Stop asking ‘How was school today?’ To raise successful kids, ask 7 questions instead
“My child doesn’t tell me anything about his day!” This is a concern I often hear from parents in my psychotherapy office. They hope to get a glimpse into their child’s world. But “How was school today?” usually leads to a one-word answer.
As a therapist and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do“I encourage parents to ask questions that spark thoughtful, meaningful conversations. When children reflect on their experiences, they develop skills like emotional awareness, problem-solving, and empathy, and develop a growth mindset.”
Here are seven questions that help children become mentally stronger while also sparking productive conversations:
1. ‘What was the best part of the day?’
This question encourages children to scan their brains for positive results. For kids who don’t like school or tend to focus on what’s going wrong, answering this question helps them develop optimism and gratitude; both of these are protective factors for mental health.
Frame the question in your own experience and say: “The best part of my day was going for a walk during my lunch break. How about you?” Your child may share an important memory such as “I played ball during recess.”
2. ‘What is one mistake you learned from today?’
This normalizes mistakes and celebrates healthy risk-taking. Talking openly about mistakes reduces shame and helps children see them as opportunities for growth.
Ask in a curious tone, Judgment: “Is there anything today that you think you would do differently next time?” This might cause them to say: “I forgot my library book, I’ll pack it tonight so I don’t forget.”
3. ‘Who were you proud of today?’
It works because it turns their attention to others and improves empathy. You’ll also gain insight into your child’s relationships and what they value.
For example, “Did you see anyone trying really hard at something today?” Make the question more specific by asking questions like: Your child might mention a brave friend or pat himself on the back and say, “My friend forgot his snack, so I shared mine.”
4. ‘What is one thing that would make today better?’
This question helps children identify emotions such as frustration and disappointment without dwelling on these experiences. It naturally opens the door to problem solving and planning.
You can playfully ask: “If you had a magic wand to change one thing about today, what would it be?” This can lead to creative ideas like, “If only I had more time for my art project, maybe I’ll bring it home to finish it.”
5. ‘Who did you help today?’
Ask for small acts of contribution: “What kind of helper were you today?” They might remember something as simple as “I helped the teacher pass out the papers.”
6. ‘What was the most interesting thing you learned today?’
Emphasizes curiosity rather than academic performance. Showing interest in the learning process encourages lifelong learning.
Encourage children to talk about what they are learning beyond just their subject. They might share a fun fact like, “I just found out my teacher knows how to play the violin.” Show interest and ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.
7. ‘What’s the new thing you want to try?’
This encourages children to step outside their comfort zone and encourages them to be brave. They don’t need to be good at something to try something new; it is a learning experience.
If your child is hesitant to try new things, ask, “Is there a club or activity you’re curious about trying just once?” Encourage an experiment by asking: They may be more likely to explore if they know they don’t have to stick with it forever.
Amy Morin She is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker, and instructor at Northeastern University. He is the author of many books including. “13 Things Strong Kids Do: Think Big, Feel Good, Act Bold” And “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t DoTEDx talk “The Secret to Being Mentally Strong” It is one of the most watched speeches of all time. follow him instagram And Facebook.
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