She’s been married nearly 70 years—she says this relationship red flag is the most telling

Rosalyn and Irwin Engelman met on a blind date in 1953 and married three years later, in November 1956. They were only teenagers when they met, Rosalyn 15 and Irwin 19, but Rosalyn quickly realized she was in love with him.

“I’ve definitely never dated anyone like the tall, dark, handsome man in the navy blue suit with the briefcase who showed up at my door,” she says.

After marriage, each of them built their own careers. Rosalyn in art and Irwin in business. They had two daughters and lived in various parts of the East Coast. Today they live at Apsley, an assisted living facility in New York City.

The couple has built some rituals into their 70-year marriage. As an example, Rosalyn says, “We always say ‘I love you’ and kiss when we wake up and when we go to sleep,” adding, “I think every act of kindness and love strengthens the relationship.”

His biggest advice is to try to understand the other person’s perspective as much as possible. As an example, she says: “I was never angry because he worked so hard with his time, and I don’t think he was angry at the fact that I was covered in paint.”

The Engelmans have seen from the outside what a bad relationship can look like. Rosalyn says her No. 1 red flag that a relationship might not last is “criticism that is not constructive, but is intended to destroy and humiliate someone.”

This criticism can be made on many issues.

“If someone is serving something and you criticize the way it looks, the taste, and you know someone spent hours making it,” he says, “or you say it doesn’t look good on the table, or how about that other shirt that goes better with those pants?”

Any hurtful comment made with the intention of hurting someone is a red flag. “It’s painful,” he says, “and most people don’t want that in a permanent situation.”

This is a red flag psychologist Sabrina Romanoff He previously told CNBC Make It that he should be careful, especially if the person excuses their behavior as “just being honest.” This means they don’t take seriously what you want or need.

“I think one of the most important qualities we can have in our partners is kindness,” Romanoff said, “because the world is cruel and you need someone by your side that you can really trust.”

Looking to get ahead at work? Then you need to learn how to make effective small talk. In CNBC’s new online course, How to Talk to People at Workexpert trainers share practical strategies to help you use everyday conversations to gain visibility, build meaningful relationships, and accelerate your career growth. Sign up today! Use coupon code EARLYBIRD for 20% off. Offer valid from April 20, 2026 to May 4, 2026. Terms apply.