Danica Patrick belts out tunes in Indy, Bryce Harper’s toothpaste application is wild, and ‘Macho Manson’

Happy post-Memorial Tuesday Tuesday, and what better way to end the day than with a few people? nightcaps.

I got a tap on the shoulder to deputize for Zach and Amber this week, and just like you, I’m heading back to work after a terrible holiday weekend.

On Monday, my wife and I took some friends over to the stately Reigle Mansion (our rental townhouse) and I got up nice and early to tend to the pork butt and turkey breast, which I must say turned out excellent.

I smoked a few pork butts and I think the planets aligned on that; happened *chef’s kiss* excellence.

ARE PEOPLE WHO PARK WRONGLY ON THE STREETS THE WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD?

We played some games, including a game called Quiplash, which is on Netflix and which people forget has games; I definitely did – where you write jokes and try to make your opponents funny.

It was a great time though, and as a guy who makes his money writing words, I was sweating a bit. I couldn’t lay an egg. It’s like a guy playing in the NBA going to Dave & Buster’s and dropping brick after brick while playing Pop-A-Shot with his friends.

It makes no sense, but it would be very embarrassing.

I’m happy to say I survived, but I’m ashamed to say I didn’t.

Funny enough, another game we played was drawing, and my wife, who is truly a professional artist, had exactly the feeling.

But even if I had embarrassed myself, it would take more than a blow to my ego to silence my excitement for Sunday’s Indianapolis 500.

Good morning my baby. Oh my god.

I’m watching too much racing (in fact, at one point on Sunday I was juggling the Indy 500 and the F1 race with my TV and iPad), but there’s no place like Indy.

So I think I watched that last tour at least 10-12 times and will continue to watch because it was mind blowing.

SOPHIE CUNINGHAM RELEASES A GARTH BROOKS CLASSIC AT THE INDY BAR, WITH PGA BEER PRICES AND SCRATCHED JORTS.

Here’s race winner Felix Rosenqvist’s onboard camera on the final lap. These are legendary things.

Rosenqvist is a great driver, but until Sunday many believed his re-signing next season would be on the bubble.

I don’t think this is much of a concern anymore.

Now, with Indy in mind, let’s take a look at the highest-ranked woman in Indy 500 history…

Danica released after Indy

Danica Patrick was at Speedway, Indiana, this weekend to participate in Fox’s Indy 500 coverage, and it was clear there was some gas left in the tank once the race was taped.

MLB reporter Tricia Whitaker (another OutKick favorite; this one looks like this) nightcaps version of when Thor appeared in a Captain America movie) shared a clip on social media of Danica getting on stage and singing some tunes.

I’ve said it many times: I think every American should make a pilgrimage to the Indianapolis 500 — and an estimated 1 in 1,000 people do each year — and if the race and this video don’t convince you of that, I’m not sure what will.

I went in 2021 and it was incredible. You arrive early in the morning, drink cold drinks that make you happy, and eat a pork tenderloin sandwich around 10 a.m.

Then you have what is one of the most entertaining races on the motorsport calendar every year and Later You can go to a bar and watch Danica Patrick sit down with the group.

I legitimately don’t know what else you could want.

In fact, you would be unreasonable if you wanted anything else. There I said it.

Is Bryce Harper’s toothpaste application technique big-brained or a horror show?

I’ve heard that there are many ways to skin a cat (that’s a weird saying; so many cats were skinned at one point in history that everyone had their own way), but I thought there was only one way to apply toothpaste.

You grabbed your free toothbrush with your dentist’s name on it, took the tube of Colgate Optic White from the other, and squeezed a pea-sized amount onto the bristles. Then you scrubbed to the end of a song on the radio, spit out suds, and then went on with your day.

Wrong.

Phillies star Bryce Harper started brushing his teeth while broadcasting live from the bathroom.

But it was the way he applied the toothpaste that melted the brain.

That’s right: toothpaste directly into the food hole.

