QUENTIN LETTS: Samantha, the living antidote to populism, picked to launch the ‘Stuff Nigel Farage’ review

You’d expect someone named Samantha to be exciting. Even a little va-va-voom. Samantha Fox, Samantha Cameron, scoreboard assistant at Radio 4 Samantha, Sorry, I Don’t Have a Clue.

Samantha Dixon corrects this theory. Ms Dixon, 60, is local government minister. On Monday, he entered the House of Commons to make a statement about the Independent Review into Foreign Financial Influence and Interference in UK Politics.

If you think this title isn’t exciting, wait until you hear Ms. Dixon. The unofficial name of this government-commissioned report was ‘Stuff Nigel Farage Review’. Whitehall thinks this formulation is a bit crude, but everyone in Westminster knows what’s going on here. Labor is angry that Reform and Mr Farage are taking spoils from abroad. The Starmer Government therefore decided to take unilateral action, where politicians normally expect agreement between the parties to be reached. New limits will apply to donors of foreign origin (for example, Thailand-based cryptocurrency purveyor Christopher Harborne, who gave £5 million to Mr Farage).

The review was written by Philip Rycroft, a former civil servant who once ran the European Union exit department. It has since been released as Reassembler. He’s not a man you’d necessarily expect to find at a Reform UK rally.

The Commons statement could have been given by Steve Reed, the secretary of state responsible for such matters, but Ms Dixon was thought to be more suitable. Mr. Reed is one of life’s little men. My fighting little friend. He can’t help himself. If Blob was going to do a trick on Nigel, he might as well do it with a driller. Enter Ms. Dixon.

The fat in any pudding would be the hole for the frog to open. Like the overalls worn by modern racing drivers, the Miss Dixon pictured was designed not to burst into flames. He has a flat voice that rarely rises above a murmur. Her steel gray bob, Tootsie-style glasses, and simple outfit—better a funeral home receptionist—scream serenity.

Richard Tice leaned enthusiastically towards Mrs Dixon and shouted: ‘The Labor Party will stop at nothing to stop the rise of Reformation.’

He could put her on GB News and within minutes calm the pulsating revolutionaries of that television station. Her hobby is knitting. If only he had been around in the days of the French Revolution, he would have brought peace to the knitters sitting under the guillotine. If they were going to spend a few hours with Samantha, they would walk home for a nice cup of tea and a squeeze of lemon juice.

In her soft, anger-managed tone, Ms Dixon told the House that the Government would ‘take policy forward’ and discuss law enforcement issues ‘with our police partners’.

‘We will work quickly’ was said many times. ‘We are taking strong steps to tighten the rules of practice.’ Crypto donations would be subject to special scrutiny. Translation: ‘We’ll be on the hook for rich Right-wingers like Christopher Harborne who try to smuggle Nigel’s share through the back door.’

The Conservative frontbencher welcomed Rycroft’s assessment – ​​the Tories are no more enthusiastic than Labor about Mr Farage’s ostentatious donations – but muttered that the changes should secure cross-party agreement. ‘It will come back to bite you!’ Pinned Damian Hinds (Con, East Hants). If any future Right-wing government introduced legislation banning unions from donating to political parties, Labor could no longer complain about a breach of protocol.

Andrew Murrison (Con, SW Wilts) said he was not an advocate of Reformation but the proposals looked like ‘a seam that does nothing’. Miss Dixon coolly said she ‘did not accept his characterization’.

Richard Tice (Ref, Boston and Skegness), Dr. He rewarded Murrison with earnest listens, and soon made an enthusiastic, galloping bow to Mrs. Dixon. ‘Alright, alright!’ ‘Labour will stop at nothing to stop the rise of Reformation,’ he shouted.

He talked about a Cayman Island firm that gave four million smacks to Labor. Unions also donated £27 million to Labor. ‘Hypocrites!’ shouted Mr. Tice, jumping in his seat.

Ms. Dixon, the living antidote to populism, opened her lips cautiously and uttered a few breathless words.