Adrian Barich: how nearly falling up the stairs got me thinking about all the “boomer problems” we face

There are moments in life when inspiration comes like a bolt of lightning. And then there are those moments when you’re walking the dog and it comes because you’re practically staring at your face.

Guess which category this week falls into?

I was walking around the park trying to find something to write for this column. Nothing. My brain was emptier than the salad stations at Crown’s Epicurean.

Then, as if the universe had decided to intervene, I approached some steps leading up from the oval.

Now normally, like a sane man whose knees occasionally sound like microwaved popcorn, I take the bottom step. Low risk route. The “I’ve shown off enough in my life” route.

But not today. There is no sire. I remember thinking to myself in the past: “Why are you avoiding the big step, you wimp? You can do this.”

Today I looked at the higher step and thought: “I still have it.”

Historically, these are the four words most likely to end with someone in an ambulance.

Anyway, I went up. Or at least that was the plan. What actually happened was that my sand shoe, which was clearly defective and in no way related to my balance or age, slipped on the edge of the step and suddenly gravity took over.

Now here’s the surprising thing. The body remembers. Because at that moment, somewhere deep in my subconscious, my youthful judo training came into play. It’s like a sleeper agent that activates after 40 years.

Before I knew what was happening, I performed what I believe is called “ukemi”: the judo break. Kids these days probably call it a parkour tour. I knew my brown belt ranking would come in handy one day.

One moment I was hurtling headlong towards disaster, the next I was gracefully tumbling across the concrete like an aging Jason Bourne, then I sprang to my feet with the athleticism of a slightly chubby Nadia Comaneci.

Honestly, if there were scorecards I think I’d get at least one 10.

The important thing is that I avoided the face plant, which was super lucky. Considering I work in television, further damage could push me away from HD and into podcasting.

He was even luckier: no one saw him. At least I don’t think they did that.

Although I suspect this week the local football club committee may examine the CCTV footage and issue it as a workplace safety warning: “As a famous coach once said, please know your limits when entering the premises. And avoid anything Barra tries to do.”

In my defense, the concrete looked a little unstable. In short, it made me wonder if I should talk to an attorney about possible compensation for pain and suffering.

Calm down, I’m just kidding. Mostly because I know someone who was seriously injured by a dog in the park. An exuberant Labrador popped his knee sideways and ended up needing reconstructive surgery. Her lawyer encouraged her to sue the dog owner, but she did not do so.

Have you ever wondered why dog ​​owners stand around parks with wide-legged stances similar to sumo wrestlers while dogs chase each other? . . now you know We’re getting ready to crash. Traveling at full speed, Golden Retrievers are essentially furry missiles.

Anyway, my little tumble got me thinking. Falls are becoming a very “boomer” problem.

At 22, you fall off your skateboard and laugh. At age 52, you stumble as you step off the curb and immediately wonder if you need to update your will.

The other mistake, which I strongly advise you against, is to search on Google: “I had an unexpected fall. What could this mean?”

In a matter of minutes, the internet will convince you that you have a neurological disorder, a vitamin deficiency, an early-onset disease, and about six months to live.

But there’s probably a lesson in all of this. Maybe we need more balance work as we get older. tai chi Yoga. Pilates. All good ways to keep the old man out, you’ve heard me say this phrase many times before.

One day you will be fearless. In the next stage, you carefully lower yourself into a comfortable chair while making involuntary sound effects.

I realized that boomer problems often stem from the strange collision between the world we grew up in and the world we live in now. We are the generation forever stuck between analog and digital.

We have paper notebooks, but we also have apps that remind us of appointments we’ve somehow managed to forget.

We tell our children, “Call me now!!!” We are sending alarming messages. Only in case of emergency will they be asked a question about whether they like coriander.

We treat Alexa like an untrustworthy guest. We keep empty iPhone cases just in case. We actually hoard most things; but you never know when you’ll need them. It’s a true statistical fact that in most cases, the day after cleaning the garage, you’ll need something you throw away.

And even with all the modern technology, most of us still prefer a neat wristwatch, handwritten shopping lists, and signature “From Dad” messages.

Navigating with Google Maps is also a lot of fun. Here’s what I’m trying to give my kids directions: “When you pass where PMH used to be, turn right, then near where Subiaco Markets was before 2015.”

This perhaps explains why we sometimes fall. We are still trying to maintain our balance in a world that moves faster than us.

But the good news is, as a miraculous judo throw confirmed, I can officially confirm: I still have it. In a way.