What Makes a Good Man? Hyderabad Speaks Up
Hyderabad: People in Hyderabad were asked to answer a deceptively simple question on International Men’s Day about what makes a good man, and the answers revealed more than expected.
“A good man today listens, supports and is aware of the world around him,” said Abhishek P, an IT consultant in the city, adding, surprisingly, that men need to recognize the “power of empathy” as well as the long history of prejudice created by patriarchy.
A few women also responded. Esha says, “Men have a problem with anything that doesn’t elevate their ego, that has to go,” while Samriti tries to live equality instead of talking about it, saying “a good man shows vulnerability.”
This year, International Men’s Day took place with the theme ‘Celebrating Men and Boys’ and Hyderabad saw greetings from police commissioner CV Anand and brand campaigns this time focusing on friendship, breaking stereotypes and honest, healthy communication.
“You’re tired of ‘boys will be boys’ campaigns. Grow up,” Esha said. Writer and activist Rekha Raj wrote in a famous blog about how patriarchal ideals push men to “constantly prove their masculinity” and produce “higher gender expectations,” which many participants noticed in their own routines.
In the same vein, Sabyasachi said that “a good man nowadays shows kindness without mistaking it for weakness” and urged men to “control your men”. Arinjoy added that “respect for every individual” is the basis of everything, and Krish said that values and integrity are important to him.
Researchers and clinicians have tracked these pressures for years, and psychiatrists note that men are reluctant to seek help when stress increases because they perceive it as weakness.
A Lancet study reported that there has been a huge increase in male suicide deaths in India in the last decade, with the death rate of married men being nearly three times higher than that of married women, but women are more likely to have suicidal thoughts.
A counselor at a weekend support group in the city said they were receiving “about 20 new calls for help every week,” mostly from workers fearful of sudden job loss.
“Most of the people coming to us now are IT people,” he said, adding that “AI is taking over, things are uncertain,” which dovetails with national concerns. Bell Hooks once wrote that patriarchy pushes men to “feel pain and deny their feelings,” and Karthikaya S., in her early twenties, echoed this when she said that many men “struggle with their self-worth” after failing to live up to the scripts attached to roles such as son and brother.
Many participants also pointed to Netflix’s Adolescent when discussing shame, comparison, and online pressure. Many mentioned role models, and one participant said she felt Zohran Mamdani was “caring and responsible, a good guy. Right?”
Another praised Rahul Dravid for his calm presence and said Virat Kohli’s openness about stress and emotions is important. “Femininity should not be seen as weakness,” Nina said, and Abhishek thought men should embrace qualities that have long been labeled as feminine, while Reddit threads in India sparked discussions around the alarming rise of incel slang among young users.
“Yes, we need more awareness… our resources are limited but we are trying,” said the counselor who spoke to the distressed men, and many residents believe these conversations helped the men name emotions they once felt forbidden.
