Punk rock Dachsund goes rogue, Yeti cup vs lava, and was the sci-fi horror classic ‘Alien’ a cautionary tale?

I hope you’re having a great week. I know I am.

I had my first virtual doctor appointment yesterday. I felt like George Jetson with high cholesterol.

It was incredible. I rolled out of bed. I threw on a sweatshirt and baseball cap (I kept my sleeping shorts) and sat at my desk so the doctor could lecture me on what I should do if I didn’t want to die.

The only thing is that I’ve been seeing the same doctor for years, waking up early and driving for about 25 minutes in rush hour traffic and he’ll ask if everything is okay and for me it’s “Yes, of course doctor.” I got a little angry about what I said.

And perhaps the biggest part was the lack of a waiting room. It was a nice change of pace to not have to endure an old woman rupturing her lung or a child having a seizure.

Now that I know it’s an option, I may never show my face in that office again. If we can do this for doctor visits, how about the dentist, the DMV, or your wife’s friends’ weddings?

Come on, those tech enthusiasts!

Padres are trolling Bryce Harper’s toothpaste habits.

Yesterday we talked about Bryce Harper’s toothpaste habits.

Frankly, they were wild. I mean, I didn’t think there was anyone in the world who would pop a drop of toothpaste directly into their mouth instead of dabbing it on the bristles like a human would, but here we are.

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At least no other team uses this quirk as Jumbotron ammunition.

…Oh, wait… I was told it happened immediately.

The Phillies were in San Diego on Tuesday for the second game of the three-game series, and when Harper took the field, the Padres were quick to use the toothpaste to embarrass the Phillies star.

I feel like this is evil.

Imagine you are Bryce Harper right now. Everyone looks at you like “What a psychopath” and you can’t defend or explain your actions because you have to focus on your swing.

If I were managing a major league team, I’d have staff whose job it was to uncover the opponents’ quirks and place them on the Jumbotron.

If some people put ketchup on pasta, our fans would find out, embarrass them, and then get angry.

It’s like “Moneyball” but with public shaming.

Sure, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, but how does it handle lava? (iStock)

Stanley vs. Yeti vs. Molten Metal

One of the fun things about the internet is that you can wander around the

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I don’t know who asked for the demonstration – maybe someone is in the market for an overpriced cup that’s supposed to hold some molten metal – but they did it, and it’s kind of fascinating.

Wow. I’m sure there were some heads at Stanley Cup HQ this morning.

They had folks do a boat race at Yeti, the home of the cooler you have to skip a car payment to buy.

But hey, if this cup can withstand magma, I guess it can keep my coffee warm while I run to the post office.

Dachshunds may not be the first breed that comes to mind when you think of troublemakers, but you’d be wrong. (iStock)

Meet the coolest Dachshund

Every sport needs a bad boy, and that extends to the world of dog agility competitions.

A little dachshund is going viral for making a statement. maaaaaaanand does his best to destroy every cone in his path.

This is very punk rock, right?

He’s like GG Allin on dog agility obstacle courses… and maybe in more ways than one if they don’t get him out in time to use the bathroom.

I love the applause from the crowd when I’m halfway through telling all the pine cones to get sand tattoos. Honestly, kicking each cone this way is more impressive than weaving around them.

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How else is a kid going to know what to do if a killer alien is hiding on an interplanetary freighter, unless you take him to an R-rated sci-fi horror movie at a very young age? (iStock)

Have you ever thought that the 1979 classic ‘Alien’ could be a cautionary tale?

I love seeing old videos because right now we’re as close to a time machine as we can get (until I fix the bugs in my prototype) and it’s great.

Basically, a local news station was showing the movie “Alien” outside a movie theater and blasting parents who took their young children to see the R-rated sci-fi horror movie.

This itself is hilarious. The Soviets were still a few months away from invading Afghanistan, so there shouldn’t have been much news to talk about.

The first father they spoke to admitted that he had taken his young child to see Foreign It may have been a mistake in judgment, but the second father had no regrets.

From where? Because what about the story Foreign Does it prove that it is true?

I wish this had happened to me. All my father did was teach me how to change tires and use a fire extinguisher.

If a Xenomorph walked through my front door right now, I’d be devastated.

Hey, he might be onto something. I’m not a parent, but if I were, I’d want my child to know what to do if she were part of the crew of an interstellar freighter with a renegade insectoid alien on board.

No son of mine can stand there not knowing what to do when a baby alien rips out his friend’s chest.

We need to track down the boy in this video, who must be in his mid-50s. There’s no better childhood story than “My dad made me watch ‘Alien’ when I was very little because he believed it might be a true story.”

Let’s look back at the best first shot of all time

We will end this oppression nightcaps revisiting one of my favorite videos ever.

Shortly after I started OutKick in the late summer of 2022, I approached John Daly in St. I wrote about being given the honor of throwing out the first pitch at a St. Louis Cardinals game.

And boy, was that the most perfect first pitch in the history of first pitches.

He walks in wearing shorts and flip-flops, doesn’t even take a second to drink his drink, and shoots a full missile out of the tire.