‘Fun dads’ get 5 things right about parenting that many people forget, says expert
Even if you never plan to wrestle a toddler before bed, we could all use some fun dad energy. There’s a reason this stereotype exists: Dads spend too much time playing they are with their children and they enjoy it. Actually dads report They feel happier interacting with their children than most other daily activities.
Of course, dads might have more room for play, in part because Mothers carry more of the mental burden of parenthood. On average, mothers report They are responsible for approximately 73% of all cognitive household labor, compared to 27% of their spouses. make them stressed.
As we try to rebalance the less fun parts of parenting and household management, we shouldn’t lose sight of what fun dads do right: Game is important. And this good for adultsmore.
This Father’s Day, here are five fun dad habits worth borrowing.
1. They don’t think much about fun
Fun becomes difficult when we put too much pressure on it. Not every game needs to be epic. Fun dads notice the distance in small moments of play, such as introducing their children to the game. old LEGOs or act like a monster With your toddler while getting ready in the morning.
Adults often think that our free time should be productive. What’s the point of a hobby if we’re not going to develop a marketable skill or turn it into a side hustle? We make having fun feel like work before we even get started.
Moreover, passive entertainment demands almost nothing from us. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need when we’re tired.
2. They start with action, not emotion
Adults often wait to play games before starting to play. But this makes the order incorrect. Most of us fail to get into a fun mood.
Fun dads often skip the emotional pregame. They just start with a funny bit or turn a chore into a challenge and see what happens next. Emotions can arise in unexpected ways.
When does he write derek thompson When she thought about playing the beast with her toddler, she said: “Nothing in my life could have predicted this predator-prey spectacle or the joy I got from it.”
3. They leave room for interruptions
Modern adults are already quite intrusive, but often in the wrong direction. We’re quick to let our phones steal our attention, but we get angry when real people do the same.
However, if we do not want to be disturbed by the people in front of us, we miss their attempts to connect with us. relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman They called these “link offers” and found this: couples staying together They were much more likely to pursue these proposals than couples who eventually divorced.
Being seamless means loosening our grip on our tasks and plans so that there is enough space for real people to come in.
4. They exit admin mode
Admin mode has its place. It helps feed the kids, pay the bills, and keep the family on schedule. However, the game is more like improvisation. You need to be curious and adaptive because you can’t plan everything in advance. You have to pay attention to what emerges and build from there.
This can be uncomfortable at times because it requires us to give up some of our control. Fun dads can get caught up in whatever game, prank, or adventure their kids invite them on, and they’re willing to look silly and make some mistakes while doing so.
5. They see joy as part of the issue
We often see play as a break from life. In a way it is. Play helps us escape the demands of work and care: Reduce stress and increase endurance.
But joy and human connection are critical components of a life. developing life. They give us something we cannot get by working harder. as a novelist Michael Chabon bay,”[My] “Unlike my children, books don’t like me.”
This doesn’t mean fun dads will escape the hard parts of parenting. They also need to take part in unpleasant things. Fun dads, at best, don’t shy away from serious parenting. they are having fun Because They take it seriously.
They understand something that most overworked adults forget: A good life involves work and responsibility. There are also living room wrestling matches, silly stories, and ordinary moments to show the people we love that we enjoy them.
Jen ZamzowPhD, is an assistant professor of health ethics at Concordia University Irvine, an author, and a mother of two sons. you can find subscriber to his newsletterA Life Well LivedFunding for this project was provided in part by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center as part of the “Spreading Love Through Media” initiative supported by the John Templeton Foundation.
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