Psychologists Share the 9 Things Gaslighters Hate and Why You Should Do Them
Whether you’ve been gaslighted in the past or are currently experiencing some form of gaslighting by a friend, family member, lover, or co-worker, you may be wondering how to deal with a gaslighting (specifically, What gaslighters hate so you can get under their skin).
“Gaslighting is about power and control, and gaslighters try to manipulate and distort communication to make you doubt yourself,” she says Dr. Lainey ButlerPsyDShe is a licensed psychologist at ChangeWell Psych in Charlotte, NC. “Deep down, they are afraid of exposing their own flaws, so they try to maintain a false narrative that they are always right and in control.”
However, if you do things that threaten a gaslighter’s sense of security—whether it’s gaining more self-confidence or talking to others outside of them—then they will become uncomfortable and possibly even benefit you in the long run when you loosen their grip on your life.
Ahead, we spoke to psychologists about nine things gaslighters really dislike, and you might want to keep these in your back pocket for your own sake. If you haven’t been able to do these things successfully on your own before, this list may help you. But if you still feel distressed or can’t do these things yet, it’s always a good idea to reach out to a mental health professional so they can help you live a healthier, happier life.
Related: 4 Common Habits of Top Gaslighters, According to Psychologists
What is ‘Gaslighter’?
A gaslighter is someone who manipulates another person into doubting their own memory, perception, or reality. Although it is often intentional, sometimes it can be such an ingrained behavior that it is not entirely intentional; but that doesn’t take away how toxic it still is.
“Most of the time the gaslighter is aware of what they are doing, but sometimes they may engage in gaslighting behavior subconsciously,” he says Dr. Shereen A. Mohsen, A clinical psychologist in San Jose, CA. “They often use various techniques such as denial, distortion, or shifting the blame to gain control in the relationship and make the other person question themselves, which often leads to the person becoming more dependent on them.”
9 Things Gaslighters Hate, According to Psychologists
1. Confronting the evidence
According to gaslighters, they thrive on denial and distortion Dr. Sakshi KapurShe is a psychologist at Parkview Health in Fort Wayne, IN.
“When you bring receipts (texts, emails, witnesses), they may attack you or get defensive, accuse you of being “obsessed” or “paranoid,” or deflect or change the subject,” he explains.
Dr. Mohsen adds that when there is hard evidence, such as written communications (again, like texts, emails, etc.) or outside witnesses, they cannot easily distort the narrative, which threatens their control.
2. Accepting limits
When you set firm boundaries (i.e. tell them, “I won’t discuss this if you continue to deny it”), the gaslighter loses his power.
Dr. “Gaslighters don’t like boundaries because they protect the person they’re trying to manipulate,” says Mohsen. “As a result, the person is less vulnerable and more difficult to control.”
Related: Gasping Your Partner Could Be Like These 7 Phrases, According to a Relationship Psychologist
3. Being ignored
Dr. According to Kapur, gas burners require attention and control.
“No contact, remaining emotionally unresponsive, or walking away can drive them crazy because they can no longer pull your strings,” she says.
Although the Gray Rock Method is used a lot with narcissists, it seems like you can get some use out of it with a gaslighter, too.
4. Learning that you have an outside support system
Having close friends and family can drive a gaslighter crazy because outside of them you have someone to turn to for support.
Dr. “Gaslighters hate when you have close friends, family, or therapists validating your experiences,” says Kapur. “Isolation is one of their tools, so they resist anything that strengthens your independence.”
Gaslighters want you to depend on them for the “truth,” so the more you get different perspectives on the situation from others, the harder it is for them to maintain control, he adds. Dr. Arlene Waldron, Psy.D, LMFTClinical Director of Newport Healthcare for Southern California.
5. Not getting an emotional response
Staying calm in an emotionally charged situation is one of the things gaslighters hate the most.
Dr. “Gaslighters often want to provoke an emotional response to something they can use against you,” Waldron shares. “Responding calmly and realistically leaves less to distort or exploit.”
Related: 75 Quotes About Gaslighting to Help You Identify and Get Rid of This Toxic Behavior of Manipulators
6. Seeing yourself as confident
Trust is crucial in many situations, especially when dealing with a gaslighter.
Dr. “If someone is confident and trusts their own emotions, intuition, and memory, traditional gaslighting tactics don’t work as well,” says Mohsen. Parade. “Gaslighters hate this because their goal is to make the other person doubt themselves.”
7. Learning to agree to disagree
Butler says gaslighters often perceive a hierarchy in which they are at the top and you are at the bottom.
“If you agree to disagree, it not only challenges the gaslighter’s narrative, but also gives them a way to manipulate less,” she explains.
8. Realizing that you trust your intuition
The purpose of the gaslighter is to make you doubt yourself. So, with that in mind, Dr. According to Mohsen, if you’re confident and rely on your own emotions, intuition, and memory, traditional gaslighting tactics don’t work as well.
9. Seeing yourself grow
Dr. According to Kapur, Gaslighters hate seeing any sign that you are healing, getting stronger, or seeing through them because it threatens their power. Whether you are actively in therapy or working on your own.growth and discovery, a gaslighter will not like it when he notices that you have become a stronger, smarter, healthier person.
Related: 10 Manipulative Tactics Straight Out of a Gaslighter’s Playbook, According to Psychologists
Why Do These Tactics Work?
If you find yourself dealing with a gaslighter, then using these tactics that gaslighters hate may help you. And the reason they work is because of how it changes the power dynamic they so desperately want to control.
Dr. “These strategies work because they give the power back to you,” according to Waldron. “Gaslighting is based on confusion and self-doubt, and when you prioritize holding on to your reality, setting boundaries, and bringing additional perspectives through communication with other close relationships, you take control away from the gaslighter and break the cycle.”
Next:
Related: Psychologists Reveal the No. 1 Trick Gaslighters Use to Hook You Up
Sources:
This story was first reported by: Parade First appeared on November 2, 2025 Life section. Add Parade as follows: Preferred Source by clicking here.
