Millie Mackintosh breaks down in tears as she recalls being sexually assaulted as a schoolgirl while ‘blackout drunk’

Millie Mackintosh broke down in tears on Tuesday as she recalled being sexually assaulted ‘in a drunken stupor’ as a schoolgirl.

The former Made In Chelsea star, 36, said she felt ‘so much shame’ after she was ‘abused’ while drunk at a party when she was 14.

Millie, who went to boarding school in Dorset from the age of 10, admitted that she was ‘saddened by the girl she was and the way she was treated’ and received regression therapy to overcome the trauma.

speaking on Ascension with Roxie He said on the podcast: ‘It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I realized it wasn’t my fault. There was a lot of anger there.

‘Holding on to shame is really toxic but I feel sorry for the girl I was, for the way I was treated, but letting go of the shame allowed me to stop drinking and break out of that cycle.’

‘I did some regression work which I found really useful; it’s like your inner child working during deep relaxation; ‘You go in and go back to memories.’

The former Made In Chelsea star, 36, said she ‘carries a lot of shame’ because she was ‘abused’ while drunk at a party when she was 14.

Regression in therapy involves revisiting past experiences to resolve current problems, accessing subconscious memories of the trauma using techniques such as hypnosis or guided imagery, and offering deep relief by processing them in a safe space.

Breaking into tears, he recalled: ‘I went back to where the house was for me. [the sexual assault] It happened and I carried my teenager out of the room, grabbed her and told her it wasn’t her fault.’

Millie said she ‘buried’ what happened to her because she felt ‘ashamed’ of being drunk, but she carried that shame with her for years later.

He added: ‘I didn’t talk to my parents that night, I was taken drunk and it was never talked about because I was so embarrassed, they thought I was drunk, they didn’t question me about what happened because they knew I was embarrassed and I never told them.

‘So I buried it, but I held on to this really heavy shame for years.’

Millie went on to bravely recall how she began using sexual assault and binge drinking as an ‘escape and mask of pain’.

‘The first time I went out of control and blacked out I was 14 and sexually assaulted at a party,’ she said.

‘For years I didn’t realize I was being attacked, I thought what happened to me was my fault because I was drunk. I was carrying so much shame.

Millie, who went to boarding school in Dorset from the age of 10, admitted she felt “sad for the girl she had become” and had undergone regression therapy to get over the trauma

He recalled: ‘I went back to where the house was for me. [the sexual assault] happened and I carried my teenage self out of the room, grabbed her and told her it wasn’t her fault.’

Millie said she ‘buried’ what happened to her because she felt ‘ashamed’ of being drunk, but years later she moved on with Shane.

‘I went back to boarding school the next day feeling shame and humiliation and didn’t talk about it and buried it. I thought it was my fault.

‘This led to further feelings of insecurity and disliking myself, wanting to escape and drinking became a way of masking this pain.’

‘Unfortunately this is quite common for young people who have experienced some form of traumatic event; You repeat this behavior over and over again. So getting drunk, being vulnerable, getting into dangerous situations and putting myself in unsafe situations and taking advantage of that.’

Millie explained that she thought being black out drunk was ‘normal’ and that this had become her new ‘behaviour’ and personality among her schoolmates.

She reflected: ‘Looking back I can see how this affected the rest of my teenage years, I was desperate to find love, validation and a boyfriend but I would go out partying and cause trouble and attract the wrong men.

‘The pattern that happened so quickly was binge drinking and by the time I was 16 I would drink a small bottle of vodka before going to the party and top it off at the party because I was already drunk.

‘I thought it was normal to be drunk and not remember the end of the night.

‘I was the butt of all the jokes because I was the one who went too far or did something crazy, but I was getting attention because people were shouting ‘Millie has a story to tell’. It was like a show and I thought people were expecting it from me.

‘I had to really look at why I didn’t love myself. When I stopped drinking, I had to really work on myself and find out who I was without alcohol, but also find out why I was binge drinking and what I was avoiding.’

“Holding on to shame is really toxic, but I feel bad for the girl I was, the way I was treated, but letting go of the shame allowed me to stop drinking and get out of that cycle,” she said

Millie bravely recalled how she began using sexual assault and binge drinking as an “escape and mask of pain”.

On Monday it was revealed that Millie and her husband Hugo Taylor had split after seven years of marriage.

The couple, who met in adolescence, first appeared on E4’s Made In Chelsea program and have been married since June 2018, separated after ‘deciding it would be better to separate after serious conversations’.

Sources close to the couple say they are committed to co-parenting their young children, five-year-old Sienna and four-year-old Aurelia, who remain their priorities.

A source said: ‘Millie and Hugo are currently going through a breakup and have sadly decided to split. They have known each other for many years and in recent weeks had serious conversations about their future and eventually decided it would be better for them both to part ways.

‘Their main priorities are their children and family life and separation is not something they ever expected to do…’

‘They are currently considering what living apart might look like and how they plan to go about co-parenting their young children. ‘It’s been an incredibly difficult start to the year and they hope to continue to manage this privately.’

Millie traveled to India last week to attend a wellness retreat designed to ‘heal’ the nervous system while Hugo was on a ski holiday.

The reality star, who was photographed without her wedding ring, shared several posts during her stay that signaled a new chapter in her life.

He posted a quote on Sunday that read: ‘You don’t always have to know what’s going to happen next on your journey.

‘Sometimes you just have to be where you are and know that it’s okay to be there. There is so much beauty in accepting yourself right here, in this moment.

‘No matter what you’re working towards, I hope you can always remember that finding peace in the moment is just as important as the road ahead.’

On Monday, it was revealed that Millie and husband Hugo Taylor had split after seven years of marriage after ‘serious conversations and decided they were better off each other’.

The heiress married 42-year-old rapper Professor Green in 2013, but the couple divorced in 2016, the same year she rekindled her relationship with Hugo.

The couple married two years later and welcomed their first daughter, Sienna, in 2020 and Aurelia in 2021.

Hugo later shared his love and admiration for Millie and admitted that he was ‘obsessed’ with his wife from the moment they met.

She wrote on Instagram: ‘Love is pure happiness, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I’ve felt this way about you since the day we met 20 years ago. Happy Valentine’s Day.’

Millie responded to his statement by calling him her ‘life partner’ and saying they couldn’t live without each other.

To celebrate their first year of marriage, Hugo wrote a love letter to Millie, which he framed and later shared on Instagram. In it she wrote: ‘I’m so proud of you.

‘For 365 days you showed me what true love is. With strength of character, humility of spirit, and generosity of spirit, you have lifted our marriage to heights I never thought possible.

‘You have carried us through turbulent and difficult times with courage and fortitude to become stronger than I could have ever imagined. I learned from you that you never stop working to build a life together.

‘I promise to the day I die, I will never take you for granted, I will never stop trying to make every year of our lives as happy as our first year together, I will never disappoint you and I will always give you what you deserve.’

If you are affected by this story, contact alcohol anonymous: 0800 917 7650 / help@aamail.org and the sexual abuse support line: 0808 500 2222