Christmas grief can find healing through Jesus, Auntie Anne’s founder says
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For many, Christmas is a time of celebration, laughter and gathering with loved ones. But for others, it magnifies the pain of what could have been and evokes memories we wish we could forget. A season that promises peace can reveal our deepest pain.
Before founding Auntie Anne, I went through a dark period that I never thought I could escape. The loss of my 19-month-old daughter, Angie, left a void in my heart, as if happiness would always be out of reach.
The darkness of grief can make it seem like all hope is lost. I kept wondering when or if I would be able to pull myself together again. Following my daughter’s death, I sought help from our pastor, but I was abused and abused for seven years. My grief led me down a path of shame that I thought was irreversible. I found myself alone in a world full of secrets and darkness.
AT CHRISTMAS GOD FULFILLS HIS PURPOSE AND GIVES OUR PURPOSE
God’s love was the turning point and the light that brought me out of the tunnel of grief. His salvation brought me restorative healing and led me to the path of recovery. Confessing my story and my secrets and trusting God allowed me to move forward and receive forgiveness from others, God, and even myself. Despite the pauses in my recovery, after taking that first step into the realm of truth-telling, I never returned to the dark place where I started.
A woman kneels in a church and looks up to heaven with candles in the background. (istock)
While there is no quick fix for trauma and pain, healing is possible even after living with pain for a long time. Deciding to be good does not mean we will never experience the effects of our pain again. My husband Jonas and I will never let go of the pain of the loss of our daughter, but as we experience each new season of life without Angie, especially during the holidays, the way we grieve has changed.
I cannot reveal all God’s secrets. I am not a theologian. But I know what I went through. In the middle of the worst mess imaginable is where I found Him. And He was more loving and trustworthy than anyone I had ever known. My connection with Him, and ultimately my connection with others, gave me the freedom to process my story and make confessions and storytelling part of my ongoing journey.
This kind of authentic, understanding community can be lifesaving in navigating the new normal of well-being after grief. For too long, I could only see the world through the dark lens of my pain. Little by little, every truth, every confession, every forgiveness, every step towards wholeness allowed a little more light into my life. I found my purpose in my pain.
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When I prayed to God to take away my grief and wash away the stain of shame from my life, I never imagined that I would finally find peace with all the pain. Over time, I stopped focusing on relieving the pain and started asking what it could teach me. And I discovered something even more miraculous than God relieving my pain. … I realized He could make up for it.
Salvation does not imply perfection in any way. We learn nothing from perfection. Rather, salvation is what happens when the scenario changes and we can finally experience the beauty that is possible. because rather than pain despite BT. I could not have predicted how the pain that isolated me would later facilitate a deep sense of connectedness with God and other people. The secrets that once condemned me to loneliness now force me to strive for an authentic life. The story I wanted to escape completely actually turned me into someone who could make a difference in the world.
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We are saved because of the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus. This time of year is a poignant reminder that this redemption, the burden of pain He carries, and grief is not something we must face alone. It is not possible to make sense of all the tragedies in this world, but it is possible to achieve some degree of peace.
Joyful times during the holidays can easily turn into a world of pain when a loss is felt intensely and our pain and suffering becomes unbearable. When we let pain define us, we get stuck. When we try to solve or prevent it, we become frustrated. But when we begin to make peace with our pain, transformation finally becomes possible.
