
11. Is it more important to be right or to be married? Stubborn pride is the collapse of relationships.
12. Never raise your voice with your partner.
13. Say “I’m sorry” quickly.
14. Don’t worry about the little things. If something is bothering you, ask if it will be a big deal in a month. If not, quit immediately.
15. Do one act of service to your spouse every day, but never mention it to him.
16. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your partner. Make a list of your daily needs to feel good and have your partner do the same. Make sure you and your partner can do the things on this list.
17. Never involve non-professional third parties (parents, friends, siblings, co-workers) in disputes. You will forget, but they will not forget.
18. Time does not heal when it comes to relationships. Don’t put off difficult conversations.
19. If there is a small problem in your relationship, fix it. Small problems become big problems over time.
20. Every relationship is a work in progress. The desire for mutual growth is what creates a lifelong bond.
21. Complementarity is as important as compatibility. Give each other room to lead in different areas of your relationship.
22. Start each day with a hug or a kiss. This is a simple reminder of your love that goes a long way.
23. Love is a muscle. Know that your love will be tested, but each test has the potential to make it stronger.
24. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be great. There has never been a perfect relationship, but there have been many great ones.
25. Your love is yours. Forget the approval of others. You can’t make everyone happy. Accept this and hug each other.

In a separate but related series of conversations, I asked a 94-year-old woman what advice she would give to her younger self.

She offered this beautiful insight: “When in doubt, love. The world could always use more love.”

Beach Bloom is an entrepreneur, investor, inspirational writer and content creator who writes the biweekly newsletter The Curiosity Chronicle. He is the author of the book “Himself”.5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Designing Your Dream Life.” Follow him instagram, X, LinkedInAnd YouTube.

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