How highly successful people deal with a ‘control freak’ boss: Career expert
Working for (or with) someone who scrutinizes everything you do and demands that you go through them for approval can push anyone to the brink. But don’t despair.
I am “the author”Managing: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge,” is a professor of human behavior and an executive coach who has spent the past 15 years coaching leaders at Google, Amazon, and other Fortune 500 companies.
I’ve seen firsthand how difficult it can be for people to overcome the challenges of working with a control freak. I teach them some simple strategies to turn the tables in their favor without leaving them exhausted and frustrated day after day.
Also, if you work for a controlling and impatient manager, try these five steps:
1. Work with rough drafts
Instead of spending days or weeks crafting the perfect deliverable, take the first step and say: “I’ve put it together so far. It’s a little rough around the edges, but I wanted to capture the basic ideas and structure so we can turn it into something extraordinary.”
Your boss will be happy to get input, and you’ll save your energy.
2. Strengthen their authority
Use phrases like “Ultimately, it’s up to you what we do” or “I’ll share my two cents so you can make the final decision.” This allows you to emphasize that you know who the boss is.
Present your ideas as queries. Try saying “What if…” or “What if we…” Asking questions during a conversation increases the other person’s sense of control, which is called the question-behavior effect in psychology.
3. Oversharing
Send a breakdown of the topics you plan to cover each Monday of each week, or give a quick warning if you’re going to be late for a meeting. Although sometimes tedious, sharing this information will satisfy your boss’s desire for oversight and save you the trouble of justifying yourself later:
Here’s how you can share your update: “To keep you informed about our progress, I’ve prepared a weekly status note with a snapshot of the latest developments.” Or say: “I confirm that we are moving forward [X]. If there are any changes, let me know by Friday.”
4. Avoid criticism
You might say: “I plan to approach [X task] This way. Any initial thoughts?” When your boss corrects you, use the classic “yes and…” improvisation technique. Acknowledge their input (“yes”) and then add your perspective or suggestion (“and”) to subtly push your ideas while taking their feedback into account.
It might look like this: “Yes, I appreciate the need to be more concise in my emails, and I believe a short context section is still helpful for clarity, especially for people less familiar with the project.”
5. Ask for the praise you need
Melody Wilding, LMSW executive coach, professor of human behavior, and “Managing: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.” Get the free training, 5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader, Here.
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“It is a quote”To manage” By Melody Wilding. Copyright © 2025 by Melody Wilding. Published in the United States by Crown Currency, an imprint of Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
