A comedy prophecy finally comes true, and it turns out you’re not allowed to eat McNuggets on roller coasters

It’s finally Friday, so let’s end this week on a high note with another edition. nightcaps!

Isn’t it crazy how things drag on even though it’s a holiday week when most of us only have to work four days?

I’m not sure what happened, but Memorial Day feels like a month ago.

But hey, that’s what happens when you put your nose to the proverbial grindstone, and boy, did we experience any this week.

I feel like I’m working from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep, and that includes the last thing I do before going to sleep (unless you count listening to old radio shows through my Bluetooth sleep mask, in which case it was the second to last thing).

All week we’ve been talking about Bryce Harper’s weird toothpaste habit where he squirts toothpaste directly into his mouth instead of on the bristles.

A reader tried this on Thursday, so I figured I should do my job as a Big J Journalist.

Last night, while I was brushing my teeth in my sink and my wife in hers, I switched things up and squeezed a drop of Colgate Optic White directly into my mouth.

My wife looked at me like I was crazy.

“For work,” I said.

That’s one of the best things about this job, by the way. I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t lying either when I dug into a Cuban sandwich mimosa at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday or had to peruse Instagram models’ pages for gold.

Anyway, I was hoping for a life-changing epiphany that this was the way to make toothpaste, but I didn’t get there. I actually felt a little weird because I’d been brushing my teeth one way, twice a day for 30 years, so changing things up felt like trying to write your name with your left hand while using your right hand.

Maybe you can try the Harper method for yourself, but don’t expect to encounter a life-changing experience… frankly, it was a bit stupid of me to expect that.

The comedy prophecy came to fruition.

Abbot and Costello’s “Who’s on first?” There is no singular comedy more famous, repeated and parodied than the film. A little.

If you really think about it, it makes no sense. So we’re supposed to believe that there’s a guy named “I Don’t Know” in third place?

I understand, but it’s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that to many people at the time, this was the funniest thing ever created in human history up to that point.

Guess WHICH ‘HAPPY DAYS’ STAR DROPPED A NAKED SCENE (Sorry ladies; IT HAS NOT BEEN DONE TOO MUCH)

Although it may seem dated, it’s pretty good by vaudeville standards, and now, after all these years, the Who – or rather, the Hu – is finally in first place.

How great is this?

Blue Origin is selling below its ‘Anomaly’.

While I was chopping logs, dreaming of being a Viking or going to algebra class without pants, the people at Blue Origin, Jeff Bezos’ space company — *Voice of Andrew Dice Clay* He needs a lot of money!!!! – was preparing to launch a satellite payload into orbit from Cape Canaveral.

It didn’t go well.

Okay, an “anomaly”.

So what kind of anomaly were we talking about?

…Ah yes, this is a huge anomaly.

I’m not going to sit here and play rocket scientist, but you generally don’t want rockets to do that.

The result is not pretty, and unfortunately it could also have serious consequences for Blue Origin and NASA as we try to send astronauts to the moon once again.

This is bad, but not as bad as I expected. I didn’t think you could see live vegetation in that photo after the explosion. I thought anything you could fit into the frame would just be matchsticks.

Still a major annoyance and perhaps the “anomaly” of the century so far.

Your week was better than these people’s

I think it’s always good to look at things from a different perspective, and if you’ve had a rough week, at least be thankful you’re not stuck on a bumpy road.

Especially not at the vertical lift hill.

I’m becoming less of a roller coaster than I used to be and this isn’t helping me put an end to it.

My wife and I recently went on the new Muppet-style Rock ‘N’ Roller Coaster at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, and although I’ve been on that ride many times when it’s Aerosmith-themed, I jumped out of it feeling pretty dazed.

Same piece. Old Matt.

And a roller coaster close to this place. It’s some kind of bullshit that I can get stuck in the air like this And Is there motion sickness?

No, I think I’ll pass on this.

And they don’t even let you eat McNuggets anymore.

McNuggets and roller coasters don’t mix; who knew?

Speaking of roller coasters, we have a guy who got a lifetime ban from Six Flags – do you realize what you have to do to get banned from Six Flags – and it’s because he let other idiots on the internet tell him what to do.

A follower told her to eat McNuggets while on a roller coaster, and when a random person tells you to do something on social media, you have to do it.

Sorry, these are the rules. I don’t.

So Allen Ferrell stuffed some chicken wings into his pants and hopped on a roller coaster.

I think what got him banned was that he was splashing sweet and sour sauce on the people behind him, but I’m personally in favor of banning anyone who does something stupid somewhere in the name of social media clicks.

Oh, what is this? Need to go to the emergency room? You should have thought about this before you walked through the waiting room in your inflatable T-Rex costume.

Let’s end on a high note…

We’ve talked about explosions, roller coasters, and idiots eating McNuggets on roller coasters, so let’s finish it off with the kind of thing that will send you off to the weekend on a high note…

Dogs trying lemon!

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. GET THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!

This joins the pantheon of funny things dogs can do. Above is kicking obstacle course cones and playing poker in pictures.

…

CLICK TO DOWNLOAD FOX NEWS APPLICATION

That’s it for Friday nightcaps!

Have a great weekend!