Doctors Are Sharing The Most Obvious Lies A Patient Has Ever Told Them
Even if you’ve never seen an episode Grey’s AnatomyYou can probably guess that doctors have some pretty crazy stories about their patients.
In two Reddit threads (which you can see Here And Here), medical experts shared the most blatant lies patients have ever told, and let me tell you, I don’t know whether to laugh or worry.
Here are 21 different stories:
1. “The dentist is here! The man who owns the nail salon across the parking lot is my patient. Every 6 months I ask him if he smokes. He denies it every time I visit. But I still watch him smoke a pack of cigarettes in my office every day. Sometimes I wave.”
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2. “‘I didn’t drink.” Sir, your blood alcohol level would kill a normal man, and I can smell you from across the bay. “You also fell twice trying to stand up.”
3. “They always ‘drink too much water’ but clearly don’t.”
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4. “Before a GLP-1 agonist can be prescribed for weight loss, patients must participate in an exercise program and try to eat healthily. It’s clear that people lie about exercise; it’s not because they’re still overweight, it’s because their bodies don’t have any athletic tone compatible with exercise.”
5. “I was just a medical student, but I had a patient on Ativan called for anxiety who I took a history of. He was telling me that his panic attacks were so bad that he was having fatal car accidents every week. I mean, a lot of patients will lie or be shy about taking controlled substances, but he was the only one who confessed to multiple vehicular manslaughter. When I presented his case to my attending physician, he showed me a note in the EMR from another doctor that said it was his.” He stated that he had a regular tactic and an extensive online list of every prescription different doctors had given him for controlled substances. “He couldn’t get an Ativan prescription that day.”
6. “‘Of course I floss every day.'”
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7. “‘I’ve never smoked in my life.’ And you’re sure they smoked 10 minutes before you came because they smell like an ashtray and they smell really bad. PVD“
8. “A patient once said: ‘I was standing in the corner minding my own business when someone came and blew white stuff in my face. THAT’S why I tested positive for cocaine.”
9. “My brother is a doctor and he explained to me that a girl was very clearly faking a seizure, and when another doctor said she was faking it, he stopped in the middle of the ‘seizure’ and said, ‘NO I’M NOT’.”
10. “When I was a medical student and on an emergency room rotation, I was with an elderly man who came in and claimed he was experiencing severe abdominal pain. Barely touching his abdomen would send him into a screaming rage of pain.”
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“The attendant asked him to stand up. He got out of bed and acted like he was in severe pain. The specialist asked him to jump. So he started jumping up and down. Then the specialist looked at me and asked, ‘Have you ever seen someone with an acute abdomen be able to jump?’
So yes, this man was a known painkiller seeker.”
11. “An ambulance call came in stating that the patient had called 911 after her abdomen had spontaneously exploded. There was a large hole in the middle of her abdomen. A quick X-ray showed 1,000 shotgun pellets in her abdomen. Her boyfriend shot her and she thought lying about it would keep him out of trouble. He lived, and he went to jail.”
12. “My roommate from college works a few hours in the emergency room and people still come in all the time claiming they slipped and fell in the dirt first [insert object]”
“I think this will be a thing of the past by 2025. You can literally order receipts online and have them shipped directly to you without anyone knowing. There’s no point in continuing to stick household items in there when we have so much stuff specifically designed to be thrown away.”
13. “I am an Occupational Therapist and one of my clinical rotations was in Residential Psychology. We had a patient waiting outside our meeting room door, and as soon as the door was broken down, she would throw herself on the floor and begin violently ‘seizing’.”
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“We got so used to it (like every Wednesday) that we would all politely walk over him and say things like, ‘Hi Kurt, nice day,’ ‘Kurt, you’re not taking any more Klonopin today,’ and ‘You might want to stop this, man, it’s probably going to hurt.’
After we had all stepped over him and gone about our own business, he would calmly get up from the floor and act like nothing had happened. It was typical psych ward behavior, I was told, but as a student it was very strange and eye-opening.”
14. “I’m a vet – Dog vomits green plant material that smells like skunk, dripping urine, and high AF.”
“‘Is there any chance your dog may have been exposed to weed?’
‘Absolutely not!’
Great, we can do $300-$500 worth of tests to see if it’s something else, or you can tell me it’s weed.”
15. “During my time as an intern, I was doing my ER rotation and a woman in her late 30s came in who had been complaining of nausea and lower abdominal discomfort for the last few days. I diligently took a history and of course asked her about the possibility of being pregnant. She lost it and attacked me…she said she was a lesbian woman and hadn’t been with a man in over 10 years. She yelled at me to get my boss and take the day off. Treat her as an ‘adult.’ I reported to my specialist and explained the tests I wanted to be done. “I haven’t heard of any plans for a pregnancy test,” she said. And I said, ‘I don’t think that’s necessary… she’s a lesbian and hasn’t been with a man in 10 years.’ My specialist smiled and said, ‘Entertain me.’ She was so pregnant… When she went back to her room, there were two men who were abusive to each other and were about to fight. “He couldn’t even look me in the eye.”
16. “Guy told me he never had surgery, even though he had a midline laparotomy scar (a major surgical scar in the abdomen). Then he told me he had liver cancer and that was the scar, so I looked up the records from the hospital where he told me he had the surgery.”
“The surgery was to remove a rectally inserted shampoo bottle. We were in a city with MANY hospitals, so I have no idea why he told me to check the records at the actual place he went for the shampoo bottle surgery.”
17. “Way back in the day, I was on my emergency medicine rotation in medical school. The young man (I forget his complaint) denied recreational drug use.”
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“I then bent down to examine his ankles and a used drug bottle emerged from the cuff of his jeans.
The patient said (verbatim): ‘Man! This is my mother’s! I said He shouldn’t be doing this shit.'”
18. “Not a doctor, but a medical laboratory scientist. What I see most often is older people coming in with high blood sugar, necrotic toes, and large ulcers, claiming ‘I followed my diabetes medication/care plan,’ etc. Ma’am, your A1C is the highest my analyzer can report, and your appendages are falling apart.”
19. “There was a lady in the hospital who stayed in the hospital for a few days after surgery and met all the criteria for discharge. This can be a bit of a difficult situation because you want to maintain a good relationship with your patient, but at the same time you can’t use hospital resources inappropriately. I told her that insurance may refuse to pay for an extra night in the hospital unless there is a medical necessity, and she said, ‘Oh, my health insurance agent was just here and said I needed to stay another day.’ I stared at it for a minute, as I had never seen any insurance representatives in the hospital and didn’t even know if they had health insurance agents. “He later admitted that he made it up.”
20. “On more than one occasion, someone in my office called Mr.
“Mrs.
21. And finally, “Right now, when the patient says no doctor has seen them since they were admitted, when I saw them in person two hours ago.”
What are you thinking? Let me know in the comments!
Note: Answers have been edited for length/clarity.
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