SARAH VINE: Why, as a fiftysomething divorcee, I and countless women like me are every man’s worst nightmare

A Survation survey on midlife women and divorce, conducted last week, found that more than a third are ‘happier than ever’. Some even said the collapse of their marriage was ‘constructive’ to them.

Some spoke of ‘rebirth’, ‘relief and excitement’, becoming ‘the person they always wanted to be’.

Oh dear. This won’t go over well in some circles. This is dangerously destructive. Divorced middle-age women aren’t supposed to be screaming and having the time of their lives; They don’t have to be successful – they don’t have to be crying into their braids or scrambling around desperately to find the last single man who still has all of his functioning appendages.

They must have hung their heads in shame; They must be lamenting the end of their useful existence as cooks, nannies, maids, and advisors to the opposite sex. Instead, here we are (and here I am), not only surviving, but thriving, even having the time of our lives. It’s absolutely ugly.

After all, isn’t it, as Rousseau, the great philosopher of the Enlightenment, once said, ‘All education of women should be for men’? To please them, to be useful to them, to make them love themselves, to honor them… These are always women’s duties and things that should be taught to them from childhood.’

Not anymore. At least not only. Of course, there are still many people who hold to this idea – both men and women, and in certain cultures. And for many couples, this dynamic (woman as caregiver, man as provider) works very well, or at least it seems that way.

But for most it is not so. Or it’s like that for a while, and then something happens to disrupt it. Sometimes it’s a trauma that brings a couple closer together or drives them apart. Sometimes it’s not something that dramatic or specific, just a general difference in emotions and desires. Sometimes it’s a relationship or an issue. Sometimes too much water flows under the bridge.

In the past, under these circumstances, men held all the cards. Financially, socially, culturally, it was nearly impossible for women to simply escape an unhappy, loveless, or even toxic marriage. Most women did not have the earning power or access to the job market that they have today.

Even my mother’s generation found themselves enduring extremely unpleasant or unfaithful marriages because they had no other options.

This is no longer the case. Women may be mocked by Jordan Peterson and men like him for succumbing to the siren call of feminism, but the truth is that when all is said and done, women’s liberation has and continues to set us free. If we choose, we can be the architects of our own destiny, just as men always have been. Now we have options and we vote with our feet.

What is interesting, and what this study shows, are the different responses of men and women to this new reality. Men really seem to be struggling on their own and often quickly move into new romantic relationships. Women struggle, too, of course, but they are less likely to find new partners. They seek their satisfaction elsewhere; sometimes in rather confusing places, such as swimming in cold water, which seems to be an epidemic among middle-aged divorcees.

It also probably says something that middle-aged women would rather jump into a freezing cold lake full of foul-smelling algae than share a bed with a man.

This might also have to do with the fact that the pool of men available to women my age is really small, more of a puddle. At least in my limited experience, the average 58-year-old man tends to fantasize with someone much younger than him. This may be about looks, but it’s also about the fact that older women are less biddable.

A middle-aged woman is not looking for someone to start a family with; o in menopause or post-menopause; he is past all of this. He is not a people pleaser; laughs at a man’s jokes, but only if they are really funny.

No wonder so many divorced middle-aged women remain single: We are self-confident, single-minded and unimpressed. In other words, every man’s worst nightmare.

Feminism alone is not responsible for this; Menopause has a bigger role than people think. Most of what is said about it focuses on the physical effects.

But what people forget is that it also has serious emotional and mental effects. So one morning you suddenly wake up and realize that you no longer care what anyone thinks of you.

All those nice, nourishing hormones are gone. No more insecurity, confusion, or trying to make everyone happy. This conscious, devoted, obedient person has disappeared, replaced by someone older, wiser, and less inclined to put up with everyone’s bullshit.

I love Kelly’s looks

Model Kelly Brook is the star of this year’s I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! He is part of the cast of the program.

I don’t really watch I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! (anyone?) but I can’t escape the inevitable sight of Kelly Brook in a bikini on the left. What’s that old saying… A complete race in the airship race? There is something very enjoyable about seeing a life-size woman on the screen with a face that looks unique for her age. I can’t say the same for some of the other contestants.

Isn’t it interesting that in the same week that a former Reform MP was jailed for accepting bribes from the Kremlin (he was paid around £5,000 to read parliamentary speeches urging Ukraine to negotiate with Moscow), the US President (a friend of Nigel Farage, we are told) issued an ultimatum to President Zelensky to negotiate with Moscow?

More sex drug craze

NHS launches puberty-blocking trial involving ten-year-olds

Why is the NHS starting a puberty-blocking trial involving ten-year-olds? Of course, a much better course of action would be to track down and collect data from the hundreds of people currently living with the consequences of being treated with these drugs through the NHS’s now discredited Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS) at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust in London. Or are they afraid of what they might find?

Chancellor Rachel Reeves prepares to talk about inflation statistics from the Office for National Statistics at the Tesco supermarket in Earl’s Court, west London

Chancellor Rachel Reeves complains that she is “sick of the man’s statements.” I hate to say it, but there are women as well as men who are willing to explain to him why he’s not working out at his job.

It’s good to see the mastiff who brutally attacked Tom Parker Bowles’ Jack Russell terrier, Maud, finally being publicly muzzled. I wish the same could be said for the aggressive dogs that populate my local park. There is a simple solution to this problem: Bring back dog licenses and make them conditional on passing a training course. After all, a dog is like a car; In the wrong hands it can be lethal.

Only abusers should be ashamed

Last week I was deeply touched by the story of Trudi Burgess, the 56-year-old teacher whose partner Robert Easom was paralyzed after he flew into a violent rage. Even after he broke his neck – which he claims he didn’t mean – he forced her to tell paramedics they were playing a “fighting game” and whined that she couldn’t risk going to jail.

He told the court: ‘I felt sorry for her… my children knew what their mother was going through and I was so embarrassed.’ These last words, ‘I’m so ashamed’ are often the tragic response of victims and why so many people stay with their abusers. They blame themselves, sometimes they even believe they deserve it and don’t tell anyone. They should not be ashamed. The only people it should be are poor, insecure men who resort to violence to bolster their weak egos.

Christmas is the season of goodwill; Unless, of course, you are a member of the RMT (Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers’ Union), which has announced a series of railway strikes timed to ruin the festive fun for as many people as possible.