This made me realize that I’ve never seen many people use toothpaste, but I still thought we all did it the same way.

However, I can be convinced that this was a big-brained move by Harper.

One of the things I hate is when a drop of toothpaste falls off your brush and into the sink. This happens to me when I put toothpaste on the brush and then quickly spray water (a move I’ve been making my whole life and I can’t explain why. I think it activates the toothpaste or something).

But Bryce doesn’t have this problem at all because he skips the brush entirely.

A note to Phillies reading this: Maybe don’t borrow Bryce’s tube of toothpaste if you forget yours.

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. GET THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!

Russell Crowe and the stains on his shirt reveal the law with autograph hunters

Signatures are a bit odd when you really think about it. For example, I have a lot of autographed things, but having someone write their name on something increases the value of an ordinary baseball, or a poster, or a hockey puck, or in some cases, a pair of breasts.

In fact, the more you think about it, the less valuable the last example will be.

But this has led to the emergence of autograph hunters who harass celebrities to get autographs and then turn around and sell them on eBay.

Russell Crowe had enough and let some autograph seekers in Paris lay down the law.

First of all, Russell Crowe walks out of a restaurant and looks like he has drink spilled all over his shirt.

He was a bit slick about it, but I loved it.

When you break it down, all he wanted was for everyone to act like civilized people. Walking Dead zombies with problems People magazine and some Sharpies.

What’s wrong with this?

Plus he reportedly signs everything, so who cares?

Personally, I think it’s a sign of maturity to realize that if you’re a celebrity, you don’t have to make them sign napkins or shove a camera in their face.

Say politely and discreetly, “Hey, I just wanted to say that I love your work and it was an honor to meet you,” and then offer a nice, clear handshake.

You instantly feel 1000% cooler and less in pain because you don’t ask for anything from them. You can even score a minute or two of actual conversation.

Sure, you don’t have a piece of paper with their name engraved on it, but you do have a memory and some dignity.

If you need more proof of why your Mosh Pit days are behind you…

It’s been a minute since I went to a concert, but I remember thinking at least a few shows I went to, “My Mosh Pit days are behind me…”

I want to thank this guy for making me trust this assessment.

I’ve seen video of little metal or hardcore shows where people are having fun…sort of.

I’ve been in mosh pits before, but no one acted like Steven Seagal was trying to do karate or was being eaten alive by a colony of fire ants.

But that’s what happened here, but pay attention to the kid in the back.

It might make you want to wear glasses the next time you go to a concert.

Something tells me that guy didn’t make any new friends that night.

Although, like I said, I haven’t had fun in a while, so maybe that’s what kids are into these days.

Comedians do incredible ‘Macho Manson’ impressions

I love the impressions.

I make some myself, but most of them belong to people who have died for some reason.

MARK NORMAND SAYS LATE NIGHT IS ‘DYING’ – HOW STAND-UP COMICS KEEP HOLDING UP ON THE CHANGING COMEDY SCENE

Larry Fine, Johnny Carson, Vincent Price, Ed Wynn, Paul Lynde, etc.

You know, all the ones that drive women crazy.

But when it comes to impressions of wrestlers, there are two big names: comedians Dan Soder and Will Sasso.

Podcaster Chris Van Vliet’s show “Insight with Chris Van Vliet” had both and it was great.

Of course, sometimes not only the impression but also what you say while making the impression is important.

That’s why reading Charles Manson quotes in the voice of “Macho Man” Randy Savage is golden, Jerry.

Very good, and it’s truly chilling how well it works.

Also, if you want another funny impression from Will Sasso, go search “Kenny Rogers Jackass.” Mad TV days.

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This isn’t the right impression, but it’s hilarious.

Now, just because we mentioned Charles Manson doesn’t mean he’ll shoehorn in the clip where he gets up in the middle of an interview and starts dancing.

I mean, we’ve all seen it and it doesn’t add anything to the story…

…alright, okay. I can’t help myself.

…

That’s it for this edition Nightcaps!

See you tomorrow!