Elizabeth Hurley trades in bikinis for denim as her Tennessee farming career takes off, vintage Andre & MEAT

Let’s launch this Tuesday edition of Screencaps with news from a legend who has graced this column hundreds of times over the last 15 years. I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t think there was any way Elizabeth Hurley would spend the winter with Billy Ray Cyrus, but here we are with the 60-year-old Hurley revealing that she’s currently farming in Tennessee. Friends, this could be the end of an era. This could be Hurley announcing that she’s done with the bikini game without officially announcing it.

It might be like the old days when ball players transitioned into player-coach. This could be Hurley telling us that his career, which has spanned five decades, is over. Instead of new two-piece bikini content, we increasingly saw Liz holding goats, turtles, and wearing denim.

Elizabeth Hurley is enjoying the beach. (Elizabeth Hurley/Instagram)

What’s the problem with Hurley’s move towards farming content? Nothing. There are few models in pop culture that can replace him. Heidi Klum and Sofia Vergara come to mind instead. Other than those two, there are poor choices. Google Gemini says Gwyneth Paltrow is a possible replacement.

This is why you should use AI as a resource, not a resource. Paltrow? Have you ever wanted to see her two-piece bikini model? So am I.

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How I turned into a Big J journalist on Monday and ended up on the phone with a straight Mississippi sheriff

We had two major incidents over the weekend where youth baseball coaches fought with umpires, but none were bigger than the incident in Mississippi where a coach and umpire exchanged blows. It turned out that the coach caught in the middle of the fight was a deputy sheriff.

Being an OutKick/Fox Big J, I got on the phone and called the Oktibbeha County Sheriff’s Office for comment. The deputy who answered the phone told me that leadership was at lunch and they would call me back. Usually this is code for them not calling back.

At 2:54 PM ET I received a call from Starkville. I thought the caller was a public information officer. The man on the other line tells me his name: Shank Phelps. Damn, it’s the real sheriff calling me.

Then, while we were talking, Sheriff Shank announced that the deputy in question had been fired. Shank fired the man before the department could investigate further. I undermined it. No more internal investigation. Gone.

Shank Phelps impressed me a lot in this movie. The man didn’t force me to beat me in the bushes. He set to work. I respect this big time.

Guess who was the first to report that the baseball coach had been fired? Yes, me. Thank you Shank.

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I’ve been through this with e-bike and scooter gangs

Remember last summer when readers shared stories of e-bike gangs destroying golf courses and wreaking havoc on neighborhoods? Here we go again. This time, the team destroyed a golf course in Florida, causing $3,000 in damage.

In California, we’ve even reached the stage where we now have e-bike police chases. NBC San Diego reported last week Cops engaged in a 50 mph chase with a 19-year-old boy who refused to stop his electric dirt bike.

What do you get for $300 a night in Washington along the Pacific Ocean?

– Mike T. reports from his trip along the Washington coast: Next stop Washington coast Copalis Beach Iron Springs Resort. Expensive $300, really remote and like a grown-up hideout.

Mike T. shows us the view from the balcony of his rental home at Iron Springs Resort. (Narrator Mike T. in Idaho)

The interior of Mike T. and Cindy T.’s rental home at Iron Springs Resort in Washington. (Screencap reader is Mike T in Idaho.)

Screencaps mailbag: What’s on readers’ minds

– says the congressman from Staunton, Virginia: Joe, I haven’t written in a while and I’m trying to get used to the new format. However, reading about the North Dakota man riding a lawnmower into a bar reminded me of a story involving classic country music star George Jones. George had a legendary drinking problem, and his then-wife (country star Tammy Wynette) forbade him from leaving the house and going to the bar. But Ol’ Possum got into his John Deere lawnmower and drove over to the bar to grab a few. There is a reference to this in Vince Gill’s song “One More Last Chance”. All I can say is keep going!

– Mike in Houston tells me: My favorites are over 50 years old. The Lone Ranger, WilliamnTell Overture, The Andy Mayberry Show, Whistling, Combat!, Combat March

Kinsey: Because YOU ARE OLD, Mike!

– Scott in Florida: Me I totally agree with Don. Shorts and jeans should be worn at least twice before washing. As long as you don’t spill anything on them, of course. 1/4 zippers can be worn multiple times before washing. I think shirts should be washed after every wear. Keep up the great work Joe.

A report from Arizona’s Green Beret Bo, one of Screencaps’ Great Americans

– Bo T. has been with us for a long time and has helped many parents who sent their children to West Point. Bo writes: Joe Greetings from the Valley of the Sun! Spring is starting to give way to the 90s and pool season is in full swing. Your advice to young home buyers about “patio living” is spot on. We’ve spent the last 9 months fixing up the backyard. A labor of love, I guess. Today we had pool operations and Yacht Rock. Now some Whiskey Myers accompanied by a Tri-Tip grill and chilled Kirtlands music.

Head to NC tomorrow for a few days of golf with old Green Beret friends.. good times guaranteed. There may be a whiskey front blowing towards us.

This is EXACTLY the reason I’ve been working my ass off all these years. Life is short and if you don’t grab him by the balls, you’ll regret not doing it when it’s time to kick back and move on to what you want. Make the effort…it is always worth it.

God bless America and those mullahs. These savages can kiss my ass.

Legendary Screencaps reader Bo T. shows off the patio he created in Arizona. (Narrator Bo T. in Arizona.)

Bo T.’s message to Millennials is to spend some money to create an inviting patio area. (Screencap reader Bo T.)

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That’s it for this morning. I want you to know that we didn’t get home from the track meet until 9:30 last night. Thank God there aren’t too many races, otherwise I’d lose my mind. I’ll give an award to Screencaps Jr. for riding 3:41 miles with a bad cold at home.

The birds are outside. For now the sun is out. Showers are on the way and the grass is as green as I’ve ever seen it. Go enjoy those Cinco de Mayo margins. Suck one for me. I’m taking time off this year.

Have a wonderful day and never forget how lucky we are to call these lands home.

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