Couples who ‘truly trust’ each other never use 8 phrases
Trust is the foundation of emotional intimacy and long-term connection in romantic relationships.
when you trust your partnerYou believe that they will fulfill their commitments. But it also shapes up like this: your past experiences and emotional patterns. For example, if you experienced betrayal in a previous relationship, you may have difficulty believing that others can be trusted, even if they can be trusted.
As a Harvard-educated psychologist specializing in relationships, I’ve seen how trust affects the way couples communicate. Couples who truly trust each other never use the eight phrases that silently cause long-term damage.
1. ‘Do you love me?’
Constantly seeking reassurance can be a sign of insecurity. Even if your partner answers “yes,” it may feel insincere, especially if you have to ask.
If you trust that your partner cares about you, share with them that you feel vulnerable and want to connect.
Instead they say:
- “I’m feeling a little vulnerable. Can I give you a hug?”
- “It’s important to me that we express how we feel. How have you been feeling about us lately?”
2. ‘Let me see your phone.’
When in doubt, it can be tempting to do a “check-up.” However, surveillance indicates a lack of trust. In healthy relationships, privacy is respected. You both have your own space and right to communicate.
Instead they say:
- “I sense something is wrong. Is there something you’re not telling me?”
- “I noticed you got a text message late at night. Is everything okay?”
3. ‘I don’t even know you anymore.’
We are always growing and changing. It’s part of life. In relationships based on trust, change is seen as an opportunity to grow together over time.
Instead they say:
- “I didn’t know that about you.”
- “Even after all this time, I’m still learning about you. I love it.”
4. ‘Don’t leave me.’
Commitment is important. But if the dysfunction continues over time, your partner may leave (or vice versa!). You want to trust that your partner will stay because they choose to, not because you guilt trip them, manipulate them, or beg them to do so.
Instead they say:
- “I believe we will get through this difficult process”
- “If you feel like this relationship isn’t right, it’s going to be hard for me. But I’ll get through it.”
5. ‘I can’t talk to you about this.’
Couples who trust each other are ready to talk about anything, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it may be. They believe their partners will be respectful and stay connected even if they disagree.
Instead they say:
- “I know I can tell you anything.”
- “Thank you for loving me even when it was hard.”
6. ‘Send me a message every hour.’
Couples who trust each other give each other space. This means they don’t need constant control to feel safe. They know that their partner is good and even thrives when they are physically apart.
Instead they say:
- “Have fun tonight!”
- “Text me on your way home.”
7. ‘I’m done with you.’
Relationships go through ups and downs. Saying “I’m done” in the heat of an argument can cause long-term damage. Couples who trust each other do not make empty threats and know that one difficult moment does not mean that the relationship is over.
Instead they say:
- “We’ll figure this out.”
- “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got your back.”
8. ‘You should know why I’m sad.’
It’s not fair to expect your partner to read your mind. Communication is the key to every successful relationship. If you trust your partner, you stay engaged and speak to him or her respectfully.
Instead they say:
- “That’s why I’m sorry.”
- “I need to calm down, but I’ll be back when I’m ready to talk.”
Dr. Cortney S. WarrenPhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Giving up on your ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. After receiving his doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University, he received his clinical training at Harvard Medical School. Follow him on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.
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