How to tell if your dating standards are too high—or too low: Harvard-trained psychologist

When it comes to what single Americans look for in a partner, the list of desirable traits varies.

Forty-five percent of people are hesitant but open-minded about dating someone who was recently laid off, for example. latest survey From 1,010 U.S. adults by matchmaking company Tawkify.

Someone 10 years older is a deal breaker for 38 percent of U.S. adults Pew Research Centerand 23% say someone from a different religion also follows that religion.

These days, “especially on dating apps, we’re more ready to exclude someone than to exclude them,” says the New York-based psychologist Sabrina RomanoffHe added that red flags could be as simple as “their hair was too long or they had a coat that we didn’t really like.”

Sometimes people look for what’s “impressive on paper” rather than looking for signs of traits that can sustain compatibility and happiness, he says.

However, these criteria do not always work for you. Here’s how to make sure your standards aren’t too high or too low when searching for the person you’re looking for, according to Romanoff.

With so many people in your personal life and loud voices on the internet having an opinion on what’s important, it can be easy to prioritize some features over others.

To start, look at your list of must-haves and ask yourself: “Whose standards are you really holding yourself to?” says Romanoff. “Your parents? Your friends? Is it really yours?” Then ask yourself what your purpose in dating really is.

If you want a healthy, long-term relationship, keep the following questions in mind when dating potential partners, Romanoff says:

• Are they emotionally available?
• Will they be able to take responsibility?
• Are they curious?
• Are they kind?

These Those are the kinds of traits that can lead to success, he says. Conversely, look out for red flags like someone who is inconsistent, someone who puts the blame on their past partners, and someone who makes big promises on your first few dates.

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