‘Better out than in’: why a South Yorkshire charity wants people to speak their mind | Charities

It was a dirty day in Rotherham as Storm Bram wreaked havoc on the town earlier this month. The roads had turned into rivers and St George’s sodden flags fluttered from lampposts at half-mast.

Inside the community centre, the heating was on, bacon butts had been ordered and tea was brewing. It was time for some Difficult Conversations. Some of them turned out to be related to wet flags.

A group of about 15 veterans gathered for their weekly chat. A jolly man wore a Christmas sweater that said “I touch my elf when I think of you.” Another, a former SAS officer, was wearing a black polo shirt bearing the “Taliban hunting squad” emblem.

The group enjoys telling war stories and engaging in almost the kind of banter that “civilians find offensive” they freely admit. But lately he has been working with a charity called the group. Who is your neighbor?This facilitates conversations in white working-class communities around the general topic of “things you can’t say anymore.”

Who is your neighbor? is one of five charities partnering with the Guardian on the 2025 Hope appeal, whose work supports grassroots organizations bringing communities together with practical projects that create hope and pride and provide an antidote to division and despair.

This area of ​​Rotherham is 94% white; A community that formed around a mine that closed more than 30 years ago. The grievances run deep. Inside the center is a wall of black-and-white photographs of the battle of Orgreave, where miners were beaten by police officers. They love smart things here, especially on club nights. The sign on the door reads: “Please note! No one wearing tracksuit bottoms will be allowed into the club on Friday/Saturday.”

Two miles away is the hotel that was set on fire by protesters in the summer of 2024 while refugees were inside.

Who is your neighbor? The programme’s two facilitators, Brad and Anna, revealed the morning’s discussion topics: What does being British mean to you? So what does the union jack or the British flag mean to you?

For the next 45 minutes, the group drank tea and shared their thoughts. Later, a woman named Jane said there were disagreements but no disagreements. “We had a bit of a disagreement, didn’t we?” he said, smiling at Ali, the only Asian in the group and a veteran of duty in Afghanistan.

“Do you know about child sexual abuse happening in Rotherham?” Jane explained. “And I was saying, why do Pakistani men and Pakistani boys see white girls as trash?” Ali was not offended. “The guys that got arrested and stuff like that, those were my generation,” he began. He objected to labeling the abusers as Pakistanis. “They call it Pakistani boys, but most of them are born and raised here. It’s quite scary.”

Ali told the group that Rotherham had felt increasingly hostile towards brown-skinned people “since the flags were taken down”. Just last week he was in a park and was “told to get out of the country.” He told the person shouting at him that he was actually born in Britain and had served in the army. “When I tell them I’m a senior they say: ‘Oh man, yeah, yeah great, you did a good job for the country.’ But it’s too late because they already judged me by my color, because I’m Muslim and I have a beard.”

Who is your neighbor? It was founded in South Yorkshire in 2010 when several community activists noticed that when they spoke to people, especially in the poorest neighbourhoods, they heard the same thing: a complaint that people were “not allowed” to speak their minds.

Most of them were related to immigration. The feeling that their community is changing rapidly and that it no longer feels like theirs. Solution? A program where people can chat constructively and thoughtfully.

Who is your neighbor? It works on three principles. First: “Better outside than inside” – they invite people to speak their minds. Two: “Most people are nice” – they do not judge and start from the assumption that no one in the conversation intends harm. Three: “Curiosity is good” – they do not aim to preach or push an agenda.

The group does not allow racism to go unchallenged, but facilitators gently encourage finding out what might be behind a comment. Tariq, the charity’s chief executive, says very few people are deliberately racist.

“Most people are sincere, good-hearted, well-intentioned and do not want to upset others. However, where we are now, where we live this time, the voices of those who do not want us to live together are really loud. Social media, the media are very loud.”

“We’re told everything is shit: ‘Look at this shoplifting!’ ‘Look at them fighting in the street about nothing!’ ‘Look at that bus stop where people aren’t queuing.’ “And along with ‘we can’t get together,’ there’s a narrative that’s all about ‘so much stuff being brought here.'”

But we to be Tarık insisted on getting along together. “At the end, at the base and at the top, it comes down to this: we all — most of us — want the same thing. I want my family and the people I love to be safe and taken care of. And I don’t want other people to get hurt. A group of people in a room saying: ‘We’re really struggling with how things are changing on our streets, but we want to find a way to make it work’ is not racism.”

Who is your neighbor? simple but still rare. “We give people a voice,” says Brad, one of the facilitators. “We give people the chance to talk about topics that many think they can’t discuss.” Participant Sue says they did this “without anyone fighting.”

* Names of all participants have been changed