The ultimate High Street pizza chain taste test: From Pizza Express to Domino’s TOM PARKER BOWLES tried them all… and you’ll never guess which favourite came bottom of the pile

Everything used to be so easy. Frozen French bread pizza purchased as a treat from Sainsbury’s. Or a slice of Pizza Hut from the little kiosk in Leicester Square, the culmination of a school trip to a dreary West End play.

Best of all was the American pizza at Pizza Express on London’s Fulham Road; To this ten-year-old it seemed as exotic as the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

Fast forward a few decades, and there are as many varieties of pizza as there are mindless food vloggers scamming for their next free lunch.

The two main types are the Neapolitan, with a thin, soft base and a fluffy, bubbly cornichon (or rim), and the classic New York, which has a thin, slightly crisp but chewy crust that makes it easy to fold in half and eat with one hand.

Oh, and then there’s the mass-market version with cheap ingredients piled on top of each other.

If I had the space and the appetite, I could talk about Detroit and New Haven styles, Roman al taglio, and Chicago deep dish.

But this is all about the great British takeaway pizza, our second favorite takeaway (after Chinese), which accounts for a nearly £4bn slice of the market.

To be included in this list, pizzerias must have at least six sales points and also offer delivery services. As every pizza lover knows, the best pizzas are eaten within seconds of coming out of the oven.

So I ordered a pepperoni (or closest to it) each, grabbed a napkin, and prepared to eat my meal.

Ziya Lucia

This small but ever-growing Neapolitan-style chain is one of my favorites and deserves to be attacked with knife and fork.

The dough is slowly fermented for 48 hours, which means you get real texture and chewiness as well as good lightness.

The base is thin and soft, the cornicione is fluffy and beautifully risen, the fior di latte mozzarella (made from cow’s milk rather than buffalo) melts in molten pools over tangy, freshly made tomato sauce.

I love the traditional margherita with extra spianata salami.

If it floats your boat, other pulps are available, including black pulp made from charcoal. 9/10

Pizza Passengers

Like Zia Lucia, these are Neapolitan style pizzas and they are very good.

The gherkin ripples generously and the crust is wonderfully airy with just the right amount of char.

The tomato sauce, made with San Marzano tomatoes, is fresh, saucy and delicious – just the way it should be – and the ingredients are top-notch. Mozzarella is fior di latte, pepperoni is equivalent to Pizza Express (below).

It is truly Great British Neapolitan pizza. 9/10

Pizza Express

Proust had his madeleines, and I have this pepperoni-covered Turkish delight, American Hot.

Okay, so over the years Pizza Express has been accused of not only downsizing their pizzas but also coming out with half-assed ‘innovations’.

I’m looking at you, Pizza Leggera, with your awful salad-filled hole and your muggy, “thinner, crispier” crust.

Also, there is no room for chicken on pizza. Without stopping. No, the key to Pizza Express is to never stray from the beaten path: the classic American Hot with jalapenos (the peppers aren’t too strong) and wonderfully crispy pepperoni slices that have never been better.

This is the taste of my childhood, the Zen of British pizza, with its thin, slightly chewy crust and bog-standard mozzarella flavored with a handful of nostalgia.

Sure, purists may look up their noses, but what do they know? A true classic. 8/10

Franco Manca

When he first started in a small shop in Brixton Market in 2008, Franco Manca was an absolute game changer, creating one of the first (if not the first) truly Neapolitan pizzas sold in London.

The prices were cheap and the dough and toppings were outstanding.

Founders Giuseppe Mascoli and the late, great Bridget Hugo understood this exactly. The queues stretched to the doors.

Then the money men came, bought the company and started opening dozens of sites. The quality dropped and most of us moved on.

However, this pizza was much better than what I remembered from a few years ago; with a good crust, a good tomato sauce and perfectly seasoned prosciutto.

While not on the same level as Pizza Pilgrims and Zia Lucia, it’s pretty good. 7/10

ask in italian

While not offensive, this is really a very average, painfully boring pizza with a thin, crunchy crust, industrial mozzarella and rather dismal pepperoni.

It reminds me of supermarket pizza, which is not a good thing at all.

I’d describe it as the Coldplay of pizzas, but that’s probably too generous. He looks more like Cliff Richard. It’s not really bad, just very, very boring. 4/10

pizza hut

God, I loved this place. Thick, breaded crust glistening with oil; whips of cheap mozzarella cheese; Discount priced pepperoni rug.

But these days pizza looks sullen and thuggish, covered in sweaty grease and dread.

The first mouthful looks good, offering plenty of salt and fat. But after that, the excitement wears off and everything tastes the same.

However, it is good after a night out. 4/10

Domino’s Pizza

The most popular takeaway pizza in the country. Like Pizza Hut, this was my students’ favorite.

But it’s pretty mediocre stuff. The ingredients are so cheap, so mass-produced, and so overly sweet, salty, and fatty that they bombard the palate with terrifying abandon.

There’s a turgid, one-note monotony that brings an unwanted flesh sweat to the brows.

Instant regret sets in after the first few bites. This pizza squats in your belly for hours like an angry vagabond demanding release.

It’s not the worst, but it’s a pizza I’d cross the street to avoid. 4/10

Papa John’s

It looks bad, pale and pasty, and tastes like barely edible depression.

While not exactly disgusting, it’s little more than a culinary cipher, something concocted out of frustration that looks like pizza, smells like pizza but is industrially cooked.

The crust was soggy, the cheese was average, and the tomato sauce was overly sweet. Avoid. 3/10