My husband received devastating diagnosis – all of our focus shifted to 1 thing | UK | News

It was a perfect spring morning, sunshine, daffodils and birds chirping. A&E was busy at 6.30am; Worried faces staring blankly into the distance, a nurse disinfecting seats and reminding everyone to wear a mask. When we were called back after the scan and told Bradley to “get your wife” I knew it was bad news. I heard nothing but “cancer…pancreas and liver…” We walked back to the sunny waiting area, holding on to each other. He had a few months left, maybe three. Our world suddenly collapsed. I will never forget that day, March 26, 2022.

Drowsiness gave way to tears; Tears gave way to screams. But soon I got hard. As the cancer progressed, devastating news became commonplace: repeated bowel obstructions, emergency stoma surgery, neutropenic sepsis. We learned to face everything pragmatically, reacting callously when told he might die within 48 hours. I knew this was abnormal. We had to quickly adapt to the shadow of death, the constant fear, the pain already felt. It was a coping strategy.

Bradley was given three months. More than half of people with pancreatic cancer die within this time frame, making it the deadliest cancer. He was determined to live as long as possible, and that meant digging deeper and being proactive each time we hit rock bottom.

We said yes to every offer of help. Bradley received counseling at our local hospice and benefited from a weekly ‘walk and talk’ from a health coach at our GP practice. The opportunity to open up to someone other than me was very helpful.

I joined Circles, a free support service run by the Pancreatic Cancer UK charity. This is a community of WhatsApp and Facebook groups where you can talk to other people who are just getting it. There I found solace in connecting with people who were also living this nightmare.

We spoke to Pancreatic Cancer UK’s specialist nurses before each oncology appointment; expert advice helped us feel prepared. I joined the online community of Mobilize caregivers and met other people who had spent years caring for their loved ones. I contacted my local carer support organization and they offered me a small respite grant.

Bradley defied expectations and lived for three years. The support we received had a huge impact. Every cancer patient should have access to a holistic needs assessment and emotional support. For those with a terminal diagnosis, like Bradley, this can enable a person to make the best of a devastating situation and live well for the rest of their life. That’s why I’m supporting the Daily Express’ Cancer Care campaign.

Oncologists at Stanford School of Medicine realized that patients with more proactive and positive attitudes may have better outcomes. As a former NHS mental health worker, I know that the resources are not currently available to address this issue. Hospices, Maggie’s centers and charities such as Pancreatic Cancer UK are helping to meet this need but face major challenges in funding. Change is urgently needed.

We eventually had to shift our focus from relentlessly pursuing treatment options to preparing for a good death. Our local hospice was helpful, providing clinical, emotional and spiritual support.

I was surprisingly calm because I understood what was happening. I had attended the Pancreatic Cancer UK webinar on end-of-life care, which helped me face Bradley’s final 24 hours with courage. As he slowly drifted away, I could only focus on being with him.

I thought I would leave Circles after his death earlier this year, but I realized I couldn’t sit back while so many people’s lives were shattered by this devastating diagnosis. There are around 10,500 new cases of the disease in the UK each year. Although it was not a bereavement support service, I remained an active member.

I use our experiences to offer hope, solace, and advice to those just starting this difficult and painful journey. I emerged from this experience with more confidence in my ability to handle challenges; I couldn’t do this alone. If you are finding your way down this dark path, please know that a whole community is there to support you.

Anyone affected by pancreatic cancer can join Pancreatic Cancer UK Circles via the charity’s website: www.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/circles