How to cope with loneliness in your first year of university

Robert Medhurst spent most of his freshman week looking at social media, reading posts about other students’ fun nights out.

“I was just in bed,” Robert recalls, describing the week as the loneliest time of his life.

Robert’s roommates didn’t go out much and his classes weren’t very social.

Although he put himself forward by going to taster sessions of various communities, he could not find his people.

“I started to lose my confidence,” he says. “I felt like people didn’t want to be friends with me or didn’t like me.”

Initially, Robert had no intention of going to university, and after sixth form he received a job offer. But then he saw his friends’ experiences as students on Instagram and Snapchat.

“When you have to get up for work at 9:00 on a Thursday and you see someone is out on a Wednesday night, you start to think the grass is greener,” says Robert.

Fed up with FOMO and wanting to keep his career options open, Robert decided to apply to Nottingham Trent to study business. He chose the university because of its reputation in student life: “I did a lot of research to make sure I felt confident in my choice.”

But within a few days, Robert began to think about leaving school.

“Social media makes things worse,” she says of the first months of her first year, explaining that other people’s posts about student life can make you feel like “everyone’s getting along but I’m not.”

In a TikTok video, Robert shared that he felt lonely during freshman week. The comments section was filled with other students sharing similar experiences.

TV shows and social media can glorify the idea of ​​student life. Many people come to college with high expectations for what they think could be the best years of their lives: living with friends, going out at night, studying a subject they love, and taking up a new sport or hobby.

But for some, the experience is not what they expected.

Lauren Howard, who runs counseling services at the University of Bradford, says some students come to university with “rose-coloured glasses”.

A survey of new students during their first week at Swansea University found students’ biggest concern was fitting in and feeling included, says Joanne Parfitt, the university’s deputy director of transitions and progression.

In a survey by market research agency Cibyl, 17% of students said they had no friends at university, and 37% said they worried daily or weekly about making friends.

“[New students] I find it quite scary because when you leave school or sixth form, you have friendship groups you have to leave, says Ms Parfitt. “For some it’s an opportunity to start over and create a new identity. But for most people, it’s really daunting.”

Alisha Miah’s TikTok feed was full of videos of girls having fun while living together in student housing, having movie nights and picnics, and going on trips together.

But when Alisha moved from London to Sheffield in September 2024 to study journalism, she found the first-year students’ week “overwhelming” due to the amount of alcohol involved.

Alisha doesn’t drink and has never been to a nightclub before.

“I spent many freshman weeks in my room,” he says. “I felt a little alienated.”

This continued during Alisha’s first few months at university. “I felt anxious socializing,” she says. “I also feel like I don’t put myself out there enough.”

Like Robert, Alisha considered dropping out of school or changing courses, but decided not to because she felt she came to university to study, not to make friends.

In a 2025 survey of more than 10,000 undergraduate students by the Higher Education Policy Institute (HEPI) and charity Advance HE, 29% of students said they were considering leaving school.

The most common reason was their mental and emotional health, followed by financial concerns.

Ms Howard, of the University of Bradford, says “it’s hard to imagine a tougher time” as new students try to make friends, live away from family and possibly create a budget for the first time.

“Anxiety about all these different things is pretty common and normal.”

Although Christina Aaliyah Davis enjoyed studying medicine at Newcastle University, she says it wasn’t the “friendship utopia” her parents told her it was.

“There was almost a pressure to see the university as a magical, friendly place where everyone sang and danced together,” says the 24-year-old doctor.

When she was in sixth grade, she dreamed of having dinner with her college roommates and hosting Halloween parties. However, Christina wasn’t very close with her freshman year roommates and sometimes felt lonely.

“I felt like I was missing out a little bit,” he says.

Over time, Robert, Alisha and Christina rose up and developed friendships.

Alisha made friends through her course and TikTok, while Christina felt happier when she was able to move in with her friends after her first year.

For Robert, now 24 and in his final year, joining his university’s drama society and getting a part-time job in a pub helped him make friends. She also enjoyed helping new students get settled by volunteering during freshman week during her sophomore and junior years.

Robert’s advice to freshmen who are having a hard time socializing is to “get out of your room” and go to clubs and society taster events until you find one you like. And even if it feels a little strange at first, he recommends you keep coming.

“After a few weeks of showing up consistently, people recognize your face, you recognize their face, and you start making friends,” says Robert.