MAGA bikini congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna patrols streets in a cop car, Angel goes flying & abandoned malls

The first Hunchback Day of the new month. Who is better off than us? Nobody! I’m actually coming to you live from inside our local Hyundai dealership where the First Lady’s car is getting an oil change.

It’s only got 3000 miles on it, so it should be in good shape!

“You actually have three recalls for this vehicle,” the poor young man at the desk said to me as I was checking in. “We can fix one today, we have to order parts for the other, and they still can’t find a fix for the third one.”

“Great, I’m glad we bought this car a few years ago!” I replied in a sarcastic tone that he obviously didn’t understand. “Just out of curiosity, what’s the third thing you haven’t fixed yet?”

Six seconds of complete silence.

““Well, it has something to do with the third row seats flying out during a rollover,” he said without looking at me for obvious reasons.

“Oh, good,” I said, giggling. “I’ll be sure to shout that to my kids when I’m flying through the air in ’95!”

At least it made him laugh.

Anyway, welcome to Hump Day Nightcaps, where Anna Paulina Luna cleans up the streets of Florida like a patriot.

What else? I’ve got Russian ex-con Brittney Griner tossing Angel Reese around like a rag doll, some thoughts on Monday night’s “Country Roads” moment in West Virginia, and does anyone here still live in a small town with an active mall?

Ours is falling apart as of today and it makes me sick. We had it all and we pissed them all off, didn’t we?

Sad.

Okay, grab you something from Auntie Anne’s cinnamon candy category and get ready for the Hump Day ‘Cap’!

Anna Paulina Luna doesn’t deal with bullshit in our great state

In the past, nothing could replace a shopping mall food court. It was the Wild Wild West. The world truly was our oyster. Remember those teriyaki chicken samples they handed out with toothpicks? The best.

Now look at my shopping mall…

Demolition continues at the Indian River Mall, starting with the former Macy’s store on June 3, 2026, in preparation for the redevelopment of the mall. (USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect)

That’s the old Macy’s over there. It just…gone. Puff. It’s like it never existed. Disgusting.

It looks like they’re currently tearing down half of the mall and completely overhauling it with a bunch of “hybrid” indoor/outdoor retail space, along with a Sprouts and a restaurant.

They are essentially turning it into a Tanger Outlet for those who live near Tanger Outlet. amazon-ation The state of this country makes me sick. We used to be a decent nation.

CHIEFS HIRESS GRACIE HUNT MAY HAVE BREAKED A BRIDESIDE RECORD BY FIGHTING AT DOVER PARK LOT & WINGS!

Anyway… is there anyone in the class today who still has a functioning mall in their town? Let me know! Better yet, send pictures! Bonus points for anyone who sends me photos of a Disney store, FYE, or arcade.

Now, let’s kick this lesson off with MAGA bikini convention member Anna Paulina Luna, who spent the week cleaning the streets in Pinellas County:

More nostalgia ’cause I’m feeling it today

Yes! Get them, Congressman! These “Teen Takeovers” are crazy. It’s a big TikTok thing, and that’s exactly what it sounds like. Just hundreds of young people are occupying public space and making it their own.

Frankly, Florida is the best place for this because we’re the best state in the country and people love coming here in the summer even though it’s 157 degrees every day.

I was in Anna Maria (next to Fort Myers) for vacation last week and I’m pretty sure something like this was brewing at the beach. The situation didn’t escalate, but my head was on a SPINNER the whole time. You never know where these things will go.

Exhibit A is from a place I would personally never go to…Chicago!

Do you understand? This is anarchy. Not here. Not in beautiful, free, law-abiding Florida. Not with Anna Paulina patrolling our streets.

Rep. Anna Paulina Luna, R-Fla., speaks with reporters outside the U.S. Capitol during the final votes of the week on Dec. 12, 2024. (Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call, Inc.)

What a state. I can’t believe we’re going to lose our governor in a few months. What a disaster.

Okay, let’s go back and continue the lesson!

Brittney grinding, take me home in 60 minutes!

Oh my god. Just look at this. Watch it again and think about the absolute outrage surrounding our 250th birthday, which is coming up in a few weeks.

Singers are actually leaving the “Great American State Fair” event because of Trump. Martina McBride said “no thanks” alongside Morris Day’s Young MC Bret Michaels. Unbelievable.

Hate Trump all you want. No problem. But come on. It’s America’s birthday! The big 250. And do we quit? Gross. Be more like Vanilla Ice!

I’m going to age myself here, but I now learn that Vanilla Ice’s real name is Robert Van Winkle. There were no clues. The more you know…

Okay, let’s quickly turn this Hump Day lesson into a big Hump Day Night. First? I know this happened a few days ago but I was off yesterday so this is news to me.

The scene in Morgantown Monday night was a reminder of what we used to have and how far we’ve drifted:

That’s what college athletics is all about. Not NIL. Not paychecks. Not contracts, marketing agreements or draft stock.

TED CRUZ, MARIA CANTWELL, NIL CHAOS, LAWSUITS, BILATERAL UNIVERSITY ANNOUNCES ATHLETICS DESIGN Amidst ‘Stripe KIFFIN RULE’

It’s moments like this that we fell in love with college sports. Sorrows. Walks. “Moments” Community first and foremost. We felt a connection with these players because we went to school.

We walked the same corridors with them. We went to bars, dining halls, and classrooms on the same campus.

So when they did something great on the field, we felt like we did something, too. You saw that last night after West Virginia left there.

Less NIL. Fewer transfer portals. More HE. Please, we beg you. Unlike my stupid mall, this is still possible. We still have a chance to right the ship.

And this is my TED Talk today!

Okay, two more on the way. First? “60 Minutes” is in the news today for reasons I don’t really care about. It’s above my pay grade and not for this grade.

But for this class it is this simple question:

Amine. This happens every week in my house and has been happening for years. For decades, really. As Jim Nantz would say, it’s a tradition like no other. “60 Minutes” for AFC fans and “Bob’s Burgers” for NFC fans. God, I miss football season.

98 days, boys and girls. Hold on tight. We’re almost there.

OK, that’s it for today. What a class. I think we did it. The glorious first Hunchback Day of June.

Here’s Joe Biden’s worst trade acquisition Brittney Griner tosses Angel Reese around like a rag doll to get us home.

See you tomorrow.

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OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column (roughly speaking, we are not robots) that will be published Monday through Friday at 4pm.

Are there still malls in your area? Email me Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.