‘My son Alexander Sloley walked out of the door with no wallet and only the clothes on his back. He never returned’
KNerissa Tivy smiles when she sees other people’s sons graduating or having a new baby.
“But part of me sits there and thinks: Oh my God, I’ll never get to see this with Alex again, ever,” she says.
Ms Tivy is one of more than 430,000 people affected by the disappearance of a child each year. Her son, Alexander Sloley, went missing in August 2008 when he was 16. He had disappeared from a friend’s house in Islington, north London, without his wallet, spare clothes and very little money.
Alex’s story sounds like this Independent and the charity Missing People launched the SafeCall appealIt aims to raise £165,000 for a new free service providing support and safety to the 70,000 children reported missing each year.
Donate here or text SAFE to 70577 to donate £10 to Missing People, enough for one child to get help.
Alex, now 34, was an Arsenal fan and a maths enthusiast; He was a kind, protective young man who was devoted to his mother and three sisters. One of them was only five years old when he disappeared, but he still remembers taking her to the nursery on his bike.
“He didn’t like trouble or conflict,” Ms. Tivy says. “He wanted everyone to be happy.”
At first he thought his son had gone to stay with his friends. But when he didn’t come home for his 17th birthday two days later and missed his own a few weeks later, she contacted the police.
For months, all he had was a reference number. “What are you going to do next?” he says. “My child is missing and no one is telling me anything.”
More than two years have passed since police contacted him again. “You report your child missing and no one cares,” he says. “It took them two years and three months to contact me. If they had done something sooner, maybe we would have had answers by now.”
Alex is still in her thoughts every day. “It could be anything; just a smell, a memory. I could be making cornmeal porridge or frying dumplings, and suddenly Alex appears in my head.”
Even something as small as buying perfume can cause a wave of pain. “She would ask me to bring home samples of men,” she recalls. “We had a jar full of them inside; it always smelled good.”
Despite her disappointment in the investigation, Ms Tivy remains determined. His message to other parents is simple: “Never give up. Be persistent with the police and demand your answers.”
He claims racism played a role in delaying the investigation and was one of the reasons police thought Alex, who was black, disappeared voluntarily. “He was a minor when I reported him missing. Why didn’t they contact other agencies, like social services?” he asked.
Ms. Tivy watches as officers handle her case for a year, only to be replaced by someone who has to read all the case files and start over. “These officers just come to look at your case, smile a little and see you for a meeting or two and then they’re gone,” he said. “Nothing concrete.”
Alex’s father died in 2014 without realizing what had happened. “If I die and I don’t get an answer, I hope my children get an answer,” Ms. Tivy said.
If he could talk to his son right now, he would say: “Call us, Alex, or come home or let someone know you’re safe.”
Detective Chief Inspector Sarb Kaur, who is investigating on behalf of the Metropolitan Police, said: “I fully understand the pain and disappointment felt by Alex’s family and we are determined to find out what happened to him.
“A new witness appeal was launched earlier this year with a £10,000 reward for information. An investigation team has been established and a family liaison officer continues to provide up-to-date information and support to Alex’s family.”
DCI Kaur appealed to anyone with information to come forward. This can be done anonymously.
Josie Allan, Missing People’s head of policy and partnerships, said: “Nerissa has shown extraordinary strength and determination in the face of unimaginable suffering. “Every family deserves a fair response from the institutions there to help them.
“The charity continues to stand by Nerissa and her family as they seek answers about what happened to her son Alexander. We also hope that any child or young person who feels scared or at risk knows they can reach out to a confidential, anonymous support service for help. By giving young people a safe space to talk, we can help prevent more children from going missing in the first place.”
Please donate now to the SafeCall campaign launched by The Independent and Missing People to help raise £165,000 to create a free service to help find vulnerable children new, safe futures.
If you or a loved one becomes lost, text or call 116 000 for advice, support and options. It’s free, confidential and non-judgmental. Or visit www.missingpeople.org.uk/get-help.
