How Melbourne’s CBD into a ghost town and invoked the memory of the 1983 America’s Cup
Jacinta Allan could leave a note thanking the Socceroos and FIFA for their fantastic practical support of her signature election year policy.
Working from home on Friday was a huge success.
Office towers in the CBD stood so eerily empty that an enterprising hustler could sell floors of empty workspace to unsuspecting investors with almost no questions asked.
Cafe owners seemed less enthusiastic.
Coffee machines sat idle, banana breads wilting as office workers took the opportunity to get some rest.
A neutron bomb could not have done a better job of creating a ghost town.
It seemed like the whole city was on holiday.
It was, of course, the timing of Australia’s match against Paraguay that made the neutron bomb fake. Kick-off is at noon, adding 90 minutes plus forward holding time.
Of course, it would be a gross exaggeration to say that there is no one in the city.
Apparently there were thousands of people, all in the turbulent Federation Square and in bars sensible enough to raise large screens over overworked taps.
Smoke from illegal flares wafted over the packed crowd in Fed Square, and empty plastic water bottles were ceremonially thrown into the sky before the Socceroos and La Albirroja took to the field further away at the San Francisco Bay Area Stadium.
Justin McManus
The square was packed so early that angry officials used megaphones to loudly order late arrivals, that is, those who arrived at a notable hour after dawn, to leave and squeeze into the crowd at AAMI Park.
It was the last day before winter school break. Without big television screens and tolerant teachers, institutions unsurprisingly suffered from a shortage of participants.
If high school principals wanted to discredit themselves in a spectacular way, they could catch scores of truants in Fed Square.
Music boomed as the crowd waited for kick-off. Among the tunes in rotation was the old standard used by Australia to compete in major international sporting events. Down Underby Men at Work.
Those of a certain age—that is, there is barely anyone in the square—might remember the first time the song made its debut at a major sporting event, the 1983 America’s Cup yacht race in Newport, Rhode Island.
Down Under It became the running theme for Australia’s entry, Australia II, funded with funny money by West Australian hustler Alan Bond.
Australia II and her winged keel stunned her home country when she took the America’s Cup from the Americans for the first time in the event’s 132-year history, whether many Australians knew the bowsprit from the mainsail or not.
Sports fanatic prime minister Bob Hawke entered a sort of delirium as he watched the event on a screen at the Royal Perth Yacht Club.
“Any boss who fires a worker for not turning up for work today is a bum,” Hawke said with a chuckle as champagne corks flew on live TV.
You can be sure that the ghost of Hawkie’s emotions is haunting Australia’s empty urban canyons on Friday.
Australian politicians are, of course, skilled at tying their fortunes to major national sports teams.
Pauline Hanson let it slip this week that multicultural Socceroos in particular were her vision. “Monocultural Australia”.
This seemed to be a sharper turn than Nestory Irankunda’s move from defense to attack.
This was even less convincing than Paul Keating’s embarrassing attempt to impress league fans years ago by saying Balmain Tigers prop forward Steve “Blocker” Roach had “scored a lot of tries”.
95 minutes passed in the Socceroos-Paraguay match and if you were looking for a score, nothing happened.
But the draw led to a triumphant embrace, tearful chants and yet another flare-up in Fed Square.
The national team had managed to compete for one more day in the world’s largest round ball arena, and that was enough.
It was enough to ensure that almost no one was ready to return to the office for the rest of the day.
As it is known among those in the know, working from home was the biggest winner of the day. And as always, bars.
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Tony Wright is associate editor and feature writer for The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald.Connect via email.
