I’m battling incurable cancer – 1 letter brought home how much I miss normal life | UK | News
When a drug dealer was sentenced to 30 years in prison for murder, I was sitting next to his mother who remarked how nice his new suit looked. A few years later, the teenager’s family breathed a sigh of relief when a jury found the teenager not guilty of manslaughter in just 28 minutes. I was told later that they would be faster, but some of the judges wanted to finish their sandwiches. And sometimes, in cases that seem to me to be open and shut, juries take what seems like an eternity to return their verdicts.
They make life-changing decisions every day, and as a journalist covering the courts for years, I’ve seen the impact of those decisions but never understood what they were really thinking. How much attention do they pay to a flamboyant prosecution lawyer who likes to dazzle them by explaining what happened? And on Friday afternoons they treat proofs like double math and pay no attention to them?
So I was absolutely delighted when I received a letter from HM Courts and Tribunals Service saying I had been summoned for jury service. And he said unless there was a good reason why I couldn’t attend, my jury service would take place at the Old Bailey in London in December.
I always thought I would make a good judge, and a few years ago I would have made a great judge. I would listen to all the evidence, see through the lies, and make sure my jury’s verdict was based entirely on the truth and nothing but the facts.
But now, now it’s different. Since the summer of 2023, everything is different.
The only chance I’ve had of doing jury service since then is if the defendant had a copy of my medical appointment schedule and decided to change his plea to guilty on the second day of the trial, in time for me to go to the hospital for blood tests.
It’s different because then I was diagnosed with stage four bowel cancer and since then everything has to revolve around treatment.
Last week I was in the hospital on Monday for blood tests, observations and a medical team appointment, an MRI scan on Tuesday, chemo on Wednesday, I was released from the hospital on Thursday, then returned on Friday for the chemo pump removal and finished the week with a CT scan on Saturday.
If the trial for which I was a jury member was only held one day a week so I could attend hospital appointments, everyone in the UK would have every right to be outraged.
When it comes to cancer, it’s not just about the huge amount of time I have to spend in the hospital every two weeks. She also struggles with side effects every day.
Unfortunately, the biggest reason I asked to be excused from jury service was the side effects.
I feel very tired as I write this and I’m wondering whether it’s better to go to bed later or try until it’s dark outside. It’s a decision I have to make most days as chemotherapy battles the cancer cells inside me.
It’s usually a decision I’m free to make, but imagine how awful it would be if I fell asleep on my jury packet while an expert testified in the third hour about how the window shattered when hit with a golf club. If I were the defendant’s legal counsel, I would call for a new trial with a different jury, which would mean my mistake would cost taxpayers thousands of dollars.
I said this effectively in my answer, stating the reasons why I was excused. As a juror I always want to focus on all the evidence, and as a cancer patient I don’t think I can do that.
It reminded me once again of the difficulties of having cancer while trying to lead a normal life. They are missed opportunities to help others rather than being afraid of disappointing everyone.
Not walking down the street and feeling cold because it’s winter, not because the medicine in your body makes you feel sick all the time. It’s not being able to talk about how cancer makes you feel because you’re all talking while trying to figure out how your nightmare will end.
But even when you all talk, there must be someone there who can listen to the silence and soothe your tears. That’s why I’m leading the Daily Express’ Cancer Care campaign. It is vital that the Government and the NHS provide mental health support to all cancer patients, both during and after treatment.
