England’s collapse in Perth against Australia was as bad as we’ve ever seen

Frankly, it was surprising that the traveling fans weren’t in a rebellious mood. Many spent their pensions and life savings to make the journey; All of which saw England capitulate to a superb overnight position and get blown out in the first two-day Ashes Test in 104 years.

If you were nice you would call this a systemic failure from a batting perspective. He does not seem to adhere to any system other than England. Why was Root, normally so cultured and calm, trying to shield Starc?

How did England, leading by 105 with nine wickets in hand, self-destruct so horribly when they had just one of Australia’s leading bowlers? Starc, who had 10 wickets in the match, was lethal to England’s misfortune.

And it was Travis Head who made his Test century off just 69 balls, achieving a scoring rate that no Bazballer has achieved yet. The humiliation was so great that you fear a potential setback could come as Pat Cummins awaits release in Brisbane.

England’s general breakdown turned a potential victory into a terrible humiliation with a score of just 46.4 overs. Nowhere were the problems more vividly demonstrated than with the bat, where they once again failed to reach 200 on an increasingly calm pitch.

While the logic was that Crawley, despite his instability, should be a natural fit for the Ashes, his wife suggested such belief was misplaced. A man who played 59 Tests has now been out for single figures in 41 per cent of his innings. At the top of the line, he became a liability whose almost blasé demeanor set the tone for the horror catalog that followed.

You can admire Ben Duckett’s relentless drive to keep the scoreboard going, but what good is it when he can’t even make a half-century?

As for Ollie Pope, what is he doing to justify his place at No. 3 when he has shown no benefit after playing twice himself? For a moment it seemed as if Gus Atkinson’s spirited cameo that extended England’s lead to over 200 might have offered reprieve, but it was all unnecessary embroidery on top of a fiasco.

The hope was that the bowlers would save them again. But as always, it is hope that kills the rapid pace of Jofra Archer and Mark Wood, with the swaggering Travis Head savaging England’s attack.

When he was finally caught in the deep on 123, he twirled his bat in the air several times; this could be interpreted as either a nod to the home fans or a mockery of England.

Frankly, England deserved nothing but ridicule for this performance. It was not just a capitulation, it was an affront to both the foundations of Test cricket and the fans who spent fortunes expecting at least a semblance of war.

Unfortunately, the concept of “failing to prepare, preparing to fail” is foreign to the Bazball ethos. England’s confidence in their methods under Stokes and head coach Brendon McCullum is so absolute that any dissent is considered heresy.

They deserve all the insults thrown at them this time. Against an aging Australia, without both Cummins and Josh Hazlewood, they felt a solitary three-day warm-up match against the England Lions at Lilac Hill would be sufficient preparation.

What kind of warm-up was this for a series that would be judged on the success of its philosophical resets? As usual, they belittled these questions. They continue their careless attitude no matter the circumstances. This is how we play, they shrug their shoulders. It’s also how they create the ultimate Ashes nightmare.

‘England deserved nothing less than to be ridiculed for this performance.’

Wicket-by-wicket: England’s collapse

England squandered a potential position of dominance when they lost four wickets in 19 balls, amid a six-wicket haul from 1-65 to 5-88 for one. They lost the first Test a few hours later.

Duckett – c. Smith, b. boland

Over 16.2 (UK 2-65). It was a slight surprise that Australia did not turn to Mitchell Starc immediately after lunch, with England leading by 99 runs and losing wickets in just one second innings. Lyon were out of bounds and Cameron Green took the first innings. Boland continued at the other end and his first ball to Duckett was beautiful and the ball was instantly struck low by the sure hands of Steve Smith.

Pope – c. Carey, b. boland

over 18.3 (UK 3-76). In Boland’s next over, he offered Pope a complete temptress outside off stump. He couldn’t resist a huge thrust from Alex Carey.

Brook – c. Khawaja, b. boland

over 18.6 (UK 4-76). Harry Brook, who respectfully defended his first two balls before running out of patience, was out. The third, the last, moved towards the first slide.

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This was an ugly dismissal made worse by how good Brook looked on the first day. Brook replaced Pope as vice-captain and this was a time for some open-minded leadership. Brook could not provide this.

Root – b. starc

Over 19.2 (England 5-76). Remarkably the worst was still to come. Root, the designated driver of the bazball operation, is drawn into the madness. While Root and Ben Stokes are on the field, Starc has been brought back, having taken eight wickets in the match so far. His second ball was very tempting and Root, who had been comfortable up until that point, tried to tack the ball through cover. An inside edge hit the stumps.

Stokes – c. Smith, b. starc

Over 24.2 (England 6-88). Australia knew they were just one wicket away from the tail end. Stokes and Smith were batting accordingly, without taking risks. They batted five times in an over before Starc’s beauty sent the skipper away. This back ball away from the left-hander took the upper hand and Smith did the rest at second slip. Starc had bowled Crawley, Root and Stokes twice in two days for a total of 16 runs. England’s position of comfort had been surrendered.

Telegraph, London