Harry and Meghan: Behind the royal velvet rope. JAN MOIR decodes every hidden message and missing guest in trove of unseen wedding images

What should the world’s most special celebrity couple do to celebrate their eighth wedding anniversary? Hide under a rock, silently toasting each other with fine champagne while snuggled under a blanket—or at least under the media blackout of the blanket?

Maybe they can sunbathe at Out Of Reach Beach, hike the Solitude Mountains, hike the Quality Time Alone Trail?

Or – here’s a bold idea – why not go wild and post dozens of never-before-seen photos of your incredibly special 2018 wedding for the admiration of millions of curious parkers like me?

Yes you are right. The same wedding where the bride and groom strictly enforced a “no cameras” policy, where guests were required to surrender their phones and cameras in order to enjoy the complete privacy that Meghan and Harry have demanded and imposed on everyone but themselves since day one.

Because we all know that privacy is an extremely valuable area when it comes to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, and that they often choose to invade it for their own benefit.

They do it when the situation is right, when things are difficult, when there is a business advantage in sneakily reminding everyone how special and noble they are.

And as we now learn, what better example could there be than the £32 million Windsor Castle wedding, watched by hundreds of millions of viewers worldwide, where Elton John entertained 600 guests by playing the piano while wearing a carpet tile? Eight years is known as the bronze wedding anniversary, but how I wish it were brass to honor the metallurgical composition of Meghan’s neck.

The Duchess decided to celebrate this happy occasion by boldly posting dozens of photos of the pre- and post-wedding scenes on her Instagram account.

The Duchess decided to celebrate the anniversary by publishing two albums of before and after wedding photos on her Instagram account.

This seemed like a remarkable development for a woman who desperately retreated into the shadows unless she had a scented candle or a spaghetti recipe to sell, but what can I say other than I’m here for her?

What joy! Never in the history of solemn Windsordom has there been such an intimate look behind the velvet rope of a major royal event. Princess Anne grilling sausages at Balmoral or Queen Elizabeth having tea with Paddington Bear have nothing to do with a grumpy-looking Prince Harry and a swooning Meghan kissing like a pair of randy squid at the Frogmore House evening reception.

Elsewhere there is footage of the couple enjoying some privacy around St George’s Chapel immediately following the ceremony; There’s footage of the private afternoon wedding reception, where Meghan gives her new husband that special Tweety Pie, floating look she learned in her first year of the star acting course at Big Ham College in Hollywood.

As well as candid shots of the stunning duo sharing their first dance as a married couple, there’s also more recent footage of Harry presenting Meghan with an anniversary cake and Meghan giving Harry two penguin statues to symbolize their love.

Maybe not because they literally display a few penguin traits — flightless, thick, crying, take your pick — but because they apparently once dressed as penguins for a fancy dress party.

Why did Meghan do all this? Do the wedding photos reflect the excitement of the day or a predator at play?

Maybe it’s because the Sussexes have only themselves to sell.

The good-hearted among us might conclude that Meghan wanted to share the joy of a happy couple clearly having one of the best days of their lives.

The good-hearted among us might conclude that Meghan wanted to share the joy of a happy couple clearly having one of the best days of their lives.

Harry and Meghan once wore penguin onesies for a fancy dress party

More cynical people might see the publication of these photographs, which will be republished by newspapers around the world, as yet another shrewd marketing strike designed to remind prospective commercial partners, publishing companies and jam jar manufacturers of the vein of pure, old British gold that flows deep within the Sussex mine; they are noble and never forget that.

Some images are truly happy and wonderful, because at that time we were all in the land of magic and had no idea what lay ahead. MegWorld was new at the time and Harry looked happy. We didn’t know about the bridesmaids’ tights fights, the Late Night Dog Bowl Incident, or the temper tantrums when Kate didn’t want to give Meghan her lip gloss.

Little did we know that in less than two years the Sussexes would be gone, in four years Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip would be gone in a different way, and a royal rift would open that may never heal.

Every picture tells a story, but they tell most by what they leave out rather than what they include. Because there is no father of the bride here, no place to commemorate the tragic, one-legged Thomas Markle. There’s no best man Prince William, no bridesmaids, and just a reluctant rear view of then-Prince Charles.

If this confusing, uncharacteristic, completely invasive dump of images is meant to underline Harry and Meghan’s beautiful partnership, it only does so by highlighting the emptiness at the heart of their lives. The lack of family harmony and unity is made wordlessly clear; but maybe that was the whole point.

It’s all about Harry and Meghan, their wedding and marriage, the self-realization of their dreams and destinies in a world where neither pollination nor scores are ever settled. In this strange scene, these leading figures say they despise the limelight but seek refuge in its beneficial glow when the time comes.

So, as they say to each other, Happy Birthday to the One and Only.