Bins, heating, switching off the lights: Top household arguments for couples revealed
The world can be a complicated and scary place, so finding a partner and eventually building a calm and peaceful home together is a guaranteed response—until that illusion is shattered by the realization that the other person doesn’t have the physical ability to turn off a light or pick up their own underwear. Then you’re back to square one – but now you’re angrier.
A new survey of 2,000 adults living together shows that Britain’s fiercest domestic rows (in non-abusive relationships) are not over society’s big problems, but over heating settings, TV volume and the elusive art of stacking the dishwasher correctly.
Other flashpoints include finishing the milk without notice, shoving more trash into an already overflowing bin, and leaving shoes in the middle of the floor.
The survey also pitted men and women against each other in judging whether they emerged victorious in an argument or had to admit defeat.
40 percent of both men and women claim they tend to reach a compromise, while 29 percent of men see themselves as winners most of the time; Only five percent say it is their partner who usually wins.
Meanwhile, 19 percent of women say that they usually have the last word, while 5 percent say that their partners usually win the argument.
Does all this add up? Of course not, but arguments rarely adhere to logic and precision. But arguments are an almost inevitable part of living with another person, and how we handle conflict is integral to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Annah McCurry, a PhD researcher at the University of St Andrews whose work focuses on the role of emotion in intimate conflict, said: Independent: “This list is full of unavoidable tasks: trash cans must be emptied, dishes must be cleaned, toilet paper must definitely be changed! Many unavoidable tasks mean many opportunities for boredom and conflict. Conflict is a natural part of people living together.”
“The existence of conflict does not mean that the relationship will end. What is important is how the conflict is handled and resolved.”
He added: “Our research has shown that one way to reduce conflict and prevent petty arguments from escalating is simply to take action. 5 second break. If you feel overwhelmed and want to yell at your partner, stop. “Breathe and imagine you’re talking to someone you love.”
Experts also said how we argue can have a broader impact not only on the couple but also on other family members, especially children.
“Occasional conflict between couples is a natural and relatively normal part of relationship dynamics,” said Gordon Harold, professor of educational psychology and mental health at the University of Cambridge.
“What matters in terms of positive or negative outcomes is not whether couples argue from time to time, but how arguments are expressed and managed. In situations where conflicts occur frequently, remain unresolved, and are blaming, individuals and couples may experience multiple negative outcomes. Where conflicts can be managed constructively, resolved effectively, and blame can be avoided, most individuals and couples can adapt and function positively.”
In terms of better managing our approach to family conflict, Professor Harold said: Independent: “Recognizing the factors that precipitate the situation can help prevent or better manage the triggers or behaviors that lead to conflict. Focus on understanding the factors that may cause the behaviors/actions and try to resolve the problem constructively rather than singling out a single person to blame (e.g., “always you…etc”).”
“Children whose parents manage conflict in relationships constructively, resolve problems without acrimony, and for whom constructive communication is a feature of conflict-related management and resolution strategies are evidence of numerous positive developmental outcomes.”
This includes prosocial behavior, positive interpersonal relationship dynamics, as well as improved mental health and well-being, he said.
The survey was conducted by British energy company Utilita, which determined where it stands on the great thermostat debate by siding with men who want a cooler home: 29 percent of women claimed to have the final say on thermostat setting, compared to 15 percent of men.
“However, this will likely lead to warmer homes, as 41 percent of women admitted they prefer warmer temperatures than their partners,” the company warned.
“Cutting down the heating by one degree could save the average household more than £100 a year,” they added.
Okay, okay, we hear you.
DISCUSSIONS OF THE FIRST 30 COUPLES IN THE HOUSEHOLD:
- Leaving lights on in empty rooms 23%
- At what temperature the heating should be 19%
- Not doing your fair share of housework 18%
- Leaving shoes in the middle of the room/doorway 17%
- 16% at what volume the TV should be
- Packing trash into an already full trash can instead of emptying it 16%
- Do not take items left on the stairs upstairs when you exceed 16%.
- Using last of things like milk/toilet paper and not saying anything 15%
- Not changing the empty toilet roll after the last one is used 15%
- Leaving dirty laundry on the floor 14%
- At what temperature should the heating be turned on by 14%?
- Leaving dirty dishes next to the dishwasher rather than in it 13%
- How to stack the dishwasher 13%
- Leaving toilet paper seeds anywhere other than the trash 13%
- Leaving dishes in water instead of just washing them 12%
- Whether the toilet seat should be up or down 12%
- What to eat for dinner 11%
- Phone use at the dinner table 11%
- 10% when someone leaves plates/glasses in the bedroom
- Slamming doors 10%
- Emptying the trash but not putting in a new trash bag 10%
- Leaving hair in the plug hole 9%
- Leaving recycling next to the trash instead of in it 9%
- Fighting over the TV remote/what to watch on TV 8%
- Moving phone charger from expected location 8%
- Leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor 8%
- Eating the last biscuit/chocolate 8%
- Staying in the shower for too long and using all the hot water 8%
- Occupying the bathroom 7%
- Who will take out the trash cans 6%
