What to do about a constantly negative colleague?

July 17, 2026 — 5:01 am

I’m facing a dilemma at work. I am aware of the dangers of toxic positivity and demand that employees come to work with the “right attitude.” I encountered this myself at a former job and found it insulting.

However, I am currently having problems with a colleague I work closely with. [we’ll call them Lou] Someone who seems grumpy all the time. I talked to Lou and I know they were unhappy with some parts of their lives, including their work lives. I take what you tell me seriously. However, I’m starting to find it tiring going into work as they are literally always negative and pessimistic. Is there anything I can do without falling into the trap of toxic positivity?

Even if you help bring about this change, it may take a long time for it to become law.john shakespeare

I share your concerns about monitoring your coworkers’ emotions. It is often a futile and inefficient tactic. When you ask a person to always come to work cheerful or positive, unless they are naturally enthusiastic (and who is any day of the week?), they will either get resentful or start faking it.

And if it’s not just a single manager or office worker doing this—if it’s a workplace policy—the organization risks creating a culture of dishonesty and dishonesty.

So I commend you for refusing to commit the same workplace sin as your former colleagues. I also think you did the right thing by investigating what might be behind Lou’s moodiness.

As I always say Work TherapyWe never know what’s going on in the hearts of others, but if I were to make an educated guess based on what you’ve told me privately, I’d say Lou’s concerns outside of work are challenging but not demoralizing. What makes them depressed are mostly things related to business life.

I’m guessing Lou feels lonely at work. They probably appreciate you as a shoulder to cry on.

What makes the job miserable for Lou seems to be a combination of outdated and pointless workplace procedures, unchallenging and sometimes pointless tasks, as well as a general feeling of being underappreciated.

Ideally, all of this could be brought to the attention of one or more conscientious leaders. Ideally, these concerns should be treated with the seriousness they deserve. Ideally, this will lead to structural and systemic changes that will make work better for everyone.

While I don’t think you should immediately dismiss the ideal, I can see how everything mentioned in the previous paragraph might seem like fantasy. And even if you help bring about this change, it may take a long time for it to become law.

But I think there is an alternative.

It seems to me that you find Lou’s negativity annoying, but you have a cordial relationship with them. Use this as a starting point for what I would call a sober experiment with siege mentality.

Why siege mentality? Because I’m not sure what I’m about to propose would appeal to Lou if framed simply as “working together.” I have a feeling they might consider this Pollyanna-esque. I know you agree with some (but not all) of Lou’s complaints. Use these agreements as the basis for the alliance.

But be careful; It will require a masterful balancing act. It must be sincere; If manipulating your colleague into changing behavior feels like a cynical tactic, it’s not worth it. At the same time, there can be no complete descent into us-against-the-world thinking.

If this is the case, you run the risk of only increasing the resentment further. You also run the risk of being dishonest and venturing into areas your employer may find objectionable.

This should be an act of empathy and solidarity rather than an act of resistance. And it should be quite practical. While disparaging uncomfortable policies and directives may be the fuel that ignites your project, it cannot be the project itself.

This should all be about improving your own situations. Discuss ways you can help each other make tasks and assignments more interesting and meaningful (while meeting basic requirements, of course). Talk about whether there are any old rules you can safely ignore and whether there are different approaches to your tasks.

I’m guessing Lou feels lonely at work. They probably appreciate you as a shoulder to cry on. However, keeping their secrets does not change their situation. If you become comrades-in-arms by making a determined effort to make the job bearable, you can help them get out of their emotional quagmire.