These five questions will reveal if you’re suffering from rejection sensitivity disorder, says ADHD guru ALEX PARTRIDGE… and how to stop it from sabotaging your life

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The word ‘no’ can be easily ignored by most people; But for people living with ADHD, just the thought of hearing those two letters can cause fear-induced paralysis and even physical pain.

This is a phenomenon known as rejection sensitivity disorder (RSD), and although it is not a formally recognized medical condition or diagnostic criteria for neurodivergent conditions, it is commonly experienced by people with both attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

It manifests as an extreme fear of rejection and may see victims end friendships due to perceived slights or fear of abandonment, reject invitations to try new things for fear of failure, avoid exploring new career or business opportunities, and even stay in unhappy, toxic relationships for too long, for years.

This is his new book Why Does Everyone Hate Me? It is a concept put forward by Alex Partridge, the author of the book. It’s painfully familiar, and that may come as a surprise to some people.

On paper, Partridge, 37, doesn’t seem like the type of person who would struggle with self-confidence, decision-making or self-belief, and to her army of social media followers, she seems brimming with confidence.

He is undeniably successful and his resume is impressive. He founded social media giants UNILAD and LADbible as a 21-year-old university student and is now best known as the pioneer of ADHD Chatter, one of the UK’s top mental health podcasts, listened to by millions of people around the world every week.

But looks can be deceiving.

Speaking to the Daily Mail he said: ‘I didn’t realize it at the time but I would go so far as to say RSD almost killed me.

‘I ended up in hospital many times and all of this could have been avoided if I had known how to set boundaries. But I found it very scary to tell people ‘no’.’

Like thousands of Britons, especially women, Alex did not discover she had ADHD until she was an adult, receiving her diagnosis at the age of 34.

American psychiatrist William Dodson has suggested that from birth to age 12, children with ADHD receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages than their neurotypical peers, creating the perfect conditions for RSD to take root.

‘Some of the negative comments heard by children with ADHD include: ‘Why are you so emotional? You are so dramatic. Stop moving.You are very sensitive. Calm down. Be normal. Why are you so weird, why are you so extra?” said Alex.

‘When you’re bombarded with all this extra criticism, your nervous system almost anticipates and expects to receive more.

‘That’s where the ‘dysphoria’ in rejection sensitivity dysphoria comes from, because a lot of times in your mind you turn something that isn’t really a criticism into a big criticism because you’re just expecting it.’

Alex isn’t the only one who has spoken publicly about struggling with a pathological fear of rejection.

Frustratingly for people with RSD, and especially those close to them who want to see them succeed, these negative messages can prevent them from fulfilling their potential or enjoying everything life has to offer.

‘RSD will suck people’s potential because over the years you’ve learned that it’s safer not to try,’ Alex said.

‘It’s so tragic because you’re not starting that job or applying for that promotion. We avoid the conversations we need to have with our partner to get out of a relationship that no longer makes us happy.

‘It may seem like not doing the things you could do, including projects, hobbies and fun things, because you’re afraid of the feedback the world will give you if you try.’

But this doesn’t mean that RSD causes people to hide in the shadows for fear of being noticed; It can cause explosive behavior when triggered.

“RSD can cause an immediate reaction,” Alex explained. ‘When triggered, the logical part of the brain completely shuts down.

‘I think this is the hardest part of having ADHD and why so many people struggle to keep friendships, jobs and sabotage and end relationships.

‘Sometimes you say things you can’t take back, or you’re too embarrassed to respond to the outburst when you’ve calmed down. That’s the most heartbreaking thing about this.’

In his book, Alex shares a variety of coping strategies for navigating RSD – but admits: ‘when you’re triggered you often forget about them because all you care about is the feeling and responding to it.’

His main advice is to remember that when RSD rears its (often ugly) head, you’re not actually angry at the situation or person.

“Remind yourself: ‘I’m responding to 20,000 terrible comments that are not my fault, and therefore the overwhelming emotions I’m feeling today are not my fault either,'” he said.

‘It will help you reduce some of your shame and be kinder to yourself.’