Kristi Noem’s husband alleged to live secret life, raising blackmail fears

I had no intention of attacking Kristi Noem.

He did a particularly lousy job at ICE and FEMA, seemed obsessed with promoting himself on horseback in a prison in Salvador or at Mount Rushmore, and President Trump fired him. He probably waited too long, but he removed her as Secretary of Homeland Security. End of story.

So far.

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I know this smacks of gossipy tabloidism, but this directly involves the former secretary and raises the possibility of blackmail, which is what makes the incident extremely serious. And this is followed by romantic rumors that he rejected it.

Having gathered a ton of evidence, the Daily Mail is reporting on husband Bryon Noem’s “secret life,” to use that headline-grabbing cliché.

There are several photos of Bryon Noem in pink panties and huge fake breasts.

Post reporters interviewed several “fetish” models affiliated with women who claimed to have an online relationship with Noem and fantasized about being Barbie dolls with massive curves (far dwarfing actual skinny dolls). This is called “bimboization”.

The report said Mr. Noem paid these women thousands of dollars for their services and sometimes made obscene demands. I’ll spare you the uncomfortable details.

Kristi’s reps said: New York Post: “Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was caught off guard by this situation and are asking for privacy and prayers at this time.”

The president told the Daily Mail he was surprised to hear Noem’s family confirmed the shocking report of her suggestive online behavior.

“Did they approve it? Wow, if that’s the case, I feel bad for the family, that’s terrible,” Trump said in a phone interview.

But here’s the key part. The Mail says Noem made little attempt to hide extracurricular activities and gave women her husband’s phone number along with a voicemail stating his job.

The real concern, and the reason this is newsworthy, is that Kristi may have been blackmailed.

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Former CIA officer Marc Polymeropoulos told the newspaper: “If a media outlet can find out, you can assume with high confidence that the enemy intelligence service knows about it too.”

An editor at Glenn Beck’s The Blaze said: “The entire GOP is full of corrupt people, probably more than the Democrats at this point. And in this case, this was all known long before he was appointed. It was a crazy appointment.”

Okay, I think we’re all sick of this.

Bryon Noem, center, husband of former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, watches Kristi Noem testify at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Tuesday, March 3, 2026 in Washington, DC. (Graeme Sloan/Bloomberg via Getty Images)

Let’s go back to the new DHS secretary, former senator Markwayne Mullin.

Aspect New York Times According to reports, “Mullin has worked to a less flashy start: briefing members of Congress on the effects of the government shutdown, attending White House meetings, and filming a video talking to the people he now supervises. ‘I think I have the best employees ever working at DHS — I mean that wholeheartedly,'” he said, according to reports.

Mullin still must manage a mass deportation program that has lost public approval, especially after the killing of two American citizens in Minneapolis. And he largely agrees with Trump’s hardline views.

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At his confirmation hearing, Mullin said: “My goal in six months is to not be on the main story every day. My goal is for people to understand that we’re there, we’re protecting them, we’re working with them.”

This will be a difficult balancing act as the two parties cannot agree on a way to resolve the partial government shutdown, especially since funding for DHS, except for TSA workers, is frozen by executive order for now.

What’s clear is that the Kristi Noem era is over with a new boss who wants to avoid headlines rather than make them.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem is sworn in before testifying at a Senate Judiciary Committee oversight hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, Tuesday, March 3, 2026. (Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP Photo)

Footnote: Jimmy Kimmel is receiving backlash for making disparaging remarks about Markwayne Mullin.

“Let me be very clear, I’m not upset that the head of Homeland Security used to be a plumber. I’m upset that he’s still not a plumber,” Kimmel said. “That’s right. Now we have a plumber protecting us from terrorism. It worked in Super Mario. Why not Markwayne?”

This was widely criticized as degrading to the working class.

“Secretary Mullin represents the best of blue-collar America, and that’s why failed comedian Jimmy Kimmel chooses to mock him,” a DHS spokesperson told Fox.

Moreover, Mullin took over the debt-ridden family business and transformed it into a large regional operation, including real estate and environmental services.

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Kimmel doubled down despite the criticism. “Just like I wouldn’t call in a five-star general to get a mouse out of my toilet, I wouldn’t call in a plumber from Homeland Security. OK? We all have our own areas of expertise.”

Jimmy’s got a big ear for this.