I married a cult leader at 18. I tried escaping 10 different times, but the system made it nearly impossible.

• Briell Decker grew up in the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

• When she was 18, she married FLDS leader Warren Jeffs. She was his 65th wife.

• Decker escaped after multiple attempts in 2012. He now helps other survivors rebuild their lives.

This article, as told, is based on a conversation with Briell Decker, 40, a former member of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the 65th wife of former leader Warren Jeffs. She married Jeffs through an arranged marriage in 2004, when she was 18 years old. Edited for length and clarity.

I was born and raised there FLDS belief. Since childhood, my days have revolved around religious education.

I devoted at least four hours a day to sermons; in the morning with my family, at school, after lunch, and before bed.

I believed everything my family told me and Warren JeffsHe became the prophet of the FLDS in 2002 and was presented as the closest person to God on earth.

Growing up, no one asked me what I wanted to be, I was expected to be a “mother in Zion.” Longing for Zion Ranch was the main FLDS compound in Texas.

When I was 18, my father wrote a letter and recommended me. Marriage to Warren Jeffs. I said yes even though I was scared and didn’t like him.

Women can technically refuse marriage, but the consequences can be severe. Losing your family, your community, and your place in the church was always a possibility.

When I look back at that moment when I agreed to marry Jeff, I felt as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff with no chance of turning back.

Jeff had a talent for making everything he did seem right, even if it was wrong. He used the Book of Mormon to justify his actions. That’s what makes me believe the FLDS a cult. (Many organizations, documentaries, and other former FLDS members have also described the FLDS as a cult.)

I was once brought to one of Jeff’s group sessions (aka an orgy). he was bringing underage brides He walked into the room where the adult spouses were and it was a very bad situation. I wanted no part of it and wanted more time to adjust so I wouldn’t have to go back afterwards. I never had to.

I was married to Jeffs for two years before he went to prison, and I remained in the FLDS as part of his group for many years until he escaped in 2012. I never consummated my marriage.

Control shaped everything; where I live, what I eat and how I think

Jeff controlled nearly every part of my life and the lives of everyone at the church.

For example, he held the deeds to everyone’s homes in a legal trust and used that to control the residences. He decided where people lived and could move families whenever he wanted.

The women in his family, including me, were not allowed to leave our home freely. We couldn’t go out. The food Jeff selected for us was brought home. In some places there were cameras and officers watching us. In fact, there was no way out.

Restrictions were tightened over time, especially in the mid-2000s when Jeffs was under police investigation. We got rid of televisions and internet access. I think this helps hide the truth from people.

I tried to escape again and again but every try made it harder

I tried to escape about 10 times before I succeeded. No matter how hard I try, control is tighter I was around.

In an early attempt, I contacted the police and thought I could leave the place for good. But they said they wanted to place me in a shelter close to the FLDS compound and that it didn’t feel safe to me.

It was the first time I was trying to explain what was happening, and I didn’t know how to explain why being so close to the compound still felt dangerous. I went back to my FLDS family in Short Creek on the Arizona-Utah border because I couldn’t see how the police’s plan would work.

After that, I started planning more quietly. I would look in phone books or try to find where I could go, but often I was seen before I could get very far. People were expected to report anything suspicious, so it didn’t take long for someone to notice.

At one point, after I tried to leave, the room I was in physically changed. They put screws in the window so it wouldn’t open fully and turned the doorknob so I couldn’t unlock it from the inside.

Even calling for help was risky. In some areas, calling 911 could put you in contact with people affiliated with the FLDS, so it didn’t feel like a safe option. There was no clear path to outside support, and I didn’t have access to information that could help me navigate that path.

the day I ran away

I escaped on May 23, 2012.

While trying to leave that morning I was caught on the main roads and brought back. Later that day I was in a room and noticed one of the screws on the window was loose.

I found a pair of scissors and worked on him until he was completely relaxed. Finally the screw broke.

Someone from the house noticed me and tried to stop me, but I continued. I went out the window and ran.

This time I avoided the main roads. I drove through back roads and a creek until I reached the home of former FLDS members who opposed the church.

At the end of the day, they took me out of the city to a safe place.

Leaving was just the beginning

After leaving the FLDS, I stayed in shelters and tried to rebuild basic parts of my life. I changed my name and surname Social Security number. I opened my first bank account. I eventually got married again – this time of my own accord – and began to create a life of my own.

I saw the ocean for the first time on our honeymoon in Santa Monica, it was something I never thought I would experience. Then I saw the Statue of Liberty, which felt especially meaningful because it represented freedom, and I was finally free.

I eventually learned that I owned the rights to Jeff’s 45-room property in Short Creek. I applied for ownership in February 2016 and the house was given to me in the same year.

I started giving free tours to raise awareness and connect with people who could help turn it into something bigger. Through these connections, I partnered with a nonprofit called Dream Center, which agreed to take over operations and turn the property into a rescue center.

Today, it serves as a place where people, especially those from the FLDS and other polygamous groups, can find shelter, support, and resources as they rebuild their lives.

Warren Jeffs was sentenced to life in prison plus 20 years in prison for sexually assaulting two underage girls, unrelated to Briell Decker, in 2011. His defense, led by several lawyers, argued that his religious freedom had been violated.

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