People who are miserable in the relationships say ‘no’ to 4 questions
Many of us already know the components of a healthy relationship – things like strong communication, completely honesty and invariable commitment. However, most people do not know what these qualities look in practice.
As a result, couples can find themselves in a miserable state. Worse, they do not recognize it because of unhealthy habits such as emotional numbness, suppression or normalization problems. It is difficult to stop and evaluate your emotions when you know and stuck in routine.
As a psychologist examining couples, I usually recommend a quick survey to couples. If you answer yourself as “no”, you have the chance to be unhappy in your relationship, but don’t notice it.
1. Do you feel that you are in the same team during the conflict?
In relationships, conflict is both inevitable and necessary. But The ways to fight are more than you fight. If he always feels like you are against your partner, it is worth evaluating the reason against the problem instead of both of you.
Research The conflict solution shows that both partners believe that a dispute can be solved, and that they are more likely to find a forward way. But you cannot only trust optimism; You need a shared and clear strategy. Otherwise, arguments may turn into emotional duels and lead to distance and anger over time.
If your answer to this question is “no”, ask yourself: “What are we fighting for?” If the answer is not the relationship itself, sit together to discuss and rebuild what being a team really means.
2. Can you be your most authentic self around your partner?
. The healthiest relationships will be included in you to breathe. Laughing loudly, crying ugly, making confusion and being strange. Research He notes that people who feel safe to express themselves in authentic, unrefined ways are more likely to enter into healthier relationship behaviors.
If you need to constantly remind you that you suppress the parts of your personality, you will gradually begin to lose the invaluable parts of your identity.
If you have answered “no” here, you need to pause and reflect. When you meet your most real, honest self, you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t escape. The big partners see this as a special privilege. He should not feel like something that should be “tolerated”.
3. Are they really curious about your inner world?
Curiosity comes naturally in early Wooing stages. You want to know everything about each other – what they think, how they see the world, the thing that points them. But then, this curiosity may be reduced.
Research He argues that curiosity is a basic tool for emotional proximity. If your spouse stops asking questions about your thoughts, emotions or experiences, he will never recognize your new versions of every day.
This question may show that your relationship is working in autopilot. A partner who really invests you will continue to ask, listen and continue to learn who you are.
4. Do they get accountable when scattered?
Errors are not as important as how they are handled. Does your partner have mistakes and try to do things right? Or are they escaping from responsibility, they defense and do they turn the crime to you?
Research In the conflict repair, he teaches us that even the smallest gestures – accepting a mistake, presenting a sincere apology and even using humor – a discussion can be stopped. However, if there is no accountability, you will start to question whether you can trust each other.
If your partner never gets ownership or constantly makes you feel like “hard” to create an concern, it may be time to re -group and rethink investing. In order to do honesty, humility and better, a real desire should be a dual norm in a relationship.
Mark TravertsPHD is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. At the University of Cornell and the University of Colorado Boulder. That chief psychologist Awake therapyOnline Psychotherapy, Consultancy and Coaching Telehen. It is also the curator of the popular mental health and healthy living website, Therapytips.org.
Are you ready to buy a house? Make a new online course by CNBC How can you buy your first home?. Expert trainers will help you to weigh every step of the process, financial preparation and safely navigating from mortgage to closing the agreement. Sign up today And use the Earlybird coupon code for $ 97 (+tax and fees) discount discount by 15 July 2025.
