What parents must do before giving kids a smartphone
The longer you wait to give your child a smartphone or let them participate in social media, the more likely they are to be happy and successful in adulthood, says psychologist Jean Twenge.
To help parents ease this technological lag, Twenge recommends starting to teach children how to use these technologies safely and healthily at least six years in advance. Starting early, he says, helps prepare children for healthier relationships with online technologies, helping them develop into well-adjusted, successful adults.
“Ideally, it’s great to keep these rules in mind when your kids are in late elementary school to be prepared, because kids are getting these devices at an increasingly younger age,” says Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and his latest book:10 Rules for Raising Children in a High-Tech WorldIt was released on September 2.
In his book, Twenge recommended that children not use social media until the age of 16, and wrote that children should not own smartphones unless they have a driver’s license and are expected to “act independently.” Rationale: These technologies contribute at higher rates mental health problems in young peopleLike anxiety and depression, he wrote.
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These revelations made headlines, especially since many U.S. parents are giving their children smartphones and social media access much earlier. in one Pew Research Center’s latest researchMore than half of U.S. parents said their children ages 11 to 12 already have their own smartphone.
If you talk to your kids about how to use internet technology responsibly before they turn 10, or if they’re regularly using internet-connected devices like laptops at a younger age, you can help them understand and internalize the potential downsides of excessive smartphone and social media use, she says.
For example, you can discuss the types of personal information you should not share with anyone online, from nude pictures to personal information such as home address or Social Security Number. You can talk about the value of privacy; You can remind your kids to never assume that a text or Snapchat message will remain private, and to never post any information or opinions online that they wouldn’t feel comfortable announcing over their school’s loudspeaker.
Twenge also recommends teaching kids that “your time is a valuable resource” and that they may regret spending much of their youth on a device instead of meeting face-to-face with friends and family.
The goal, Twenge says, is to hope they develop a healthier relationship with these technologies as they get older. But he says these conversations alone won’t guarantee success; because you also need to do something else.
Initiate healthy dialogue, ‘then put parental controls in place’
Twenge’s other important advice: Set strict rules for how your kids can use devices and the internet once you’ve made them comfortable.
One of the rules in Twenge’s book is that smartphones are banned during school days and spending the night in children’s bedrooms. Another of their rules states that if parents want to give their child a device, their first phone should be a “basic” phone; a phone that is not connected to the internet but allows them to make calls and send messages to friends and family.
You can also use parental controls to guide kids’ first smartphone experiences, like setting daily usage time limits or blocking adult-themed websites and apps to ensure kids aren’t immersed in hours of social media.
“Teach them that moderation is important, and then put parental controls in place to make sure you don’t waste your breath,” Twenge wrote.
Whatever you do, communicate your rules directly to your children, she says.
“We’re going to have this conversation [and] Be very specific about what controls we put on that phone,” Twenge says. “Even when he gets that smartphone, [for] “For example, we’re going to block app downloads, so if he wants to add additional apps, that’s a discussion, rather than him doing it unilaterally, that’s a discussion, we don’t even know what’s going on here.”
If your kids already have smartphones or social media and you’re starting to regret that decision, don’t think it’s ever too late to reverse those choices, Twenge says. Be honest and transparent about why they made that decision, saying: “Look, I made a mistake. I learned more and we’re going to do this differently from now on…”
Even if your child’s initial reaction is extreme — “Doors might slam,” she notes — stay firm and try to put things into perspective, she suggests. “Tell them: ‘Hey, you’ll still be able to text your friends. You’ll still be able to call me. It’s either that or it’s no fun.’ “This helps put it in context.”
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