These 3 radicals are biggest jokes in UK politics – they make Ed Miliband look centrist | Politics | News
We’re just days away from experiencing the horror of the most vindictive budget in decades, but fear not, help is on the way. Shortly after Rachel Reeves is sentenced, her former colleagues Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana will launch their new party, Your Party, to save the country from itself. Their aim is, wait for it… This is even catchier than one of Keir Starmer’s “missions for national renewal”, to offer “an alternative to the status quo and decades of neoliberalism, austerity and the demonization of refugees and marginalized communities”.
They will hold the movement’s founding conference in Liverpool next Saturday and promise that they are not “just another political party” and plan to “do politics differently”. This is absolutely great news because this is definitely achievable. But what if there are a few bumps in the road to get to this point? Sultana may have been a bit hasty when it introduced a membership portal that allowed its supporters to donate more than £800,000.
Corbyn later told his supporters to cancel direct debit payments and said emails about the party were unauthorized. Some of the cash has been transferred to you from the account of which Sultana is the sole manager and “other installments will be paid as soon as possible”. Not as quickly as Corbyn would like, but what’s a few hundred thousand among friends?
And yes, it may seem a bit odd that the party’s co-founder would hold a rally the night before the conference without inviting the MP he co-founded to speak. But Corbyn is a very busy man, so perhaps this is understandable. Of course, this has nothing to do with Sultana accusing her of running a “sexist boys’ club.”
I, for one, think it’s pretty impressive that a party of six MPs has managed to create internal strife so bitter that everyone is briefing against each other. In fact, their numbers dropped to four after two members of the group left within a week. Blackburn MP Adnan Hussain quit last Friday, claiming there was a “toxic” culture and the party was “dominated by constant infighting”. Iqbal Mohamed, representing Dewsbury & Batley, tracked him down last night and said he had been subjected to “false allegations and smears”.
It took Starmer’s Labor Party about six months to get into government before they started fighting like rats in a sack. It was about five years before the slow coach Tories went into full civil war mode. Your party shows a real commitment to doing things differently by sticking with it before it’s even officially established. And in that spirit, the party conference is shaping up to be a lot of fun.
While the boring old traditional parties are doing their best to prevent anyone from disrupting the big speeches, Your Party is taking the worry away by planning to disrupt its own party. Corbynistas believe Sultana is trying to do this by allegedly encouraging members of splinter groups on the far left to cause trouble.
Why wait for someone to throw glitter at you like Starmer did, or hope for an unknown comedian to give you a P45 like Theresa May did? Cut out the middle man and sort it out yourself.
And okay, there may be a huge divide in the party over whether a woman is a woman, and Sultana, the only female MP, argues that trans women are women, leaving out two men who say they are not. But you can’t let science get in the way of saving the world. Remember, neoliberalism is decades away from being reversed.
Many on the left have suggested that your Party and the Greens make a deal to get rid of the evil right-wingers. Zack Polanski, the man of the moment who has significantly increased environmentalists’ poll ratings, is certainly someone who can bridge the gap in the trans debate.
He must definitely believe in biological sex, as in his previous life as a hypnotherapist he tried to increase a woman’s breast size with the power of his mind. But she’s also a dedicated trans warrior, so both parties should be happy! It’s all so crazy that Labour’s radicals like Red Ed Miliband look positively centrist by comparison.
But it’s Your Party and you can laugh if you want.
