I thought I was a sophisticated drinker because I worked in banking and did a wine tasting course – only at 48 did I wake up to reality…I was an alcoholic

My favorite California Chardonnay dinner of the evening was one evening in a wine bar and I reached for my phone to order a Uber.

Although it was still early and I lived right next to a train station, my favorite rolling soporifying blanket meant that there was no way to enter public transport.

As I passed through my phone, a pair of instructors hit my eye and encouraged by the drink in my blood circulation, I made a spontaneous purchase.

The next morning, I haven’t only struggled with nausea waves and a gnawing sense of anxiety, but also a taxi house, new shoes and the extra tours I insisted on buying in the bar, thanks to a notch in my bank balance.

I couldn’t believe I did this again.

I never intend to get drunk. But the next day I would often wake up and there would be parts of the night I wouldn’t remember.

Feeling physically terrible is united with the waves of great concern and embarrassment, and so I will always promise myself: ‘I will control more next time’. But I really fought.

This is the cycle that I repeated over and over again for my 30s and during my 40s.

Since I had a successful career in investment banking, I thought I was a ‘class’ drinker and my six -digit salary financed the quality wine I consumed in bars and restaurants with colleagues.

I did a wine tasting course at Wine and Spirit Education Trust in London and went to Sonoma Valley and go out with a friend who knows a real wine and a crowd of Bon Viveurs. We all felt really cosmopolitan.

Of course, if you consume large amounts, it doesn’t matter how high quality the alcohol is and I definitely felt the next morning.

I can’t remember that I didn’t work because of the evening, but there were certain times when I didn’t feel great.

If we were going to go out one night and someone suggested dinner in advance, a manager: ‘Food is cheating’ would say.

People could not escape from it now, but still with the effect of the ’90s’ culture ‘culture’, it was very similar to that you had to prove yourself and keep yourself.

The next day, working with an evening was seen as a part of the work and a badge of honor.

At night, all of the painful heads that emerged were hugged with my career, created a dignity covering. Regardless of the context, I was still ignoring that there was still a very heavy drink.

According to Sandra: ‘I was spending £ 6,000 a year at the summit of my drink and I fought with drinks for 20 years and cost me more than £ 100,000’

He was only 48 years old after staying on a holiday in Myanmar, especially after a terrible evening.

I was sick of anxiety, nausea, regret and shame – but the cost of drinking was more than physical.

At the summit of my drink, I was spending £ 6,000 per year and calculated that my 20 -year boozing was more than £ 100,000.

Instead of being drunk at home, I usually drink in a bar or restaurant because of the nature of my job. I didn’t want the party to end, I jumped on extra tours and of course tabs were added.

After my obstacles have been downloaded due to alcohol, I would do impulse purchases, including clothes, shoes and trainers, or make a journey by itself. Even though I lived next to a station, I would order Ubers because I was very lazy to buy public transport.

Attempt to drink came when I was 15 and started to drink apple wine with my friends. I would try to drink because I was a very tense person, especially about exams. I’d get panic attacks.

My family was only going to drink on special occasions, but I got old in the age of culture. When I started university at Glasgow, my friends and I saw drinking as an important part of student life, and our fuel was mixed with Blackcurrant to mask the taste of alcohol.

Drinking helped me relax when I was young, and I equalized alcohol with confidence. I couldn’t imagine that if someone had been a birthday or on the weekend or vacation.

56-year-old Sandra stopped drinking in 2018 and has not returned to alcohol since then-but he notes that it is not enough to overcome alcohol addiction

In 1993, when I moved from Scotland to North London and was described as an accountant, it was a very difficult work, playing harsh culture.

I was often going out and drinking. The parts of the night I didn’t remember would usually be. It would usually be vodka and Red Bull, to know that the caffeines in it will help me keep boosing.

I was drinking hooch at the beginning of my 20s, then I went into wine, I was my favorite in my 30s California Chardonnay.

If I was on holiday, I drank every night, I would drink every weekend, I would have had every bank holiday. I never go out and drink. I mean, even if I was going to the cinema with a friend, I would drink or go out for something to eat.

