I was made redundant at 57 despite a spotless career. I’ve applied for over 100 jobs since without any luck. This is the desperate step I was forced to take… there’s so many in my position

The grief counselor’s face fills with sympathy as she hands me a box of tissues. I express my sadness, anger and grief with my tears.

I’m thinking of my beloved mother, who died nearly two years ago at the age of 76.

But it wasn’t his death that brought me here. I’m here for a loss that affects me much more deeply: My job.

Since being made redundant from my high-flying job in IT in February last year, aged 57 – and having applied unsuccessfully for more than 100 jobs since then – my mental health has taken such a blow that the NHS referred me to therapy.

As I sat in the therapist’s office, I wondered how things had gotten to this point.

I grew up in a middle-class home in Bristol. My sister and I were encouraged to work hard and after leaving school I was keen to enter the business world as soon as possible, doing a BTEC in hotel catering and corporate management. This is where I realized my passion for computers.

I spent 30 years working in IT support, 28 of which were in management.

I met my husband when I was 34 and we have a daughter who is now 22. My husband was the creative director and we enjoyed an affluent lifestyle with holidays, two cars and a beautiful house in Cambridgeshire.

After leaving school he did a BTEC in hotel catering and corporate management and there he realized his passion for computers. Spent 30 years working in IT support

Everything changed when my marriage ended acrimoniously in 2016. My daughter and I moved to Yorkshire but the financial impact of the divorce was devastating and we ended up living in very bad places. I finally raised enough money to buy us a small two-bedroom terrace.

I was heartbroken when my mother died in 2023. But I was able to pay my mortgage with the money he left me; It was a decision that would prove the elegance of my economy.

Because in February 2025 I was made redundant from my role as IT Service Desk Manager, where I was earning an annual salary of £56,000. My employer never told me why; I have been informed that my services are no longer required.

Of course it hurt, but I didn’t feel too bad. I’ve never had trouble finding a job before; Would I find another job soon? But as the weeks and months went by, applications went unanswered and messages went unheeded, even though I was eminently qualified. I started to panic. Even without mortgage payments, I needed money to live.

In desperation, I got a minimum wage job at a dry cleaners.

It was physically demanding and I struggled. It was demoralizing to think that I had come from a highly skilled position that I had held for decades to this point.

At 57, I didn’t feel old enough to retire; Even if I wanted to, I didn’t have the financial means to afford it. I had trouble sleeping and was feeling depressed, but I continued to apply for at least five jobs a week in IT. I didn’t get anywhere.

I was in such a situation that I went to my doctor, who recommended grief counseling. I realized that yes, I had suffered a huge loss and was grieving for the person I was. I had NHS advice from June to August and it was helpful.

As weeks and months passed, applications went unanswered and messages were ignored, even though Rebecca was more than qualified (picture taken by model)

But it did not change the job market. I only did four interviews in nine months. I answered all their questions, knowing that I had the experience they needed.

Three of them didn’t even bother to tell me I didn’t get the job. Only one gave me feedback; I didn’t have enough ‘technical experience’. I knew it was an excuse; I had scored 100 percent in my last technical exam.

All the interviewees were young men. I felt like the combination of my age and gender was holding me back. That they didn’t want to ‘take risks’ with an older woman. This is extremely depressing.

My daughter was very worried about me. He told me to stop working at the dry cleaners to find a part-time job that would give me more flexibility when applying for other jobs.

So in December I took a part-time job at a supermarket. I now pack food orders four mornings a week, from 4 a.m. to 8 p.m. We are allowed to put on headphones before clients arrive so I can listen to podcasts. It’s quite calming in a way.

But with my income dropping from £3,000 a month take-home pay to just £900, my lifestyle has changed dramatically. I used to like to buy a case of wine a month, now I almost don’t drink. I stopped eating meat because it was too expensive, but I still treat myself to a small piece from the butcher every now and then.

I walk everywhere to save on using the car. It’s very old and I’m afraid it will break. I know I can’t afford to change him.

As for holidays, I saved enough money for a rental car to go to Cornwall and pick my daughter up from university. I have friends I can stay with for a few days.

I am now 58 and it is sobering that at a time when I thought I would be at my most financially secure, the exact opposite is true.

I know I’m much luckier than most people. I have small pensions from various jobs which will kick in when I turn 65, but I had to take early withdrawals to tide me over.

And I have my house. If I had lost my home, I honestly don’t think I could go on.

Even though I knew that my chances of re-entering the IT world were decreasing every week, I did not give up. However, when someone asks what I do I always tell them ‘I used to work in IT’ before mentioning the supermarket.

Many middle-aged women love their jobs and think their careers will take them into retirement. But I learned the hard way that this isn’t true; That the devastation, heartbreak, and yes, pain of being thrown into the scrapyard in your fifties is all too real.

As told to Kate Graham