The subtle signs your relationship is in trouble, and how to save it
“When a couple realizes that there is a disconnection, many problems begin to develop. Being aware of what is happening between them is the first step towards creating ‘draw’.”
How to prevent it again
Ask yourself why you don’t exist as a couple. Could it be due to practicality such as having an intense family life, or did you stop prioritizing time together after 25 years of marriage? In both cases, it is important to dig causes. “Then you can talk about it, Ma Major says. “And I didn’t ask me for dinner in months, rather than saying,“ I wonder why we didn’t organize some time together? ”Instead, ‘This encourages a conversation rather than a discussion about what is not.”
‘We are not looking at each other’
If you have lost interest in each other, it’s not a great sign. You need a basic level of curiosity about your partner to keep the relationship alive. 62 -year -old Tina, “I would be with my husband, but we do not talk much, we even look at each other. He comes home from work, his eyes were prevented, then make a cup of tea and left the room. 18 months ago we divorced.”
How to prevent it again
“Not to communicate may be the beginning of indifference, Maj says Major. “If you wonder if someone shows them that they are valuable for you. I often talk to my customers about three questions about the rule.
Small actions, such as not making eye contact when you come home, are a red flag for couples.Credit: Istock
‘I can’t remember the last time we discussed’
A few years ago, actor George Clooney claimed that he and his 11 -year -old wife Human Rights Lawyer Amal never argued. This is a good thing, right? Not always. When a couple cannot be disturbed to throw something, they may mean that they leave and do not give two boats about making a difference in the relationship.
John Gottman is an American psychologist and his comprehensive research on marriage and couples has determined the basic indicators of the collapse of the relationship. “Stonewaling özel says a relationship as a red flag. This is “withdrawing from the interaction, closes and stops responding to their spouses”.
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How to prevent it again
Lindsay George, who is considered British counseling and psychotherapy, admits that it is risky to raise complaints, but difficult conversations are necessary in a long -term relationship. “Otherwise, problems will never be solved, or he says. “Couples go to quietly score or they feel isolated and unheard. It is healthy to do something in the open. But there is a more positive way to do it. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, take some time to talk. Avoid accusations and listen deeply.
“Then it is not a personal attack on what is happening in your relationship. The difference between conflict, a problem and the understanding of where the other person comes from is to learn to bridge.”
‘I touch it and pulls it’
Easy to label your partner: cold, compelling, judicial, lazy. But most of the time there is a background behind each markers. 52 -year -old Marian, her husband Niall, 30 years later when she stopped starting sex was ruined. “We didn’t go to anything from an active sex life at least a few times a week for months. I would embrace him and would come back.”
When Marian finally asked Niall, he felt that his libido was diminishing and he was ashamed to lose his erection several times. Marian admits that he branded him as “far away rather than being insecure and created a cave of misunderstanding between them.
How to prevent it again
Think beyond the obvious one. Can your partner’s lack of interest be a defensive response that points to your regular belly? Or does the reluctance of spontaneous hands about the stress of work tense him? “A marriage is not just, Geor says George. “Both sides need to invest. When I am in the therapy session of a couple, when one of them stops and thinks ‘yes, I played a role,’ there is a big change. If you complain, nothing will change.
‘My last text was months ago’
“Farewell kisses, cooking, daily texts, jokes from the inside, and couples who share the nicknames tend to do better, George says George. George says George. “They may seem like small things, but the glue that connects a partnership.” This is not about sending a text regularly, not even at all – you can be a couple who does not send or chat on the phone when they leave. But being sincerely connected is only unique to you, it is important. “We are, ve and that’s the key.
How to prevent it again
Sink your foot in the water. Send a cheeky text, take one night, kiss your cheek as you pass. Josh Hudson, a marriage coach, explains at his podcast, Marriage reset“These small interactions are called ‘offers for attention. The small tests that show how much a couple are actually dependent. Couples are those who respond positively to these attention offers.
Finding the activities you both enjoy, it is the glue that holds relationships together in the long run.Credit: Istock
‘There is no holiday planned together’
When a marriage trembles, common plans may fall to the side of the road and a common future is dispersed. But does the lack of time together mean that you are not interested in being a couple? Again, he thinks what’s going on at a deeper level. If you haven’t been on vacation together for years, this can be an important red flag – sharing quality time supports a relationship. However, if you have not organized anything for this summer, the problem may only be inability to bring your movement together. It should also be noted that time to spend time can be positive. Esther Perel is the advocate of separation of separation to promote desire .. “Longing, waiting, absence – they create fuel that fires the erotic connection, or he believes.
How to prevent it again
However, Perel does not recommend spending too much time – excessive distance can damage the relationship, but being together can constantly drown. Only trips, even a separate event may have positive results on a regular weekly commitment – you miss each other and take a long time to re -merger, and you have established new experiences to talk. Perel emphasizes the importance of re -merging with love and excitement and interest. “When you spend a separate time, you go back with stories. And the stories are what keeps the erotic yarn alive, or he says.
The Telegraph, London
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