Sometimes I had a drink at home, but thanks to my social life, I was drinking something from four nights a week to seven nights a week. It would definitely be every night when running to Christmas. I often lost the number of drinks I had, but it would always be at least one bottle of wine.

There are many ways to justify them at night and night when they are younger. But in my 40s it was so bad that I came to the point I thought, ‘I can’t stand it anymore.’

When I lived every evening, I would have a physically sick and painful head.

Then there was mental turmoil – shame, embarrassment, anxiety, self -doubt, low mood, postponement. I felt really low for putting myself in this position again and I would disgust myself.

Over the years, I grew less resistant, and drinking became increasingly difficult. My sleep arrangements were getting worse and passing through perimenopause increased my feelings of concern.

After giving up alcohol, Sandra became a coach (in the picture) and he only founded a tonic coaching business to help others stop drinking

The turning point was a sailing journey in Myanmar in December 2017

I had a really bad evening on a sailboat boat in the most beautiful parts of the world. I couldn’t imagine a worse place for the evening on New Year’s Eve – the constant rocking of the boat felt terrible.

That day I didn’t go out of the cabin until 18.00 and I was uncomfortable with myself that I was wasting a week’s holiday. As the waves of concern and sea disease were washed on me, I promised myself, I will never take to stay from this evening again.

I asked myself: ‘Are you still doing this in the 40s?’ I felt like I was still stuck in my 20s. Although he promised myself so much before I changed, I was breaking my holiday.

Why was I doing this again? Why was I ruining such a beautiful event? I’ve been talking about giving up the drink so long and something inside me was caught. I said to myself: ‘This is this. I will never get drunk again ‘.

I knew it would be difficult and I was determined to get appropriate help. It was more than a new year decision, but I had to find the right way to make a change.

After the vacation, I haven’t tried January dry because I tried it many times and it made me miserable. I knew it didn’t work.

AA (alcoholics anonymous) wasn’t for me either. I didn’t feel like my life hit the bottom of the rock, and there was nothing in the 12 steps that I thought would help me. If I had gone, I would probably convince myself that I wasn’t so bad and I kept drinking.

Sandra thought that ‘drinking is completely about to adapt and have fun’ – until he realized that alcohol made anxiety even worse

It took me six months for me to return to a life coach that gave me a lot of vehicles to deal with my concern, which is about worrying about being good in my health, money and work.

When we were overly worried, it helped me understand that we tended to disaster something. Although I have very worrying thoughts, I learned that I could challenge them.

What I haven’t noticed in the past, but now I know at 56, and I’m single, my concern has become much worse than alcohol.

It is not possible to overcome alcohol dependence on will. I don’t think you can go to a place where you don’t drink unless you deal with what you drink to match.

My coach helped me solve the concern and take life without having to drink. It was more difficult for me to realize that I had a traditional problem, it didn’t look like one because I didn’t drink every night, and I didn’t follow an alcoholic cliché.

I had the last drink on June 30, 2018. While on holiday in Malaga, there was a Rosé in a restaurant. It was seven years ago.

If I could change something that had such a big part of my identity, I thought there should be other people who would benefit.

In 2019, I only established a tonic coaching and helped people of a wide age, from a student in their early twenties to a 80s woman.

More than 90 percent of my customers feel that they are completely non -alcoholic and under control in the last month. They choose not to drink because they don’t need it anymore than fighting the desire to drink. The mantra of my job is ‘control over alcohol by creating self -esteem’.

The program is a group of one group and one -to -one coaching to get control over alcohol, so they no longer feel deprived.

People tell me better parents, sharper and more focused on work, to sleep better, to eat healthier, and often feel good about themselves – sometimes for the first time for the first time.

I feel for my women who are so conditioned to feel that heavy drinking is normal – to feel that they have to be one of the ladies because of their careers.

Men also make up to 40 percent of my customers and the number is increasing.

I believe that heavy drinking is a problem that even affects women and men. There are still too much embarrassment and many people are ashamed to talk about it now.

It shouldn’t be that way. If you can cope for the reasons you drink overly, it will be the best thing you’ve ever done.